I just can't stay away...  

carebearluv2 42F
1267 posts
11/28/2005 7:35 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I just can't stay away...

Here I am again, sick but unable to stay away from these blogs! Addiction is an evil thing..lol Today I bring you the truth behind workplace lingo..

Employer's Lingo:

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or
respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do
it.

Employee's Lingo:

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"
I've used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE"
I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES"
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK"
I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL"
I carry a Day-Timer.

"I AM ADAPTABLE"
I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO"
I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.


carebearluv2 42F

11/28/2005 8:41 pm

Thanks Jez..I've been sick on and off for like a month now. It is time for it to go away so carebear can play!


rm_titsandtires 51M/41F
3656 posts
11/29/2005 7:50 pm

I'd swear you got most of the top from my employee handbook. Working with psychos is so much fun.

tires


carebearluv2 42F

12/1/2005 7:35 pm

Tires, you're crazy! lol Maybe that's why I like ya so much! Thanks for being a loyal reader.. I'll be by to visit soon..I promise!


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