a time to remember  

canumanageme46 58F
25 posts
9/11/2005 1:18 pm

Last Read:
7/31/2007 4:53 am

a time to remember

I feel as if I am in a dream and that one day I will remember who I was before I came here, where is that sweet innocent girl, the one that blushed if a man turn his eyes on her or accidentlly brushed up against me, where is the little girl that snuggled up in her daddy's lap holding her precious teddy bear, where is the playful girl that went riding horses on a clear summer day, with the wind blowing her hair behind her, today I sit and wonder where did my innocence go.... did it leave me when I let someone steal my heart and that smashed it to pieces, or was it when my daughter told me she didnt love me anymore, or maybe it was when my son left like a thief in the night, not telling me where he was going, or was it when my grandson had to have brain surgery when he was only 3 months old,or it could have been when my husband of 14 years told me to find a sugar daddy, whenever it was I am sure my heart broke into a thousand pieces , never to be whole again,a good frined of mine told me that I have a heart of gold but if everyone keeps chipping away at it all i would have is the hole where my heart used to be, she is dead now and I still remember her words to me after so many years , but for the life of me I cant remember where my innocence went, I guess it is like the old saying you can never really go back home, for maybe there is where it is at. lost along life's long and winding road, many turns I have taken to try and regain my lost self but it is ever elusive never to be found again. Wonder why people try to hurt the one they love ?? Is it selfishness or just being a regular asshole . I look for the silver lining in all things but that is not the case, when you care about someone and all they do is hurt and humilate you, I just dont understand anymore

rm_swflapilot 56M
3 posts
9/22/2005 12:58 pm

Sweet Thought..Tomorrow will be better..good friends are important.

rm_justrich2 55M
3 posts
9/23/2005 4:55 pm

Sounds alittle like my life but we all get tried some more than others I myself get tried more but it does get bettter and we all need good freinds to help us get by.

rm_electian 52M
1 post
10/16/2005 9:29 am

i feel the same way,but for me it was my wife of 13yrs died on my very unexspectedly.now seem lost some of the time.you do need friends to keep on going.i hope i can be a friend of this lady someday.

rking1000 67M
404 posts
10/19/2005 6:03 am

First, I am not a sports junkie. Or any other kind either. I read a quote which you will not believe the source. It was probably plaigiarized anyway, but...

One never fails, but when one stops trying to succeed.

Mike Ditka, former football coach

Get on and ride again, babe.

rm_Hecangoandgo 53M

10/29/2005 9:17 pm

canyoumanageme, this moves me,, its to sad, so real,, words can't describe,, how it makes me feel,, but that it does is a miricale alone.

canumanageme46 58F
9 posts
10/29/2005 11:17 pm

thank you, I just like to reflect on the times that are gone , I am a very emotional person, love life and all that it has to offer

rm_pleasingu696 62M

11/4/2005 12:54 pm

One is never lost just misguided by people who we trust/love the most.
Life deals with many peaks & valleys - the peaks allows us to smile alot then again the valleys allow us to pick ourselves up by the belt buckle & start over. Experiences are plenty some good, some bad, and some not worth remembering...all in all - life is what we make it. Keep smiling and enjoy life the way you want it to be. Looking forward to meeting you........Kisses

rm_zaraskabat 64M/51F

12/24/2005 4:12 pm

canumanageme, no, can hardly manage myself. Keep looking for that sweet innocent girl lost inside, she is still there. Keep venting out that pain, write it down so it can leave you. That heart of gold that everyone keeps chipping away, no, it will never be a hole. Every piece they take, goes somewhere, gold is very heavy and when they take it, they have to carry it.........

we wish you a whole basket full of your favorite things

gary4more69 65M/60F
1 post
1/28/2006 7:25 am

We have all had a ride down the bumpy road of life. It seem like you have a handle on it now. love your profile would love to meet hugs Sandy & Gary

LilJohn670 43M

7/14/2006 2:05 am

Sometimes we look at someone and think we know them, think we have a right to judge them. You have given good reason to make me remember the old saying, "Don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes." Your road has been a tough one - I would not like to have walked an inch of it. Don't get me wrong, mine has not been no bed of roses either, but you sound like you had some very bad emotional stuff happen to you. I hope the future is better for you.

rm_Wolf01 50M

9/20/2006 3:13 pm

Everyone's path in life is diffrent yet the same in a lot of ways. The heart is one in the same in all of us the feeling of pain, loss and all the other emotions that the heart rules. I have had my share of falls to full devistation this is what makes us who we are and as long as we can release the negitive feelings that the situation caused and learn from the problems and heal from the love lost or those very special people in our lives that we have lost. I survive by not losing one bit of my heart not allowing any situation to change the true fires that burn inside the heart. You may feel as if there is a void in you chest where your heart is just remember all the times you felt that special magic inside and the warm feeling that love and lust warmed you all over like a warm blanket on a cold morning. This is something you can never be able to let an outside catalyst to remove from your mortal being. The wall of your own making can be moved with but a whisper of love that would warm the coldest reaches of this prison of our own making. There is so many times that I thought my heart was buried so deep that feeling was one gift I would never be mine to explore it's boundries again. But it seems the heart is a very hard thing to bury it seems to alway surface to feel as giddy as your first kiss even after all these years. Canu looking into your eyes in your pictures there is still a lot of magic inside that at this time you can not see or feel but when it happens I want that first smile of recognition to be that no one or no thing can ever take who we are or what we feel deep down. They maybe able to cloud the waters but in time all things settle and gets crystal clear and the true you will always find a way to shine brighter than you can imagine. That little girl inside you will sneak up and surprise you one day soon.


dynamicduo37402 48M/50F
2 posts
8/8/2007 10:17 am

you are correct when you say that your heart is made of gold. The reason is this, Gold is a soft metal, and therefore easy for people to take bits and pieces and sometimes huge chunks of it away for their own benifit. However, i believe that you are rewarded (upon Reflection of your own life) in direct proportion to the number of people who have benifited from your life. So even though someone takes a chunk of your golden heart away, it is my belief, that the "memories" that you build up over this life "fill in" the missing or removed peices of your golden heart.

As for your innocence...think of it like this....everytime the ocean washes upon the beach, it changes the beach, and therefore the beach is never the same again. The beach did nothing wrong, it was simply there and another force acted upon it. Life is much the same way, we are faced daily with external forces that act or impact our person. Yes, bad things do happen, and they are out of our control (most of the time), however, if you never experienced the bad things, how would you know to appreciate the good things in life.

I like you believe i give more to others than i ask for in return, this is what (if you believe in religion) will ultiimatly bring you happiness. Yes i have scars on my heart, where people have left their marks, however, i also have many wonderful memories (that i traded my innocence for).

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