Getting better  

candy69sosweet 61F
10901 posts
9/7/2005 8:32 pm
Getting better

I went to see my counselor the other day. I have this bad habit of keeping my feelings inside, until I am about ready to burst. She told me that I should write things down when I'm angry, sometimes you write things that you don't even realize you feel. Well, I thought yeah, right!

Well, the other day, I was really upset. Angry. Pissed off. Whatever you want to call it, that's what I was. From Friday night when I got home from work and was faced with attitude through Sunday. So I started writing. Not here on my blog, because I had promised not to do that. In a notebook. With a pen. I couldn't believe how much I wrote! Six pages of feelings. While I was writing, I reached an epiphany of sorts.

I realized that the underlying reason that I've been so veryveryunhappy these last two months was because I COULDN'T write on my blog. I COULDN'T banter with my friends here. I COULDN'T read your stories and your experiences. I COULDN'T take part in a chat session. I missed you all so veryverymuch, I was slipping into a depression. The only way I could think of to fight that was to come back to blogland.

I decided right then that nobody has the right to tell anybody what they can or cannot do. Even if it's your spouse! All my life, it's been difficult for me to make friends. I was a shy kid, mostly because the other kids always picked on me. I slowly withdrew inside myself, building up walls to protect me from pain. Rejection. Ridicule. By building these walls, I not only shut out the fears and pain, I also shut out happiness and love.

I wrote everything down in that notebook, then left it out to be read if anyone cared to. I told whoever read it that I needed to come back to you, my dear friends. Than I needed the unconditional love and support that you all give. I needed to be a part of this place we call blogland. Because you accept me for who I am. Not for who you want me to be. Here I can voice my pain, my fears, my weaknesses, and not be afraid that you will reject me or ridicule me. Here I am free to be me!

When I came back and read all your comments on my goodbye post, I was in tears. You touched my heart with your concern and well wishes. That was when my decision was sealed. I went and posted my return. I visited a few of your blogs to personally tell you I was back. I was so happy when I went to bed that night!

The next morning, I received a call from my husband. He had read the notebook and was concerned. Worried that I would be here looking for another lover. I assured him that I wasn't, but made him understand why I needed to be here. I think he understands. I hope he does. Coz I'm not leaving, ever again!

I love you all!

~Friendship is a gift given from the heart and treasured forever~

keithcancook 60M
17858 posts
9/9/2005 1:13 am

Don't forget to change your profile girlfriend.

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
9/8/2005 4:28 pm


expatbrit49 62M

9/8/2005 1:15 pm

HooRay, Im glad you are staying candy

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/8/2005 10:49 am

candy A favorite tale:

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey.

They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride.

They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

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