THE FACTS OF LIFE Part 1  

cajunpet 70M
828 posts
10/8/2005 11:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

THE FACTS OF LIFE Part 1


~~~~~~~~~~~~ Welcome to "A Cajun Way OF Life" ~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE FACTS OF LIFE Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Birds of a feather flock together and shit on your car.

Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!

When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel. It's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.

Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turn out okay.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

If breasts had no nipples, they'd be pointless.

A misconception is not a form of birth control.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'til the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

Age is important only if you're a cheese.

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Keep your words soft and sweet 'cause you never know when you'll have to eat 'em.

Life is like a shower - one wrong move and your in hot water.

The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching.

Dead owls don't give a hoot.

The hardest thing in life is to do nothing - 'cause you never know when your finished.

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Every village has a village idiot, except in Washington D.C. where idiot is plural.

The world isn't crazy, only 90% of it. The other 10% is certifiably insane.

The pen stings worse than the sword, especially when you get ink in your eye.

Politics is not an exact science, it s more like a sex ed. class

Don't let the beaten dog see the stick, blind him with pepper spray first.

Every new song can be sung to an old tune, although it could lead to major copyright lawsuits.

No amount of political freedom will ever satisfy the hungry masses. Only McDonalds can do that.

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth will set ye free, not including the 8% sales tax, that is.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Never argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able tell the difference!

If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there!

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

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Take care.
Keep On Blogging!!!! Have a great day.

Cajun Pet




interested13563 53M
2557 posts
10/9/2005 4:25 pm

Still laughing....


keithcancook 60M
17794 posts
10/9/2005 9:58 pm

These are quite amusing. Thanx.


cajunpet 70M
1185 posts
10/10/2005 7:33 am

Thanks interested!

Take care. Keep On Blogging!!!! Have a great day.

Cajun Pet


cajunpet 70M
1185 posts
10/10/2005 7:34 am

You welcome Keith.

Take care. Keep On Blogging!!!! Have a great day.

Cajun Pet


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