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Death by Rerun
Death by Rerun
Where are all the revolutionary spirits? Aren’t there any people out there who are truly free thinkers? Who have a truly rebellious nature? Who are spiritual seekers, searching for truth?
I see lots of people wearing alternative fashions and taking a counter-culture pose. Yet when I speak to them they are just as conformist as the man in the gray flannel suit.
I’m so absolutely bored with conformists, careerists, and mediocrity. Please don’t point me in the direction of the liberal activists. Although I am sure they are well-meaning people, they are too weak-minded and impractical to be effective. It’s funny how many liberals are actually puritans at heart. How many have the prudish spirit of Victorianism in their nature.
In Williamsburg, Brooklyn the young folks have come from middle class comfort and can’t even imagine what it means to be hungry, let along angry. Despite the cool counter-culture pose they have no interest in destroying the status quo that’s been so good to them. All they are looking for is their place in the economic system. You
can’t ask someone to remake the world when all they’re concerned with is learning hot to stand on their own two feet.
When you meet people in college their minds are a little more open. They want to make their mark. They have time for ‘impractical’ things like art and philosophy.
One can almost believe they have that revolutionary spirit.
But look a few years down the road and they have transformed into the Cleaver family. Money, family, career ‒ art is a luxury, philosophy a joke. It is painful to see your friends turn. To become as spiritless as the walking dead. I
feel starved for intellectual stimulation. For spiritual inspiration. I am reading a book by Camille Paglia. She is a brilliant radical and a rebel with a cause. Her words are shocking and hilarious. There are moments when I dimly recall what it felt like to be alive in spirit.
If you are surrounded by conformity and mediocrity, you become the same. Most of the time I feel numb. I wonder if this numbness is what people simply accept as day-to-day life? I never feel inspired. I am grateful if I feel angry for a moment. Anything so I have a sign that I am still alive.
In Lewistown the intellectuals suffer from low self-esteem. “Who am I to think I can change the world,” they say. Perhaps it’s Amish modesty rubbing off on them. They can’t bear the embarrassment of being seen as naïve or arrogant.
Myself, I am just fading into oblivion amid so-so comfort. Contentment is the greatest enemy. They can call it death-by-rerun. “He watched one too many episodes of Law and Order and just gave up the ghost.”
I don’t want to conform to the Leave It To Beaver life. Fuck family. Having children is the greatest act of arrogance any human can take part in. “I’m so wonderful I need to replicate myself.”
I get no satisfaction from being a businessman. Money’s only value is to use it to create art or effect change.