mmmm rub *this* baby  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
11/28/2005 2:24 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

mmmm rub *this* baby

Ever had the feeling that you wish you'd actually thought before doing something?

I was talking to Typing Yoda when a lamp struck me on the side of the head.


S'pose it'll teach me to leave the window open in this freaking trailer park I suppose.

So when I came around, I rubbed the lump on my head and looked out the window cursing. Well not completely out. Just from behind the net curtain.

Noone. Not even the tail end of someone running for cover.

I kept rubbing my head as if I could somehow magic away the hurt, and picked the lamp off the floor.

It was a dirty old thing, covered it a strange pattern I couldn't quite make out... and some writing. So... being the naturally inquisitive guy I am, I gave it a bit of a clean to see what it was.



No sooner had I rubbed the shit off the side than my blog trailer was filled so full of smoke I thought there had been a late entry in the fart competition.

When it eventually cleared there was a rather portly dude standing there arms folded, turban on his head wearing MC Hammers old pants.

Ummm. Hi. Mind telling me WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING IN HERE? I casually asked

You have released me from my prison. For this I will grant you one wish.

Yeah right I thought. My mind quickly racing back to the Leprechaun Incident the mere thought of it made my arse clench involuntarily.

Still... I considered what this guy was saying.

How do I know you're a real genie I asked him, to which he started levitating.

Ok... good answer I thought.

Hurry Up he boomed. I have a lot of things to do now that I'm out. I can't be hanging around here all day waiting for you to decide what your fucking wish is gonna be!

Get fucked! You're shitting me right? No wonder you were stuffed in there you impatient gilded spakker. You've only been out all of two goddam minutes. I've only just figured out you could be real!

Then he starts counting down.

If you don't make your wish by the time I get to 1 I'm outta here and you lose out.

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4...

Ok. Ok. O fucking K

Jeez you're a wanker. A badly dressed wanker too I might add! Best you check the street fashion before you go out wearing that shit.

3... 2...


Ok. I wanna cock like methodman1000

and that's when it happened.

He snapped his fingers and I fell to the floor. Legs broken under the weight.

I rang the ambulance while I lay there and eventually they turned up. They stretchered us, me and my member and took us to hospital where they plastered my legs and inserted some titanium rods to add strength.

I finally found a machine capable of pumping blood into me last week and have hooked up a couple of blood packs. I just have to remember to turn it on before sex.

Fuck knows ordinarily I wouldn't be able to fill this bouncy castle on my own.

Sure initially it's a bit of a turn off for the ladies, but once that switch gets flicked?

Oh yeah. They wanna be the bride of Frankenstein.

caressmewell 53F

11/28/2005 2:41 pm


LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
11/28/2005 3:35 pm

I hope you also had the mind to buy a back pack full of bricks to help keep your equilibrium... We wouldnt want you falling on your face! (well, not any more than usual at least)



rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
11/28/2005 3:56 pm

You might want to consider switching from sheep to cows.

Now we know why it's the Dead Sheep Cult.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

Valdrane78 38M

11/28/2005 4:01 pm

Typing Yoda, and I wear the mantle proudly!


BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
11/28/2005 4:08 pm

To much of a good thing is really...well...just too much. Really thought you'd learned how to be happy with what you had after that whole Leprechaun thing. I'll never understand you guys...always wanting more, more, more - when really all we want is someone who knows how to use what he has. Ok...maybe it helps if there's a nice portion to begin with, but still...instead of asking for more - ask for the knowledge to use what you have "well". Un hun. And wouldn't that be happy???

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

1023 posts
11/28/2005 4:45 pm

I'll be Igor, holding the camera with one hand giving a shaky documentary of your monster loving, only if you promise not to hit me with that thing.
The reason for the shaky playback? Wanking with the free hand of course!

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
11/28/2005 5:33 pm

i thought all the guys with big dicks put pics of em in their profiles.


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
11/28/2005 6:12 pm

*SNRK!* What makes you think I'm going to swoon over that? Give me brains over bulge any day... that thing is TOO damn big. Good luck finding a woman who can take it! I'm betting 97% of them will end up saying "Let's just be friends..."

PK, aka Our Lady of Sexual Frustration

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:18 pm

Glad I found your funnybone Caress

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:23 pm

Fortunately Blonde,

My ass does a fantastic job of providing the required equilibrium.

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:24 pm

Kind of Wetty,

Though I can't get them to speak while drinking a glass of water...


bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:25 pm

You know Daph,

I'd volunteer to be the spit at the barbie...

but my nuts are flame intolerant

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:25 pm

LOL Valdrane,

May the Froec be with you!

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
11/28/2005 6:26 pm


Bulgeman1000 the horse cock whisperer!

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 6:28 pm


I did ask the question before about how to use what I had...

After the laughter died down, I figured I wouldn't ask that again.

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 7:25 pm

Damn thats fucking decent of ya Viking,

But don't worry about me Buddy!

Take care of yerself first!

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 7:28 pm

Hey SJ,

I thought all the guys with big dicks sent pictures of them instead of words.


bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 7:41 pm

Hey Princess,

How about a bulge *with* brains.

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 7:42 pm



bardicman 50M

11/28/2005 9:30 pm


Spit at the bbq.....


I am not dead yet

bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 10:51 pm

LOL nikki,

You got it, I certainly wailed when my legs broke.


bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 11:01 pm

Come now Sil,

What do you want?

The bulge or the brain?


bulging_boy 49M

11/28/2005 11:03 pm

LOL Bard,

You are addickted man!



tillerbabe 55F

11/28/2005 11:41 pm

Well..since you wished for that! I will wish for a vagina the size of The Lincoln Tunnel..pass me the lamp....

bulging_boy 49M

11/29/2005 3:10 am


Isn't the idea that you go for something bigger than what you have already?

Ahhh... sorry... I was thinking like a guy!

rm_Mzhineyhole 36F
138 posts
11/29/2005 12:18 pm

I can chew that big bone down to size for you baby.

You know what I mean.....


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
11/29/2005 12:20 pm

omg u crack me up..i wanna rub the lamp.....

Its good to be...ME

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
11/29/2005 12:23 pm

    Quoting bulging_boy:
    LOL Bard,

    You are addickted man!


Why you think they call him Bardickman?

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

bulging_boy 49M

11/29/2005 12:24 pm

LOL Mzhiney,

You want me to put sauce on for you?

bulging_boy 49M

11/29/2005 12:25 pm

Nice one Barbs,

Nice one!

Given the choice... you wanna rub the lamp!

Fucking beeeeauuutiful

bulging_boy 49M

11/29/2005 1:07 pm

LOL Daph

I thought it was the shape of his head!

I didn't realise it was because he liked it as well!


methodman1000 40M
1775 posts
11/29/2005 11:47 pm

so how do you like your new member now?

bulging_boy 49M

11/30/2005 12:51 am


That thing needs it's own fucking reactor to drive it!

How on earth do you manage?


anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/1/2005 7:02 pm

wants a cock like meth's too

anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/1/2005 7:03 pm

that was outloud, DAMNIT.....its to ummmmm do studies on, yeah, studies....

bulging_boy 49M

12/1/2005 10:52 pm


You are beautiful the way you are!

Somehow I think you'd look odd with one of those

bulging_boy 49M

12/1/2005 10:53 pm




You studying tolerance for pain?


anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/2/2005 4:53 am

OMG, That would soooo hurt.....i think i would cry and as if he planned to hurt me with that thing.....but I'm a big girl would suck it up for the good of the you think that thing is real?????? lol

bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:17 am


You gotta be shitting me!

Damn! You'd suck it up for the good of the ladies?

Fucks sake! Who cares if his is... mine is!!

anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/2/2005 9:50 am

LMFAO.....fucks sake???? Peeks, yup, looks real to me.....hmmmmmm!

bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 11:01 am


Remind me never to post a pic of methodman,

I lose more viewers that way.

Well, 'cept the guys.


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
12/3/2005 8:39 am

Hey Bulge!

Glad to see you've joined the club!

[post 102127]

bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 11:30 am

Hey secret,

I'm a little nervous with that post title and the words

you've joined the club.


methodman1000 40M
1775 posts
12/4/2005 5:37 am

....Just did a post on you pal,hope you like it,lol

bulging_boy 49M

12/4/2005 10:59 am

LOL Methodman,

If it's about me? I'll love it!


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
12/5/2005 5:02 am


bulging_boy 49M

12/5/2005 8:12 am

I hope that means you like it secret!


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