The rain mirrors the tears of my heart  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
1/2/2006 12:10 pm

Last Read:
6/17/2006 6:13 am

The rain mirrors the tears of my heart


Well this is it.

This is the day.

The day I never realised I would dread as much as I do now.

As I watch the hands inch their way around the clock face, my mind is a jumble of thoughts and feelings.

I am happy. I am sad. I am fearful. I am hopeful.

Despairing.

The highs I have felt over the past weeks I worry will soon become memories that I'll doubt. This would probably be the case if it weren't for technology.

The ability to see and hear across these great distances will be our saviour. I try not to think too far ahead, as doing so causes tears to fall from my eyes.

She lies beside me sleeping just now, the blue sky above and warm sun streaming in. We laughed that it was fitting given the relentless rain yesterday... seeing as she arrived to it... she should leave with it as well.

I'm glad the sun is out. Hopefully it's going to chase some of these shadows forming in my heart.

I search, and only the birth of my children has proved to be a higher peak when charting my happiness. Regardless of that... finding this woman has given me something that I am clinging onto for dear life.

Navigating these next few months feels almost unthinkable. To me at this moment in time, it's as if she is taking not only the rudder and the engine... but the boat as well. I feel as if I will be left floundering in the water. Helpless.

But no. Our lives go on for now. We each have our own task list, the things we need to do.

These things will lay our foundation and make the dream real. We have already committed ourselves to one part of it. The challenge is now to make reality meet with our desires.

To each and every person who sent congratulations, or who even thought those words... Thank You.

I wish it was as easy.

But then where would the reward be? Maybe I just have a fucked up sense of effort. It's almost as if I have to trek across a mountain in order to feel that I deserve whatever happiness comes.

I could really do with changing that mindset.

So that's me. I've put off this post as it wasn't one I really wanted to do... but there isn't any escaping it.

In order to get to finish the race... you have to start it.

Well today it starts.

8pm, at the Auckland International Airport.

I can already feel the pangs of loneliness I'll feel driving back.

Life isn't always fair. But it is life. I'm happy to wait for mine to start again... in a few months.

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
1/2/2006 2:32 pm

You'll do fine Kiwi. You both will. You have the love and support of your friends from all over.

Now, not to be doing the whole self-advertising thing, but because I want you to read this post and pay close attention the the quote at the end. You can do it, we all can do it, One Sunset At A Time.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

1/2/2006 3:23 pm

Customarily, we are always wishing for time to slow down, or even stop occasionally; however, for you, I will be hoping that time speeds by until you two can be together again.

While it is indeed a sad time, you have something which has proven elusive to so many....and that is love. It is something to look forward to enjoying for many years to come.

As you also acknowledged, you have your everyday lives as well; while mundane by comparison, it will offer the distractions needed to get through....be it work, hobbies, friends, family and neighbours....it will help make the wait worthwhile.

And, of course, you have here....not only the blogs, for their thoughtful and humorous respite from the ordinary....but, also, the internet; which will allow you the instant connection to one another, nearly as often as you each need, or want, it.

Whenever you feel down, like time is standing still, like the ocean is too vast.....think of the voyageurs in days of old; who would leave hearth, home, and family knowing not, when they might see them again.

Here's to several months at a brisk and fast clip....then on to years and years of a slow and gentle walk towards bliss!


bangingmyhead 54M
157 posts
1/2/2006 4:17 pm

So will this be a clothing optional shindig?


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
1/2/2006 4:57 pm

Let this be easy, BB.
Stuggle is not required.

Hold the vision.
Make a plan and take steps to make it a reality.

You drew one another into each others consciousness.
Know that you deserve to take this to the next level.
Keep only the feelings of love and joy in your heart.
Release all fear ...the fear of loss will fuck up the soup.

Let it be what it already is..
and manifest it to the next level by the actions
that you choose to take.

It is THAT SIMPLE when you KNOW what YOU WANT.
And you do.
Go for it.
Make it happen.
Focus on love and the joy that you have acknowledged.

and DON'T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR DREAM.

one step at a time {=}

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
1/2/2006 4:59 pm

Great book... go buy it and read it...
by Lynn Grabhorn...

name of book: EXCUSE ME, YOUR LIFE IS WAITING

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
1/2/2006 5:01 pm

Its like waiting for Christmas morning, it seems to take forever but before you know it "Yay Christmas" It will go fast, just concentrate on the future.


DTduzDallas 50F

1/2/2006 5:18 pm

Oh geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez...I'm in tears.


lushgirl69 49F

1/2/2006 5:37 pm

many felicitudes, both of you......anything worth having is worth working for.......love to you both.


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
1/2/2006 6:57 pm

Hi'ya Bulge...I knew this would be a hard day for ya...and you've been so close for these last couple of weeks...it's bound to leave you feeling anxious. Daphne is right...you have your friends and most of all you have your love and her love to keep it going. I know any of us will do anything we can to assist in any way shape or form for either of you. So do not hesitate to ask. OK! We all love both of yer GUT's..

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
1/2/2006 7:17 pm

I know it sounds trite, but nothing worthwhile was ever easy.

Keep your eyes on the prize, and congratulations to you both!

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
1/2/2006 11:30 pm

Time flies. It'll suck while you're in it, but will be over so fast.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
1/2/2006 11:39 pm

Hej you... yeah, saying goodbye is hell, but I promise, before you know it, she'll be back in your arms again! And you'll have all your friends, from across the world, rooting for you BOTH. Keeping you both sane. Teaching you to swivel... 'cos we love you.

And if you didn't feel the things you do, then I would have said you didn't deserve her. But you do. And you do.

((((Hugs from the North)))

Hxx

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


bardicman 50M

1/3/2006 12:04 am

Geeez Bulge.. I am seriously crying with you, you spakker.

Just remember my friend. I am always here when you need me. Always.

And your heart is only hurting with loneliness. Not heartbreak.

Love you mate.

Twat

Spakker.



I am not dead yet


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 12:49 am

Thanks Daph.

I know it's one step at a time... but it still hurts like fuck!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:19 am

Louisa,

I'm fortunate that this internet world has provided me with some amazing friends.

Luckily we're there for each other. There is no one way street.

You'll find this out too!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:20 am

absolutely optional banging!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:22 am

absolutely goddess.

You need to live here!

fucks sake!

move woman... move!!!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:24 am

ok... I'll check it out!

Thanks beautiful headed one!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:26 am

Thanks Saint,

I'll be doing that... difficult as it is...

It feels easier with friends alongside!



Thanks


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:40 am

sorry DT.

I've been that way for most of tonight


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:42 am

Thanks lushgirl,

That's how I feel too!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:50 am

Thanks Slide,

Ya reckon you could push the States a bit closer then?


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 3:54 am

thanks Spin!

Eyes on the prize!

most definately... thanks man!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 4:47 am

It does Wahine,

thanks tho... the encouragement helps


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 4:51 am

fucks sake Helga!

I can do my own rooting thanks!

LOL


cinderellaarrggh 49F
15 posts
1/3/2006 4:55 am

what can i say - lucky you - congrats and all that to both of you - i use to think that distance made things easier and maybe it makes us take that chance that we might not with someone closer and lose any inhibitions we might have - but hey - just think of the next hello


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 4:56 am

dude with stuff like that...

folk are *really* gonna think we're shagging!

Luv ya too tho buddy!

and I know you are. Same here!


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
1/3/2006 5:51 am

i've just read your last post,Congratulations to the two of you,saying goodbye is never easier,but once you've sorted stuff out ,you will be together for a lifetime after,hugs


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


saddletrampsk 54F

1/3/2006 11:38 am

I'm truly happy and excited for you..can't wait for you two of you to be together soon..
but I hope you don't get all sentimental and mushy in your blog or I might have to take insulin shots to read you..


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 1:31 pm

Hey Cinders,

Nice to see you around, and thanks for the advice.

The next hello is gonna be HELLO!


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 1:35 pm

Hi Papi,

Yup... that's pretty much what's keeping me going.

Goodbyes generally suck

LOL

Thanks


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 1:38 pm

That's nice sexyfit,

We aren't running from each other, but having homes on different continents is something of a bitch!

Of course we aim to change that as soon as possible.


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 1:40 pm

Thanks Saddle,

No promises sweetie... I'll do my best.

So long as everyone keeps me in check we'll be fine.

and there's always the net to keep us from the despair of olde


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
1/3/2006 3:13 pm

Don't focus on finish lines focus on the journey to get to finish lines. The journey makes all of it worthwhile. Enjoy each little happy thing the journey provides. You might miss some of the good little things on the way focusing too much on finishes.

You have love ... Enjoy!

And quit making me talk all sappy ya bastard

Best wishes for both of you

Always,
Luke


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


bulging_boy 49M

1/3/2006 4:14 pm

Cheers Luke,

I suppose... with pain we grow.

Funny how sometimes pain serves to be a better marker than joy?

OK... I'll take my hand out of yer arse Mr Hand!

LOL

Wait! That means it was *me* talking all sappy!

ewwwww

LOL


CuriousAries67 49F

1/3/2006 8:52 pm

Keep writing. Keep reading. Keep visiting. Time will fly.


rm_badgirl_694u 41F
40 posts
1/3/2006 10:43 pm

bulge..all will work out keep going forward..this internet thing can be helpful wish I discover it when I lost my husband....it helps talking about it and expressing yourself the feed back is help too.


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
1/3/2006 11:29 pm

For Fucks sake shiela

U know how many people NEVER find the happiness you speak of? Shitloads.

You know your obsticles? Well least YOU have a mountain TO cross and KNOW SHE WILL be waiting on the other side.

So tough love Bunny sez..fuk you.

Now go start climbing that mountain

Not a lot get even that chance.

Love ya
Bunz

Its good to be...ME


bulging_boy 49M

1/4/2006 12:16 am

It will Aries...

I hope...

It sure as fuck needs to


bulging_boy 49M

1/4/2006 12:17 am

thanks badgirl,

yeah... thank god for the blogs and friends.


bulging_boy 49M

1/4/2006 12:27 am

I know bunz,

It's just one of those mountains that has no way of speeding the climb.

If I was able I would run over that fucker. It's only the fact that I can't change the pace that bites.

Well... ok... not just that!


bardicman 50M

1/4/2006 1:57 am

Yea spakker breath.

What bunz said..

Some of us will never get that chance. !!!



I am not dead yet


bulging_boy 49M

1/4/2006 11:50 am

You'll get your turn Bard!

don't give up!!!

twat


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
1/4/2006 8:52 pm

Dayum, you are getting mushy n stuff...

*phew*

*Fantasia wishes for a gay sheep romance*

LOL...for real, lucky u... the ceremony had better be clothing optional like you promised!

Fantasia

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!
{=}


bulging_boy 49M

1/4/2006 11:02 pm

You're invited fantasia,

So damn sure it's clothing optional.


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
1/4/2006 11:57 pm

nothing to add to the great comments before this one. You are blessed with those peepz to show you every step is part of the journey and the journey itself has an end....


bulging_boy 49M

1/5/2006 1:57 pm

Thanks GOTD,

It's nice to take those steps with the friends I have here!


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