Say a prayer for me now!  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
12/2/2005 2:49 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Say a prayer for me now!


I was wandering along the road minding my own business.

Which I always do... when I saw a glowing figure duck into the church. I followed unsure of what I would find.

As I entered the holy house of God, I saw the apparition slink into the shadows, which was odd as the shadows disappeared and were replaced by a rather brilliant light.

I started towards it when a voice booming but not entered my head.

For fucks sake Bulge. Don't tell her where I am. Get rid of her. Do it and the gates will be opened to you when you arrive.

I blinked and looked around.

There at the front of the church near the pulpit was a woman. A woman, and she appeared to be on the phone.

Holy fuck! I had heard that these messengers of God, these self proclaimed exposers of our sins had a direct line to God, but I didn't think it to be sooo fucking literal.

I moved quietly towards the front to see if I could hear what was being said.

Do not give me that 'God is not here shit!' I know perfectly well he's there! You tell him that I aint goin nowhere until he gets on the phone to me now!'

I sat down on one of the pews.

Well... Mr Fucking Holypants. I don't see you having to scrape by to make ends meet. You're on the pigs back up there. You got angels to cook your dinner, make your bed and do yer dishes! What do I get? Nothing that's what I get... Fuck All!'

I was starting to get a picture as to why that voice in my head sounded nervous.

I'm telling you! He better get his holy ass down here right now! Don't give me that 'but he's busy shit!' He wasn't too busy to plant his ethereal dick in me, now was he? No! No, he wasn't!

I guess even God isn't immune to the fatal attraction syndrome.

Did I say I care? I don't think I did! Now let me give you a message. You tell God. If that's his real name. That I have looked after his son for damned near 25 years. 25 long fucking years, and I have never... never asked for a penny. So now that Jesus wants to go to University, he better and I mean better get his fucking act together, and start paying some alimony.

I turned around and watched the glowing figure race out the door.

If I have to get my lawyers on to this I will. I'll go to the papers. I'll go to the TV stations. Believe me... you do not want to fuck with me. You tell him that. You tell him that you can't fuck Mary and run. No... Fuck you! Asshole. He knows he was my first. Fine! Get a fucking paternity test ordered! See if I care. I'll tell Jesus that his father has abandoned him.

Don't you dare hang up on me! I haven't finished talk... FUCK!


She lifted the phone as high as she could and brought it down in an arc smashing it on the small table. She then turned to me and glared.

You know where he is don't you?

I gulped. I thought of the gates to heaven and I thought about a lot of things. Mostly I thought of this crazy bitch in front of me.

He went out the door and for emphasis I pointed.

That chicken shit bastard... just wait till I get my hands on him!

As she raced for the door, I knew I was fucked. My soul already had it's ticket to Hell punched, but at least where ever I was going... it wasn't going to be today. Fuck knows, had I not told her... I'd have been on my way.

bardicman 50M

12/2/2005 3:36 am

AHAHAHAHAHAHA !!

Why does the bible not mention god paying child support??



I am not dead yet


anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/2/2005 4:44 am

I swear this sight is on craxk...i already put a post and it kicked me out saying i needed to sign in or some shit......

OK what i had said wassssssss
You are sooooo goig to HE double hockey sticks for that one...HAHA! but then i dont believe in HE double hockey sticks
soooo its all good with me.....but somehow I feel some rants coming on with this post.. You were just waiting to get on the all important list to start phuqing with ppl didnt ya? oh wait you are always phuqing with ppl.....thats why we luv ya......Good luck on the backlash of this one darlin.....I will just be sitting here in the corner watching and giggling......


caressmewell 53F

12/2/2005 4:45 am

There is WAY too much drama in your life!


anchcpl4fun 40M/44F

12/2/2005 4:46 am

OMFG did ya notice the number on bards post........haahahahah 666.....ackkkkk


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
12/2/2005 5:35 am

save me a good seat when ya get to hell...k?


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:38 am

I have no idea Bard,

Musta been written by a guy!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:39 am

awwww wetty,

You may be wierd, but we love you too!


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:42 am

Hey anch,

Yeah, I figured H. E. double hockey sticks too.

Backlash? We'll see... I was counting on people having a sense of humour.

But then... religion is a serious matter.

Isn't it?

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:43 am

Hey Caress,

Ya think?

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:44 am

Yeah anch,

It was mentioned.

Kinda fitting for the post really, but alas the comment whore has bumped himself up and above that magical number now.

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 6:46 am

SJ,

There's already one here with your name on it!

Wow!

It's huge... leather with real gold trim as well.

You really have friends in low places

LOL


mysteriesofme 44F

12/2/2005 7:57 am

I think it is funny...

Add's some reality to yet another fantasy..


oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/2/2005 9:00 am

You are way out there but thats why I love to read your blog.


rm_Mzhineyhole 36F
138 posts
12/2/2005 9:04 am

You are a talented twisted person...
One does have to take a pause and wonder what the whole virgin mary thing would be like if it all happened in this day and time though...


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 10:24 am

Hi mysteries {=}

God hiding from you too?

*nervous look*

Ummm... that way!


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 10:27 am

Hey oldman,

Thanks... I think!


saddletrampsk 54F

12/2/2005 10:45 am

<<<---Crosses herself in Holy Water before leaving a comment..Geez-us


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 10:52 am

Hiya Mzhiney,

Twisted Yes talented?

Jury is still out!


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 11:07 am

LOL saddle,

You are definately smarter than me!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/2/2005 12:41 pm

You know if this goes to the courts He'll just try to prove what a slut Mary was...

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 2:01 pm

Shhh Daphne,

You didn't see the look in her eyes.

She's a fucking psycho


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
12/2/2005 5:21 pm

Don't worry sweetie...when I get to the other place I'll sneak you down a class of ice water... (giggle)

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
12/2/2005 6:42 pm

Now That is divine comedy.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


DTand5Speed 41M/50F

12/2/2005 6:57 pm

<~~~will be sitting next to SJ. Popcorn anyone?


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 7:50 pm

Pixie...

Your gonna send me down a whole class full?

You are a true friend... just make sure it's a really really big class!


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 7:50 pm

Thanks spin


bulging_boy 49M

12/2/2005 7:52 pm

What flavour?

Damn. I can never tell who it is now!

DT or 5er

Either way! Get yer arses back in here!

LOL


tillerbabe 55F

12/2/2005 9:33 pm

Satin save me!


tillerbabe 55F

12/2/2005 9:33 pm

Satan, (FUCK!)


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 4:17 am

LOL Tiller

Too late!


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 4:18 am

Tiller babe!

Is that a request or an order?'

LOL


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/3/2005 10:55 am

This is the first blog of yours I have visited, I think. Well, what a modern way to look at the conception of Christ.

DustStormDiva


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 11:11 am

Hi there then diva,

Remember not to judge me by this post alone.

It gets way worse than this!


sexpirate19125 52F

12/3/2005 11:45 am

Good God man!

With talent like this, you should be working on something that will actually pay your rent. I was blown away by the skill and talent displayed in this blog entry. Wow. Now I think I want to marry you too!

Thank you so much for being such a colorful spot in an otherwise dreary AdultFriendFinder experience.


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 2:37 pm

Hi there sexpirate,

But what I do already pays the rent,

It's painful... and I am developing an aversion to sailors...

but it does pay the rent



Thanks


mysteriesofme 44F

12/3/2005 8:05 pm

Quick the Sister's of Immaculate Contraception are after us with Sheep Skin.... lol


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
12/3/2005 9:16 pm

God should go to court and demand a paternity test. After all she "claimed" to be a virgin.


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 11:13 pm

LOL mysteries,

Yeah, I guess those sheepskin condoms weren't really up to it were they!


bulging_boy 49M

12/3/2005 11:37 pm

Not only that Saint,

But apparently she was a rubbish shag too!


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
12/4/2005 7:43 pm

Sorry mate get your facts straight, I'm 37 not 25.


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


bulging_boy 49M

12/4/2005 11:53 pm

Fucks sake JesusLuke,

You should be out getting a job. Your poor deranged mother is having to strongarm God to get money to support you!

Come on man!

LOL


LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
12/5/2005 12:42 pm

If you can't joke about religion, what can you? Mary probably was[/] a psycho. I'd be pretty pissed off to if I was all holding out for marriage, trying to be a good girl and all, and ended up getting knocked up anyway.

Luke- I knew there was a resemblance.

Sexpirate_ back off baby, he's all mine!

SJ- Save the whole row of seats... we'll need them I think.


bulging_boy 49M

12/5/2005 7:42 pm

Surely that's why religion is there Blonde?

I can't see any other reason to be honest!

LOL


Become a member to create a blog