Operators are standing by!  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
1/9/2006 1:38 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Operators are standing by!

After stewing on those bastard Infomercials, I figured... Hell! I could do better than them.

So stand by with your credit card details folks.

Sick of diets that don't work?

Do you find yourself craving food that's bad for you? Even when you're seeing good results?

Well stop chewing on that pie and sit down. Already sitting down? Great. You're gonna love this!

It's the new BulgeBeGone Dieting system.

This diet program has been proven to be effective by millions of people around the world.

Only now are we able to bring it to you!

Yes! Our revolutionary BulgeBeGone diet program is so simple, even an overweight monkey could follow it.

Here's how it works.

We provide you with our specially diet prepared raw chicken.

Simply leave on the counter overnight and take a couple of bites in the morning!

Nothing could be simpler!

In days, the weight will be dropping off you.

Here's our medical professional to endorse BulgeBeGone.

In my professional career, I have never seen a product so effective as BulgeBeGone. BulgeBeGone utilizes many of the bacteria commonly present in Salmonella to produce an amazing weight shedding process.

The body simply cannot keep any weight on while this bacteria is present in the system.

Still not convinced? Listen to the testimonies of some randomly selected participants who we never paid to say this ever, and who never asked to be paid for this. No sir! Nobody gets paid around here!

I used to weigh 900 lbs. My doctors said there was nothing that could be done. The only options were drastic ones... like cutting down on what I was eating.

BulgeBeGone is amazing. I can eat what I like, and with a single bite of the specially prepared diet chicken. I never gain a single pound. In fact I now weigh 78 pounds after going on the BulgeBeGone diet.

*raucous applause*

Hi, my names Stan. I used to weigh eight hundred forty pounds. I tried every diet I could find, but the weight just kept coming back. My excersize program of walking to the fridge every ten minutes didn't seem to be doing any good either. I saw BulgeBeGone and thought I'd try it.

I was amazed. My wife even called the emergency services a couple of times. All I can say is that this diet works. I had a brief stay in hospital, but that was due to not eating the specially prepared BulgeBeGone diet chicken.

I've lost so much weight, I'm now on a special program to help me GAIN weight!

WOW Stan... that's *fantastic*

*more raucous applause*

Yes folks. You've seen how simple it is, and heard how successful it is!

Now's the time to start calling those numbers and giving us as much money as we can get.

For a complete years supply of BulgeBeGone specially prepared diet chicken, we have slashed our prices from $499 down to an incredible $599!

That's right folks! For a single non refundable payment of $599 plus postage and packaging. We'll send you 12 monthly portions of our specially prepared BulgeBeGone dietary rotten chicken. Uhhh... I mean BulgeBeGone diet chicken.

Not only that, but we'll throw in a free roll of BulgeBeGone specially prepared toilet tissue.

This tissue has over 200 individually perforated sheets!

So order now folks.

BulgeBeGone. Either you will or it will!

This is a completely fictitious advertisement for Bulging_Boy. Bulging_Boy in no way endorses the eating of specially prepared raw chicken. Salmonella IS a killer. Don't be stupid!

saddletrampsk 54F

1/9/2006 5:51 pm

Thanks Bulge

I have tried this new diet Bulgebegone and apart from shitting through the eye of the needle it has been a breeze..Im just careful not to fart..

digdug41 49M

1/9/2006 6:21 pm


roaming the cyber streets of blogland

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
1/9/2006 6:50 pm

LOL will u throw in a set of ginsu knives?

Its good to be...ME

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
1/9/2006 7:16 pm

That's it...you've gone over the edge. Someone call 911...or whatever they call in NZ....

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 8:49 pm

Yes saddle,

A sometimes embarrassing side effect, but I'm sure one that you're able to accept given the startling results.


bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 8:52 pm

Glad you approve Dug!


bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 8:54 pm


Ginsu knives?

Honey you aint gonna want to cut *anything* once you start the diet!


bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 8:54 pm

It's ok Pixie!

I had a harness on... no need to worry!


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
1/9/2006 8:55 pm

nasty nasty

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!

micahbiguns 50M

1/9/2006 9:00 pm

Dang ya had me ready to order till the vey end lol

(This is a completely fictitious advertisement for Bulging_Boy. Bulging_Boy in no way endorses the eating of specially prepared raw chicken. Salmonella IS a killer. Don't be stupid)

Shit I guess it is back to gnawing on the rabbit food mutter grumble F'n carrots

bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 9:09 pm

Nasty fantasia?

What's nasty is you coming in here and not purchasing any of that!



Gotta be good for you!


bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 9:10 pm

My lawyer made me do it micah,


Dunno why... it's always worked for me!

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
1/9/2006 9:51 pm

SO, you eat this specially prepared raw chicken on BREAD?

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

1/9/2006 10:04 pm

This is soooo fucking sick.....I love it! lol!

poppet louisa

bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 10:35 pm


No. Do not I repeat not, eat *anything* with the specially prepared diet chicken!


bulging_boy 49M

1/9/2006 10:37 pm

You wanna try it Louisa,

Then you'll know all about sick!

LOL Poppet!


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
1/9/2006 11:19 pm

You forgot my endorsement!! Since starting the BulgeBeGone diet in October I have lost 56 pounds and I'm still losing!! The chicken tastes fantastic, and I season mine with Tabasco Sauce just to give it that extra little something. I can guarantee that BulgeBeGone really does work!!! I now have a real incentive to diet... a wedding in July! Thank you so much, BulgeBeGone for helping me change my life!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
1/9/2006 11:46 pm

I tried the Bulgebegone chicken and I must say to ya-it tastes exactly like shit-although I don't know what shit tastes like.One bite and you lose your appetite and you upchuck everything you have eaten-yes toss everything-It does wonders for ya!I highly recommend it.
Oh and I forgot-it does also give you a lovely case of diarrea-so order up today and today only for not $499-no-You would expect to pay a lot less now wouldn't ya? Now you can get it for-not $550 even-but a real live bargain at $599-Only at this special price right now for only the first twenty billion callers so hurry up and order-our phone lines are ssssooooooooo busy but keep trying-that's 1-800-BUY THIS FUCKIN CHICKIN.
And Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 12:03 am

I'm sorry Helga,

oooh look!

There it is now!


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
1/10/2006 12:09 am

I gagged... lol...and totally could not get thru the entire post...lol... sorta like what's his face.. cumpig comment...LOL....LOL. ACK...

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 12:34 am


Thanks for the extra special announcement Candy!


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/10/2006 12:49 am


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/10/2006 12:50 am

Did I mention that is gross???

Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

1/10/2006 3:33 am

omg....I am still sooo laughing over this. If one blog has to win best entry of the year, perhaps decade, maybe even century(!) this one has to be it!

poppet louisa lol!

AlbertPrince 57M

1/10/2006 3:39 am

Don't miss it ~ Auction! AlbertPrince signed

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 3:56 am


You know you loved that cumpig comment!


bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 4:00 am

Did you stand in something curious?

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 4:02 am

No curious...

You just stood shaking your foot. I kinda gathered by the look on your face that you weren't impressed.

I'm wondering if Saddle didn't let out a bit of air and umm...


dasher121 36M

1/10/2006 4:08 am

hahahahahahaha yep that would do it. that is really sick and love it too lol.

ill endorse it on the one that i made, its on a few hours after yours, its called "Get off your ass and do something!" course, thats after you are done shitting and vomiting lol.

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 5:30 am

awwwww poppet!

That is sooo sweet!

Did you forget your meds today?


bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 5:53 am

Don't miss what?

Oh shit!

I missed it!

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 6:12 am

LOL Dashman!

I'm never done shitting and vomiting.


bardicman 50M

1/10/2006 7:22 am

I tried the bulgebegone special diet (squirt)

It is working well for me (spuirt)

I also spiced the chicken up with room temperature mayonnaise.(dribble)

I have lost so much weight.
People say I'm Mary Kate. (spray)

I am not dead yet

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
1/10/2006 11:02 am

Some people live to eat and others eat to live. I've been
guilty of both over the past 59 years of my life and would
just like to say that a little extra flesh on the body can
be a beautiful thing....alot of extra extra and too much extra if you know what I mean as in choking your heart and your internal organs with unhealthy fat can kill ya.

Now I'm going to go meet a friend for lunch and you
have succeeded in reminding me to be sure to allow for
that piece of coconut cream pie that I am desiring right
now. The other thing I stoped by to say was...

I will not be posting on Jan. 11 and want you to know
that you are appreciated and loved {=} [post 197664]

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 1:49 pm

LOL Bard,

It's because of the striking resemblence mate!

bulging_boy 49M

1/10/2006 2:00 pm


Not to appear rude... but 59 years?

Get the fuck outta here!!!

Well today is Jan 11 for me, so I will observe the no blogging day in respect of Enigma as well.


DTduzDallas 50F

1/10/2006 9:16 pm

Blonde - now's the time to start worrying....lol

im_curious_4u 50M

1/10/2006 9:28 pm

Nothing goes better with BulgeBeGone than a nice tall glass of Mexican tap water.

"Why yes I'm always his color green. It's the new diet I'm on."

Synn74 42F
1206 posts
1/11/2006 12:37 am

I welcome you to the House of Syn...

bulging_boy 49M

1/11/2006 11:15 pm



You think she should worry NOW?

she aint seen nothing yet!


bulging_boy 49M

1/11/2006 11:18 pm

Why yes curious4u,

Caught on the hop? Why not pop a bottle of BulgeBeGone Mexican Tap water in your bag or car!

Now you can dehydrate while you hydrate!

NOTHING could be easier


bulging_boy 49M

1/11/2006 11:19 pm


Don't worry... your voice will come back!

I think!


bulging_boy 49M

1/14/2006 2:36 pm

Damn Spicy,

Always some smart one around!

Noone normally questions the price, and quite frankly the cost of preparing such an effective product is high. Way high.

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