My mall shame  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
5/22/2006 5:13 am

Last Read:
5/30/2006 7:34 pm

My mall shame


How slack am I?

Don't *even* go there! The question is pertaining to my tardy blogging of late, not the tightness of my dear ol' sphincter - which I am happy to say rivals a fishes arse for it's firmly clenched state and closing ability.

Not that it should be any of your concern.

Ya fucking pervert!

Anyway, I had a spare five minutes and thought I'd come on in and relive the good old days... talk some shit and hang around for a while.

I've decided that I'm not going to take the kids to the mall for dinner again.

I do it sometimes for a treat, or if I'm just too fucking lazy to cook and want an easy out. But...

a. It's expensive

b. It's generally shit

c. They all want something different meaning I have to trail across to four different counters to get stuff.

d. It's expensive

e. The kids eat like they're bobbing for fucking apples.

f. I have nowhere to hide

g. Lots of people look at me disapprovingly.

Whatever.

I decided in a spur of the moment thing never to go back after the kids had eaten like animals, drank their respective fizzy drinks and then ran around like shoplifters.

Ahhh, thank you Miss Four.

After her escapades and hilarity on a tummy full of lemonade, came up to me and emptied her stomach at my feet.

It's at moments like that you kinda wish there was a sniper ready to take you from this world.

Alas.

So there I sat while a pile of chinese noodles a La Sprite lay cooling before me.

If I had my wits about me, I would have grabbed her and just run for the door. You know, left some other poor sucker to find it.

No luck. I'm sure *everyone* saw it.

It's like when you hit a parked car and get busted. You have to leave your name and number. It's always assumed you were going to do a runner, even if you weren't. Cause that's the norm.

So I stared at that pile of regurgitated mess for about 30 seconds, almost in a trance. I guess part of me was examining the noodles and wondering if she chewed *any* of them. The other part was curled up going 'why the fuck me!'

If I could have, I would have left it. Only because I'd love to see the absolute mahem that it'd cause. Oh sure... there'd definately be some of that 'I aint touching that!' in there.

I have no idea about you, but for me... if I come across someone elses chunder, I start convulsing myself.

So I'd be watching from somewhere safe, waiting for the first person to come across it, and vomit.

Then they'd cause someone else to vomit.

I'd be timing the whole event to see how long it would take until everyone there was heaving away like a supermodel after dinner.

Purely for scientific reasons you understand.

Hey! Scientists are allowed to laugh too ya know!

I guess my question is going to go unanswered for now anyway. Which is a shame... mainly cause it was really really *really* un fucking pleasant cleaning that stuff up.

LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
5/22/2006 6:57 am

Babe, there are sometimes when I just don't know what to say.

This would be on of those times.

Anyway, I looked it up, and it says in the book that "cleaning up kid chunder" is a purely optional step-mother duty.

Hahahaha (Did you buy that?)

A


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
5/22/2006 7:51 am

{font face='comic sans ms']You've obviously never payed attention to a mom when she's got her kids out. You never noticed that when they are out with their kids in a mall that they always grab enough napkins for an army? Do you know why we do that? Because if and when our kids barf we can simply open several napkins and lay them over the offending chunkage and calmly get up and leave, leaving the pile hidden. (Imagine an unsuspecting stranger coming along and stepping/slipping in it. Major, MAJOR spewage going on after that.) If we don't use the napkins we took, we just leave them on the table for the next mom. It's an unwritten rule.[/font]

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


mm0206 69F
7767 posts
5/22/2006 10:14 am

kids.... ?

what can you do with them...

My Grandmother always would say...
" someday you will get your paybacks when you have kids of your own"

karma.... isnt it wonderful.....
~~~ smiles sweetly~~ ' have a Glorious Day!
....m.


LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
5/22/2006 11:44 am

yeah I hated taking my five snotty nosed curtain climbers anywhere just for that reason.
now that I am a grandmother, I just sit back and enjoy the misery of my former 'climber' as she tries to stiffle down her own vomit as she cleans up after little 'child wonder'. A couple of my children already have two little 'child wonders'.....double the fun watching mom trying to clean up after one while both try to play in it.
I love being a grandmother

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
5/22/2006 12:10 pm

I don't know which was better - my enjoyment of this post or my relief following my concern at reading:

"...thought I'd come on in and relive the good old days... talk some shit..."

I've been around long enough to know what COULD have followed a phrase like that.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


velvethandsNZ 68M

5/22/2006 12:51 pm

MATE you haven't STARTED with the parenting yet!

Imagine a day in the far fuzzy fututre when you 14 year old looks at you and says "daddy - I want to sell Gin (the horse I have spent a year finding and a fortune kitting out with stuff that fits)!"

"Why?" says the unsuspecting Dad.

"Because I don't have time to look after her properly AND hav a decent social life too!" she responds!!!

AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wished then for the days of simple chundering in the Mall !!

Now - 12 years later, we can laugh together at that stuff - but the next 4 years were sheer HELL believe me - and the boys were WORSE!

Enjoy your kids just as they are now - they won't get better till they own their own place!

Love long, and - with that beautifull blond of yours - prosper


southrnpeach333 50F

5/22/2006 2:32 pm

I have a cast iron stomach thanks to my kids. I still have stains in my van carpet from those brightly colored drinks. That stuff is never coming out.


HBowt2 59F

5/22/2006 3:33 pm

vomit...you allow your kids to vomit...what sort of a parent are you....you need some training.....rule number 1....Kids do not vomit in public.....
*gone away to write the rest of the rule book.....*


nedthebundler 56M/59F

5/22/2006 4:31 pm

Bulge,
I feel your*gag*pain. My youngest son once filled a diaper to overflowing on a fight from the east coast to the west coast. It was halfway up his back, and down both legs and smelled worse than anything I had ever gotten wind of before. Airplane bathrooms are made to accomodate anorexic little people, and then don't have nearly enough supplies, and absolutely NO ventilation. I had to put him back into the set of clothes that he had spilled a juice box on about two hours before. Running away was not an option at 35,000 feet, and all I could do was say "I'm so sorry" to the poor woman that was waiting first in line. I'm sure the smell put a permanent curl in her hair, and who knows if she ever flew again....

Ain't Fatherhood grand?

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
5/22/2006 7:47 pm

***ach...OMG...(turning green and RUNNING for the bathroom)...****

FFS Bulgy...can't you write about the sweet little dress you bought your daughter??? DAMMIT. And oh...btw...cleaning up the spewage was never a problem for me because when my kids threw chunks...I threw chunks and you'd be amazed how quickly they want to get you out of the food court with 1 adult and 2 kids blowing chunks.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
5/22/2006 11:09 pm

Don't knock the mall food court. A mate (renowned cheapskate) of mine took a chick there, on their first date. Bad enough, but, she ended up paying! Now they're fucking married! WTF!


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
5/23/2006 12:15 am

*gag*
Okay, that's just icky.
Sometimes I really wonder why it is that I come over here to read...after knowing you this long, I really should know better then to come over here while eating.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:48 am

    Quoting LIBlonde97:
    Babe, there are sometimes when I just don't know what to say.

    This would be on of those times.

    Anyway, I looked it up, and it says in the book that "cleaning up kid chunder" is a purely optional step-mother duty.

    Hahahaha (Did you buy that?)

    A
I prefer the other times when you don't know what to say.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:50 am

    Quoting rm_DaphneR:
    {font face='comic sans ms']You've obviously never payed attention to a mom when she's got her kids out. You never noticed that when they are out with their kids in a mall that they always grab enough napkins for an army? Do you know why we do that? Because if and when our kids barf we can simply open several napkins and lay them over the offending chunkage and calmly get up and leave, leaving the pile hidden. (Imagine an unsuspecting stranger coming along and stepping/slipping in it. Major, MAJOR spewage going on after that.) If we don't use the napkins we took, we just leave them on the table for the next mom. It's an unwritten rule.
For a minute I was wondering who the hell you were calling font face Daph.

LOL

Like a reverse Sir Walter Raleigh? You lay the napkins over the puke so people won't get their feet dirty?

Wooo! How quaint.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:51 am

    Quoting mm0206:
    kids.... ?

    what can you do with them...

    My Grandmother always would say...
    " someday you will get your paybacks when you have kids of your own"

    karma.... isnt it wonderful.....
    ~~~ smiles sweetly~~ ' have a Glorious Day!
    ....m.
I love the karma sutra

does that count?


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:52 am

    Quoting LadytoPleaseYou:
    yeah I hated taking my five snotty nosed curtain climbers anywhere just for that reason.
    now that I am a grandmother, I just sit back and enjoy the misery of my former 'climber' as she tries to stiffle down her own vomit as she cleans up after little 'child wonder'. A couple of my children already have two little 'child wonders'.....double the fun watching mom trying to clean up after one while both try to play in it.
    I love being a grandmother
LOL

I'm sensing some unresolved issues here!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:54 am

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    I don't know which was better - my enjoyment of this post or my relief following my concern at reading:

    "...thought I'd come on in and relive the good old days... talk some shit..."

    I've been around long enough to know what COULD have followed a phrase like that.
Come now Wahine,

Your retinas have only just grown back, I wouldn't subject you to that again.

But then again...

You should always stick to what you know huh? Isn't that how the saying goes?


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:57 am

    Quoting velvethandsNZ:
    MATE you haven't STARTED with the parenting yet!

    Imagine a day in the far fuzzy fututre when you 14 year old looks at you and says "daddy - I want to sell Gin (the horse I have spent a year finding and a fortune kitting out with stuff that fits)!"

    "Why?" says the unsuspecting Dad.

    "Because I don't have time to look after her properly AND hav a decent social life too!" she responds!!!

    AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wished then for the days of simple chundering in the Mall !!

    Now - 12 years later, we can laugh together at that stuff - but the next 4 years were sheer HELL believe me - and the boys were WORSE!

    Enjoy your kids just as they are now - they won't get better till they own their own place!

    Love long, and - with that beautifull blond of yours - prosper
Hey Velvet,

Thanks for that. The latter part is a given.

The horse? If my kids ever said they wanted a horse, I'd get them a can of dog food.

Oh? You wanted a live one? Hard luck. Daddy just spent all his money on this one.

Ungrateful shit.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 4:59 am

    Quoting southrnpeach333:
    I have a cast iron stomach thanks to my kids. I still have stains in my van carpet from those brightly colored drinks. That stuff is never coming out.
Hey there peachy lady,

For a minute I was wondering if it was the carpet that was never coming out.

But... sure... I'll go with that... I mean... the stains wouldn't be anything else now would they?


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 5:01 am

    Quoting HBowt2:
    vomit...you allow your kids to vomit...what sort of a parent are you....you need some training.....rule number 1....Kids do not vomit in public.....
    *gone away to write the rest of the rule book.....*
HBowt,

So I can blame you? If you'd finished the book I'd have read it and they wouldn't have puked?

Awesome.

I was thinking of putting it back, but I changed my mind.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 5:04 am

    Quoting nedthebundler:
    Bulge,
    I feel your*gag*pain. My youngest son once filled a diaper to overflowing on a fight from the east coast to the west coast. It was halfway up his back, and down both legs and smelled worse than anything I had ever gotten wind of before. Airplane bathrooms are made to accomodate anorexic little people, and then don't have nearly enough supplies, and absolutely NO ventilation. I had to put him back into the set of clothes that he had spilled a juice box on about two hours before. Running away was not an option at 35,000 feet, and all I could do was say "I'm so sorry" to the poor woman that was waiting first in line. I'm sure the smell put a permanent curl in her hair, and who knows if she ever flew again....

    Ain't Fatherhood grand?
Ned,

That's the kind of story that *always* puts a smile on my face. If it had been me, I'd have said sorry... then as soon as I got to my seat - I'd have started laughing.

Maturity is *so* wasted on me.


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 5:05 am

    Quoting impish_pixie:
    ***ach...OMG...(turning green and RUNNING for the bathroom)...****

    FFS Bulgy...can't you write about the sweet little dress you bought your daughter??? DAMMIT. And oh...btw...cleaning up the spewage was never a problem for me because when my kids threw chunks...I threw chunks and you'd be amazed how quickly they want to get you out of the food court with 1 adult and 2 kids blowing chunks.
In a word pixie,

No.

On the other hand, can I use you as part of my experiment?


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 5:07 am

    Quoting chasingfun27:
    Don't knock the mall food court. A mate (renowned cheapskate) of mine took a chick there, on their first date. Bad enough, but, she ended up paying! Now they're fucking married! WTF!
Fantastic Chasing,

You can't knock the guy for that. There was definate method to his madness there!


bulging_boy 49M

5/23/2006 5:08 am

    Quoting curious082385:
    *gag*
    Okay, that's just icky.
    Sometimes I really wonder why it is that I come over here to read...after knowing you this long, I really should know better then to come over here while eating.
LOL Curious,

Hey! At least I didn't include a picture.


frangipanigal 45F
10406 posts
5/23/2006 6:31 am

Little Frangi had a gastro bug and did a projectile bright orange (ice block) vomit in the middle of a restaurant on Mothers Day. Luckily the friends I was there with cleaned most of it up while I took her to the bathroom for an outfit change. The restaurant staff did the rest.

And yes, that stuff does stain!! She had her best clothes on! From one understanding parent to another...

Frangi x


bulging_boy 49M

5/24/2006 5:44 am

    Quoting frangipanigal:
    Little Frangi had a gastro bug and did a projectile bright orange (ice block) vomit in the middle of a restaurant on Mothers Day. Luckily the friends I was there with cleaned most of it up while I took her to the bathroom for an outfit change. The restaurant staff did the rest.

    And yes, that stuff does stain!! She had her best clothes on! From one understanding parent to another...

    Frangi x
oooh bright orange you say?

Wow!

That's the sort of shit that makes me wish I had a video camera with me.

coooool!


kyplowboy22 61M

5/26/2006 2:05 pm

And some people say God has no sense of humor! roflmao, glad to see the old Bulge back and kicking. Later

kpb


bulging_boy 49M

5/27/2006 6:46 pm

    Quoting kyplowboy22:
    And some people say God has no sense of humor! roflmao, glad to see the old Bulge back and kicking. Later

    kpb
I nearly was kicking I can tell you that for nothing.


FeistySyn 52F

5/29/2006 9:13 pm

damn... I don't pay attention for a week or so and I missed this... I am laughing SO hard right now... images of "lunch" and cherry Kool-Aid on my brand-spanking-new-home hallway carpet from what was then a 3 year old .... blech.... then hubby tries to "clean" it up and grinds it quite nicely into the carpet... was a true parental treat

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


bulging_boy 49M

5/29/2006 10:53 pm

    Quoting FeistySyn:
    damn... I don't pay attention for a week or so and I missed this... I am laughing SO hard right now... images of "lunch" and cherry Kool-Aid on my brand-spanking-new-home hallway carpet from what was then a 3 year old .... blech.... then hubby tries to "clean" it up and grinds it quite nicely into the carpet... was a true parental treat
Yeah,

Parents in the 70's never really knew how lucky they were!

Imagine a childs multicoloured chunder blending into the carpet... I'm suprised they realised it needed cleaning at *all*


FeistySyn 52F

5/30/2006 7:09 pm

omg... ewwwwww, but so true!!!

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


bulging_boy 49M

5/30/2006 7:34 pm

    Quoting FeistySyn:
    omg... ewwwwww, but so true!!!
Exactly.

Hmmm... Intersting carpet texture... what exactly is that??


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