Love hurts  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
1/11/2006 4:05 am

Last Read:
6/17/2006 6:16 am

Love hurts


How much pain can a soul take?

I'm testing the limits myself. My own personal project.

I've found out so far that it's a lot!

No!!! I'm not talking about the fiasco that's just taken place... where everyone's been put through an emotional wringer.

I'm talking about my own emotional endurance race. Well... ours to be fair.

Tonight I cried again. I had rivers not streams running down my face. I wiped tears in vain, for a time that felt never ending
.

Week one complete.

Fucks sake. Only 26 to go...

This really is insane. I can't recall experiencing pain like this. Nor for as long.

I'm watching as each day goes by. I look at the space beside me as I lie down to sleep. I stroke the pillow where her head rested.

I walk around the house feeling her ghost. Looking at where she would sit or stand.

I sigh and cross another day off the calendar.

I've almost given in to the psychic hotline. 0900 lucky lotto numbers. I question choices I've made. Would I be in a better position to just go there if I'd done that?

No. Chances are I'd be someplace else. I can't risk changing the past. I have too much to lose right now.

Every day without her I die a thousand deaths.

Every day I need not remind myself that she is worth each and every one of those deaths, for me to be with her... and when I am, I would admit that I would have accepted more pain and more anguish.

So... I cry. We cry. We talk, we laugh. We cry. We share our pain.

We are lucky, our friends are amazing.

They are without question, the greatest group of sorry arsed individuals you could ever hope to find.

Guys? We love you

But babe? I love you more!

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/11/2006 6:57 am

Something that helps me when I am feeling the same way is to think of it like this: with every breath, every heartbeat, every second you are moving one step closer to being with her again.
It is a small comfort, but it is at least a reminder that you are always moving forwards to your future together.


AlbertPrince 58M

1/11/2006 7:27 am

What's wrong with you? Be a man. Okay, so you're missing her, but men don't cry! Do we? *sniff* Well I don't anyway. But you'll get used to it, after all 26 weeks isn't that long. Is it? *sob* Well maybe it is, and maybe you won't get used to it *blubber* but ... Oh it's no use ... I can't see through the tears to type any more


bardicman 50M

1/11/2006 7:43 am

Yea... you always say you love me as you are wiping your chin..

Buck up buckaroo.. 12 1/2 weeks to go and you are halfway there. Then you can start anticipating instead of remembering.

Always remember.. The way that you two chose to do this before you got emotional is the best way because it offers so much more future.



I am not dead yet


dasher121 36M

1/11/2006 8:31 am

def with curious on this one, every second brings you closer. think seconds, not days or weeks. seconds sound so much better. there are a ton of them yes, but they move so much faster than days.

not the same amount of time, but oh so feel your pain fellow dude. see a ghost that has never even been there, scents that i can only imagine, feelings so strong and so great that it causes pain to have but to not have with me. your peeps are with you, and the end of your journey will get there soon enough..........and then a bigger journey begins, one that you wont do alone.


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
1/11/2006 9:03 am

In the course of a lifetime, 12.5 weeks is a small bite.
Think about it.
You can eat an elephant...one bite at a time. Honest. You
can...

There IS some laugh time in there!
Go get organized so you will have more time
to spend together when she DOES get there!

And this one is worth waiting for!

Sending you love and saying keep those tears and letters
comin'! {=}

Happy for you...tears and all!

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
1/11/2006 9:08 am

One sunset at a time.

You'll make it Kiwi. We all will. All the steps are forward, none back. This is getting WAY too sappy.

You know we love you both and you know we'll be there with you along the way.



Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


slidein2meplz 62F
1994 posts
1/11/2006 9:11 am

You'll make it... and your friends... will be here supporting you both all the way. Count on it... I'm real..you've seen me on the cam and so are the others to whom you have grown close to. Hang in there.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


JJKittyKat 59F

1/11/2006 9:35 am

It is sad to be apart but the time will soon pass, think how wonderful it is to be in love, and to be loved in return. I am grateful for this every day.


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
1/11/2006 10:43 am

*HUGS*

sheesh..im all over blogland huggin folks lately.

yayyy lucky me

hang tough babe...this will be a breeze after the long wait you had till finding her


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
1/11/2006 11:30 am

pull them socks up sunshine and start smiling,your one day closer to being with her,more positive thoughts needed,we women like men that cry but not them that sniffle all day,you can do it,work hard save more and just think of the fun you can have spending it together.hugs


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
1/11/2006 12:26 pm

Okay, this is a scary thing but do this:
Take a minute and imagine that you got a call from her saying, that's it; it's over. Think of what it would feel like. I mean, really take a few seconds to feel how that would feel.

Okay...now come back to reality and feel what the relief and gratitude of THAT reality.

That's my best shot. You're both wonderful and it's mean to be and your life together will be SUCH a blast.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


carebearluv2 42F

1/11/2006 12:33 pm

Bulging..I think this might be my first comment in your blog. I felt compelled to comment on this post due to the fact I have had several long distance relationships in my life. Do they suck? Absolutely..but nothing compares to that rush of excitement you will feel the day she comes back to you. Please keeping posting about her, the sappy female that I am loves seeing your story unfold.


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
1/11/2006 12:54 pm

*Helga hands Bulge a cyber-hankie* Here... I washed and ironed it after the last time... when you've finished with it, Fed-ex it back and I'll have it laundered for the end of next week.

And you've seen my arse??? Well, you must have, otherwise how would you know it's sorry?? Spakker!!

Luv ya both, you numpties!! {=}

Hx

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


saddletrampsk 54F

1/11/2006 1:18 pm

Hang in there sweety..we're all rooting for you..btw, the want some cheese with that whine?


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
1/11/2006 1:57 pm

~hugz~


Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

1/11/2006 3:37 pm

Wait just a damn second....whaddya mean you two love each other more than you love all of us?!? Where are your priorities?

Hmmm....like, when you do get together, are you then going to cry to each other about how much you miss us? Well, ya better!

Until then, remind yourself of how short a length of time 26 weeks is, in the grand scheme of things....think about how long the ice age lasted. Think about how long wars have taken. Then about how long a century is. A lifetime. Then think about how long your lives together will be. Suddenly, 26 weeks isn't so long is it?

Okay, it is going to feel like forever. But fortunately you have a lot of friends to help the time pass by more quickly!

Spakkers!

the loving and gorgeous poppet,
Louisa


LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
1/11/2006 6:00 pm

My Love,

If I had a frequent flier mile for every tear I've cried so far... I'd have been to Auckland already...and back.

Four Times.

You are my air, and I am suffocating here without you. 26 weeks left. I don't know if I will last. I can only hold my breath so long.

I vacillate between "We can do this" and "I'm dropping out of school and shipping my stuff tomorrow". All I want to do is come home and be able to nag you to put your laptop away and stop blogging.

I want to thank everyone for their congratulations, their thoughts, their encouragement. I know I need it.

And I know you do too.

I love you, handsome...

XOXO
A


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
1/11/2006 6:38 pm

Sweet Bulgy & L - As a vetran ex-navy wife...I know what waiting 6 months to just be in the presence of the one you love is like. No matter what anyone says - 26 weeks if a long fucking time when your heart aches to be close to the one you love. So...instead of telling you all that stuff...I'm going to give you a temp fix. I'm sure you'll think I'm crazy - but promise me you'll try it and once you do, you'll understand.

Both of you...sleep in a fav t-shirt for at least a week (if not longer). Once you've done this...pack it into a airtight bag, seal it up and mail it to each other. Once received...put said t-shirt on your respective pillows. You will be AMAZED at the comfort just the smell of your loved one brings you. It won't fix you...but it will certainly comfort you.

I know I'm going to get a lot of razing for this post..but my heart is aching for you so wtf. Bring it on peoples...

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


boydcounty 67M

1/11/2006 8:48 pm

As John Mellencamp says:

When I was a young boy,
Said put away those young boy ways
Now that I’m getting´ older so much older
I long all those young boy days
With a girl like you
With a girl like you
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby
Just me and you
Come on and make it a
Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
You make it hurt so good
You don’t have to be so excitin´
Just tryin´ to give myself a little bit of fun, yeah
You always look so invitin´
You ain´t as green as you are young
Hey baby it´s you
Come on girl now it’s you
Sink your teeth right through my bones, baby
Let’s see what we can do
Come on and make it a
Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
You make it hurt so good
I ain´t talkin´ no big deals
I ain´t made no plans myself
I ain´t talkin´ no high heels
Maybe we could walkin´ around, all day long,
Walkin´ around, all day long
Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
You make it hurt so good
Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
You make it hurt so good

-boydcounty-


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
1/11/2006 9:03 pm

awwww.... how sweet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hopefully time will go by quickly. *hugs to you both*

DustStormDiva


KC_JJ 54M

1/12/2006 12:43 am

Well this may be of no comfort to you in your situation there but believe me when I tell you that no matter how bad you think you have it there is always someone else who's got it worse. MUCH WORSE!

I learned this first hand when in the midst of both the loss of my mother and the loss of the girlfirend with which I had the most jaw droppingly outrageous four year sex festival of all time with. The learning took place whilst I was in an ICU/burn unit for three weeks whilst flooded to my gills in morphine.

To avoid longwindedness I won't detail what got me in there but just know that in some way it was an outward expression of where I had gone mentally due to my recent losses.

So there my scrape with "the bottom" but my real education about how low "the bottom" can really get was in seeing the other cases that went through that ICU. I first thought that my state both emotionally and physically was about as bad as it ever could get. Boy was I wrong!

Comparitive the worst of it I was actually in supreme shape! And when that realization hit me I truly began my Phoenix-like rise from my own literal ashes. Despite my condition the hideuos face of how low some people can truly go quite royally woke me up to the stone cold fact that I was truly still fully intact in all ways that really mattered.

And I could, by virtue of simply choosing to, still pretty much do everything with my life that I had originally envisioned back at that key moment when I truly decided what I wanted to do with my life when I was 17. And I saw so many people with such god awful and permanent damage to themselves that there really was no turning back for them.

I think you probably get my point here and sorry if this is not right on the money with where you intended this posting to go but I just felt sort of a need to say this to you.

Anyways I hope you can soon feel better about things.

KC_JJ

PS. If you feel so inclined check out this A Republican in True Form and see if you recognize the parlour/pub trick I mention there that this Kiwi I met in Sweden once taught me.

MMM [ MMM


Peche85 31F

1/12/2006 3:23 am

*wipes eyes*

well i was already crying but reading this made me cry somemore lol. So sweet! I only hope I find someone to love me half as much as you two love each other!


bardicman 50M

1/12/2006 7:36 am

    Quoting Sister_Act_4_You:
    Wait just a damn second....whaddya mean you two love each other more than you love all of us?!? Where are your priorities?

    Hmmm....like, when you do get together, are you then going to cry to each other about how much you miss us? Well, ya better!

    Until then, remind yourself of how short a length of time 26 weeks is, in the grand scheme of things....think about how long the ice age lasted. Think about how long wars have taken. Then about how long a century is. A lifetime. Then think about how long your lives together will be. Suddenly, 26 weeks isn't so long is it?

    Okay, it is going to feel like forever. But fortunately you have a lot of friends to help the time pass by more quickly!

    Spakkers!

    the loving and gorgeous poppet,
    Louisa
Think about how long it is going to be before I make love to Louisa.. Hell ya.. 26 weeks aint shit buddy.. Try two lifetimes.. or more..



I am not dead yet


KC_JJ 54M

1/13/2006 9:47 am

So I will gather at this point that "The White Eared Elephant" has nothing to do with native New Zealand culture.

Sorry for inferring that if that is indeed the case.

As is usual for a United Statesian I am quite "landlocked " in my cultural ignorance.

MMM [ MMM


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:31 pm

Thanks Curious,

I have to remember to enjoy the journey.

I have to remember to enjoy the journey.

and the breaths.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:33 pm

awwww Al,

Ya big softie!


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:44 pm

Bard,

I have sooooo much future with this beautiful woman, that I'm afraid I don't have enough time left.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:45 pm

Yeah Dashman,

It's the little things that cut when they aren't around.

Each step is a step closer...

Thanks man


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:47 pm

awww goddess...

You say the sweetest things.

But... I'm not gonna eat the 'whole' elephant.

I mean... there's gonna be a couple of bits that I'm NOT going to pu in my mouth.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:48 pm

Yep Trav,

That's what I'm talking about mate. The fact that you guys DO stand guard. Without even being asked.

Honestly... you freaks have no idea how much you lot mean to me!

Thanks


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:51 pm

I know Daph,

And I know I have friends that will sit with me... as Trav said... when I'm as nervous as a cat on drugs.

LOL

You've been there... you know what I'm like!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 1:52 pm

Slide,

Yep... fortunately we know who's real here. And I love each and every one of you for enriching my life...


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:02 pm

I know SJ,

We'll look back and wonder what the fuck we were complaining about.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:04 pm

Thanks Papy,

Some days... the buildup of emotion is just too much and I have to let it out.

Yes... one day closer. Every new day is another day closer.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:06 pm

Wahine,

Now THAT is scary. I'd be afraid to do that... mainly because I'd start worrying that it would happen.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:08 pm

awwwww Sappy Carebear,

Thanks for the solice... I will keep posting.

Unfortunately it's going to be alongside some typically Bulge'ish shite... so I hope you don't mind sifting through that to get to the stuff that feeds the woman in you


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:11 pm

LOL Helga...

Everyone's seen your arse honey!

I'm just glad I didn't have to wait too long to see it


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:12 pm

I don't think there's enough cheese Saddle,

But thanks for your thoughts


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:13 pm

Thanks GOTD,


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:16 pm

Loving and gorgeous poppet Louisa,

Of course we'll cry because we miss you lot...

although... seriously...

What are the chances that we're gonna get the opportunity to miss you lot huh?

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:18 pm

Babe...

We are both suffocating without each other. I know everytime I see you, I take large gulps of air. Every time I see you... I let my heart beat loudly...

For when I can't see you and can't hear you... they both stop.

Love you


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:21 pm

Nooner,

I know that whatever shape your situation takes... you are more than equipped with friends to help you through.

My thoughts are with you... and I wish there was something I could to to help ease your pain.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:28 pm

Pixie...

That is a wonderful idea.

I couldn't afford to send a shirt tho... so I'm gonna wear a pair of my dirty undies for a week and then ship them.

Air tight bag? ohhhh you better fucking believe it!

I just hope it brings her some comfort.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:31 pm

Hey boyd,

Thanks for those lyrics mate!

and... yep... she does make it hurt so good.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:33 pm

Thanks diva,

On one hand I want the time to go quickly, on the other hand I want every moment with her... regardless of how it comes... to last a lifetime too.

*sigh*


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:36 pm

Hey sexyfit,

There is still a lot to be said for pen and paper.

I need to get my writing legible again before I can pen my thoughts.

God knows... with my current scrawl... I wouldn't want her getting the wrong idea


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:40 pm

I hear your words KC,

I always feel a little bad though... feeling better on the back of someone else who's worse off than me. While it adds perspective... I end up following the chain downwards...

until I get to the poor bastard at the bottom of the pile


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:44 pm

Peche,

I'm sure you will... of course... you need to keep that blog of yours updated!



He'll turn up. When you least expect it too!


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:47 pm

LOL Bard,

I'm hoping for two lifetimes or more with her... that's for sure.


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 2:50 pm

KC,

No worries mate. I haven't seen the white eared elephant... but I know what it is.

One of the reasons I have even less of a desire to see one!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

1/13/2006 6:19 pm

Thanks Spicy,

We're coping... only just!


bulging_boy 49M

1/14/2006 2:31 pm

Spicy,

There is! Each of us has someone... that is my belief. The real beauty comes when you recognise each other.

I mean... FFS... my woman was in NYC!

but... I found her. Or she found me... or we found each other!

I guess... it doesn't matter now. We have and that's whats important to me.

Don't give up, and don't settle for second best. You're worth more than that!


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