I'm a Christmas Cracker  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
12/14/2005 11:45 pm

Last Read:
6/17/2006 6:54 am

I'm a Christmas Cracker

You know when I was a kid, I loved Christmas.

A little too much... my parents delight in telling me.

Ok... way more than a little. I think Obsess was a word that accurately described my relationship with the holy grail of present days.

I mean... birthdays... yeah... nice... ok.

But Christmas? You gotta be shitting me! Man on Christmas you get presents coming out yer arse! Santa is The Man! You know what I'm saying?

As a kid... the Christmas bounty was unbelievable. What a bonus. It's not like I'm a religious sort of fellow. Hell! My previous posts would certainly remove any doubt if you had some!

So here I am... on the days prior... getting more and more anxious. More and more hyperactive. More and more like HURRY THE FUCK UP CHRISTMAS. I WANT MY PRESENTS!

I admit.

I was the child from hell around this time of the year. My parents will never dispute this fact.

No matter what they did to keep me from the trophy room. The treasure store... Come 1 second past midnight... I was in there like a ferret in a chicken coop.

Oh dear sweet Jesus. Interesting that I don't believe, yet still use that phrase. No matter. I can still remember the smile I had on my face on opening the door and seeing the piles of boxes and presents.

From Santa!

I swear. Had I known what shagging was... I'd have shagged the jolly red man. Pure euphoria.

Of course. It was never enough for me to enjoy the Christmas spoils on my own. Noooooo! My brothers who were always fast asleep needed to know the time was nigh!

So of course, being the kind hearted brother... I'd wake them. We'd return to the lounge and wreak pure blissful havoc.

Well... until Mum and Dad woke up and sent our arses back to bed! God I hated that. For fucks sake Mum n Dad!! It's Christmas! Look what Santa left us! Look! Just fucking LOOK!

Nope. Back to bed.

So progressively they got more and more creative in keeping me from the room.

I've been held in their bed. A prisoner. Dad's arm wrapped around me so I couldn't escape.

Sure! Like I was *ever* going to sleep! It was only a matter of time before *that* grip loosened. And as soon as it did?

Out like a shot!

The following year they put a lock on the door. At the top no less! Out of my reach.

You'd be surprised at the lengths I would go to.

I'm sure I ended up balancing a stool on a chair to unlock that thing and then...


So it's with a fondness that I relive those moments of pure unadulterated spastic frenzyish exhilaration as I sit and wait for my Christmas presents this year.

Oh sure. I'm a big boy now! I know who Santa is!

Like I care?

It's Christmas for fucks sake... and I keep feeling mine's gonna come early.

Well... my luck has to change at some point right?


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/15/2005 12:15 am

Sweetie, it's ok if your present comes early. Just don't YOU come early.


Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

AlbertPrince 58M

12/15/2005 12:46 am

Oh bulge, I'm so sorry.
Didn't anyone tell you? Save money this christmas .....

tillerbabe 56F

12/15/2005 1:43 am

for you..for Christmas...{=}

tillerbabe 56F

12/15/2005 1:44 am

Hurry up and KISS the damn sheep..shes squirming!

bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 1:58 am

The bastard!

No wonder I never got that fucking bike!

bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 2:26 am

No chance Daph,

I uhhh... uhhhh...



bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 2:52 am

OOOH Tiller!!

{=} {=}

bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 2:55 am

Oh my goodness Tiller!

I love how you shaved your pubes into the shape of a sheep!

Awwww... and it has it's tongue out.

Well... It'd be rude not to kiss it.

mmmmmmm. French!

panda_moanium 47F  
195 posts
12/15/2005 3:21 am

you never write
you never call

are you santa?

*cheap shot bout never coming * nah ..too easy

bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 4:09 am

LOL Hots!

Where's yer blog?

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
12/15/2005 5:44 am

"I was the child from hell around this time of the year."


bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 6:10 am


WTF are you trying to say huh?


kyplowboy22 61M

12/15/2005 6:27 am

lol, well done and merry christmas. later


kyplowboy22 61M

12/15/2005 6:31 am

PS: Bard sent us here if we have a complaint about his latest post. I didn't mind the post so much as I did the pic of him. Funny looking thing ain't he? oh well, he said come here to complain, so here's an extra comment for you. Later


bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 8:01 am

Merry Christmas to you too KY

bulging_boy 49M

12/15/2005 8:02 am

Wooohooo KY!

Only one complaint?

The boy must be slipping!


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
12/15/2005 8:06 am

Ah, Bulgy, why does this post not surprise me? Dear, I woke 'em up damned early too...and I was an only child! And my mom and step-dad had the gall to stay in bed a few years in a row near close to noon before getting up (screwing each other's brains out no doubt....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww). On the other hand, maybe you'll get some for Christmas Just, like the lady up there said, don't ya be coming too early

Btw...have you ever tried Viagra? Gave my hubby the biggest damn hard on he's had since he was 22 years old. My that was a nice gift Mebe you should try some for Christmas happym; It would definitely give you something to look forward to...warning...just plan on not being able to sleep for at least 6 hours afterward

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!

online69n 51F

12/15/2005 8:56 am

so you think that your a big boy now and that you know who Santa is...
I bet you think wrong! You'd better think twice
or the one who you think is Santa will be the only one to give you any thing...
"if you don't believe, You won't recieve"
now think about that
and be good!

Kimmers777 106F

12/15/2005 12:28 pm

You, impatient, spastic and over eager? That seems such a stretch!

Didn't anybody ever tell you good things come to those who wait?

Oh never mind. He's probably already reading the next comment.

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
12/15/2005 3:10 pm

Bulge... we all know you're wishing for a flock of sheep in your woolly stocking!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
12/15/2005 6:10 pm

Why doesn't it surpise me that you were THAT kid. LMAO Your enthusiam is speading...thanks for reminding me of the joy.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
12/15/2005 7:12 pm

Well-guilty-I did unwrap one of my presents and put it back nicely-cuz I just couldn't wait aanymore!

bardicman 50M

12/15/2005 9:58 pm

Wonderful christmas wishes my friend..

I hope your wish come true..

You are a prince among men.

I am not dead yet

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
12/15/2005 10:29 pm

Yes I do believe it is time for us to properly give to that lovely man dressed in red who has so unselfishly given all throughout the years -so we should go out and find a Santa or 2 or more and give unto him(them) until he(they) cum(s) for Christmas-mmmmmmmmm I vote for that-give give give!

saddletrampsk 54F

12/16/2005 11:34 am

I can't believe you could think about shagging Santa..

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
12/16/2005 3:49 pm

I am just a year round cracker, whats your point?

EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
12/16/2005 9:37 pm

Even Santa has needs-why do ya think he winks so much-it's really a nervous condition-more of a twitch from being sexually deprived.Unless you thing he prefers men.....

Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

12/16/2005 9:59 pm

Well, I happen to know that Santa is real......despite the nasty rumours that some people ( Save money this christmas ..... ) might be trying to spread!

You do notice that it is a drawing, not a crime scene photo! Eh, gotcha there, didn't I?! You take that fact back to Al! Yeppers!

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
12/17/2005 1:24 am

Aren't crackers those things that have little cheap toys and bad paper hats inside? Or am I thinking of the wrong end of the planet?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

DTduzDallas 50F

12/17/2005 7:27 am

You haven't posted in 3 days, lol...still got your hands in cookie dough?

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
12/17/2005 9:49 am

blonde sheep maybe *waves at sheepie no1*

Its good to be...ME

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
12/17/2005 11:59 am

Glad you haven't lost the kid in you.

Happy hohoho, jolly holly, and all that X-Mas shit.

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

Become a member to create a blog