Honour my arse!  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
7/17/2006 2:45 am

Last Read:
8/30/2006 4:41 pm

Honour my arse!


I'm anti Japan at the moment.

Which is a shame, cause I really like the place.

Japan has been responsible for many many great things. Ground breaking innovation... you name it.

Nano robots.

Bigger robots that were made out of really cheap and shitty tin, but looked cool and had flashing lights.

I loved those as a kid, but then *what* kid doesn't like robots.

Ok. Now when I ask that rhetorical question, just fucking remember that it *is* rhe fucking torical, and don't go casting up my post about Robbie the fucking scaremongering fuck wank robot.

What else...

Oh yeah... Karate

and Karate movies.

and the Samurai.

They were pretty cool. Except when Tom Cruise became one. Samurai pretty much sucked when he joined their ranks.

Bloody Scientologist Freak.

But for me... the number one... numero uno... Ich of the fucking list for top Japanese creations is the...

Ninja.

Those spooky mother fuckers that jumped around like spider monkeys on speed while they completed their top secret mission. They had all sorts of cool shit, AND super powers too.

They were kinda like James Bond before James Bond was even born. Not that he was born, cause he wasn't real, but if he was real, and he was born... then the Ninja would have been around long before him.

ok?

*phew*

Good. So they had throwing stars and this magic powder that they could throw on the ground and make smoke and lightning...

woooo

and they were sneaky as fuck. Ninja could get into a high security *anything* and waste whoever they needed to.

Cause they were Ninja's.

But the absolute best thing about Ninjas' was the fact that they could suck their nuts inside their body.

Fucking. Awesome.

As a kid, you have no idea how that single thing could elevate you to God status. Watching Ninjas get into fights, cop a kick to the balls and not even flinch.

Why?

Cause the globes of reproduction were tucked safely inside away from the crushing blow.

Boy... when I was growing up and other kids wanted to be Superman or Spiderman... I just wanted to be able to push my bollocks back inside so whenever I took a shot to the gonads, I didn't curl up like an old mans toenails.

So yeah. Japan.

Home of many utterly fantastic and wonderful things.

But the fuckers insist on hunting whales.

That just burns my fucking wick. Every fucking time I see them doing 'scientific research' I want to shove a harpoon up their arse and do some scientific research of my own.

They have come pretty close to changing the moratorium on commercial whaling. How?

By buying the votes of developing countries.

Countries that have never heard of or even seen a whale. You want assistance? You want financial aid?

That very much an honorable thing yes! For aiding money in country for you, pleasing mention of agreement to our whale cause would bring most satisfaction.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Fucking NO!

Cunts.

That's pretty much all I can say at the moment on that issue.

So to sum up.

Japan, home of some awesome stuff.

Japan, home of whale murdering fuckers.

I don't know if the Ninja's can swing the balance for me.

But then... I haven't been kicked in the nuts in a while.

rm_cockmerollme 45F
1223 posts
7/17/2006 3:43 am

I'm sorry...did you say someting?

LET'S GO METS!!!


chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
7/17/2006 4:13 am

Ninjas are fucking awesome!

I'm fairly certain that sumo wrestlers also push their balls back inside their bodies, so keep faith, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for you.

The Japanese people, in general, don't appear to be overly keen on whale meat; the hunting of whales seems to be more of a case of Japan asserting their nationalism (other countries do the same, but not against whales).

The way I understand it( and anyone should feel free to disagree) is that whale meat was a staple of the coastal communities but not of the general population. After the ass-kicking that was WW2, the Japanese needed a cheap, freely availiable source of protein - enter the whales. These days, whale meat is unnecessary; only those who grew up in the aftermath of the war have a taste for it. Unfortunately, Japan is full of arrogant wankers who don't like being told what to do. The world says "No Whaling", so Japan says "Fuck You" and starts to serve it on school menus in order to give the kids a taste for it; so they can start to shift the tonnes of whale meat they have stacked in warehouses - meat they have no market for.

Lets not forget however, that the IWC was set up by whaling nations in order to preserve whale stocks so they could be sustainably harvested. Now, all of a sudden, the organisation that was pro-whaling is now a whale preservation organisation; that is like the US suddenly becoming anti-nuke. The world, as a whole, has moved past whaling, so Japan's (and to a lesser extent Iceland and Norway) continuing effort with the harpoons is a not much more than a hugely nationalistic demonstration.

Before we get too pissed off, we should remember that NZ was one of the last nations to abandon whaling. We were still going into the sixties, even when the drop in the whale populations was becoming very apparent. Not an excuse for the Japs, but hey, we need to keep balance.

Big comment, but as I mentioned in my response to you on my Blog, I had this very discussion earlier this evening (I wasn't bullshitting), and I was thinking about posting on it; you appear to have saved me the trouble.


Peche85 31F

7/17/2006 4:56 am

I could nominate my services and kick you in the nuts, that way you will know if the ninjas swing the balance for you!


EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
7/17/2006 5:09 am

Japan-monster movies-voices dubbed-ahhh-refreshing and so real!


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
7/17/2006 6:37 am

cunts

Its good to be...ME


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/17/2006 7:23 am

I wonder if they serve whale on a stick at their fairs in Japan. The Ninjas could do all the slicing and dicing to get it ready. Make it into a whole show for the people. Dip it in batter and deep fry it. Make it like an American corn dog. Hmmmm

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/17/2006 8:42 am

So the question is...

How do you think Ninjas feel about whale slaughter? I'd guess they wouldn't like it - balance of the planet and all that. So maybe...with the right campaigning...this could work out ok!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 1:36 pm

Hmmmm.... I'm not sure.

Did you?


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 8:48 pm

    Quoting chasingfun27:
    Ninjas are fucking awesome!

    I'm fairly certain that sumo wrestlers also push their balls back inside their bodies, so keep faith, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for you.

    The Japanese people, in general, don't appear to be overly keen on whale meat; the hunting of whales seems to be more of a case of Japan asserting their nationalism (other countries do the same, but not against whales).

    The way I understand it( and anyone should feel free to disagree) is that whale meat was a staple of the coastal communities but not of the general population. After the ass-kicking that was WW2, the Japanese needed a cheap, freely availiable source of protein - enter the whales. These days, whale meat is unnecessary; only those who grew up in the aftermath of the war have a taste for it. Unfortunately, Japan is full of arrogant wankers who don't like being told what to do. The world says "No Whaling", so Japan says "Fuck You" and starts to serve it on school menus in order to give the kids a taste for it; so they can start to shift the tonnes of whale meat they have stacked in warehouses - meat they have no market for.

    Lets not forget however, that the IWC was set up by whaling nations in order to preserve whale stocks so they could be sustainably harvested. Now, all of a sudden, the organisation that was pro-whaling is now a whale preservation organisation; that is like the US suddenly becoming anti-nuke. The world, as a whole, has moved past whaling, so Japan's (and to a lesser extent Iceland and Norway) continuing effort with the harpoons is a not much more than a hugely nationalistic demonstration.

    Before we get too pissed off, we should remember that NZ was one of the last nations to abandon whaling. We were still going into the sixties, even when the drop in the whale populations was becoming very apparent. Not an excuse for the Japs, but hey, we need to keep balance.

    Big comment, but as I mentioned in my response to you on my Blog, I had this very discussion earlier this evening (I wasn't bullshitting), and I was thinking about posting on it; you appear to have saved me the trouble.
If you knew just how fat I was you wouldn't say things like that!

LOL

Anyway... regardless of the fact that we were one of the last nations to abandon whaling is a side issue. Even the sixties, that's still around 40 years ago, quite a while in my opinion.

I hadn't forgotten about Norway and Iceland as far as the current whaling nations are concerned, it's just that they aren't so obviously telling everyone to go fuck themselves.

Funny though then, that if the IWC was set up to preserve whale stocks, that their advice was still ignored, and if the Japanese have stockpiles of whale meat... surely it would be more sensible if they actually used that instead of reducing the current whale numbers.

The way they seem to crave whale meat, and I say crave, because if they're justifying the killing under the scientific banner it smacks of desperation to get it - fair means or foul.

Nice comment. I bet you were a fucking geek at school spouting shit like that!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 8:50 pm

    Quoting Peche85:
    I could nominate my services and kick you in the nuts, that way you will know if the ninjas swing the balance for you!
Never let it be said that you're not a caring soul Peche.

I'd consider it on the grounds you kiss them better

LOL

oops. Looks like A will see this and decide to do it herself.

*hurriedly looks for ninja book*


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 8:59 pm

    Quoting EyeCandy33333:
    Japan-monster movies-voices dubbed-ahhh-refreshing and so real!
*mouthing*

Yes! Monster come from water there!

Arrrrgh!

*more mouthing*

You eat my family honour! For this you must die! Prepare to die! You are a most unpleasing beast of horror! Your teeth will fall from your mouth in escape from your terribleness! I will avenge you my father!


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 9:01 pm

oooh where??

hmmm...

Speaking of which. Nice pic!

LOL


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 9:05 pm

    Quoting rm_DaphneR:
    I wonder if they serve whale on a stick at their fairs in Japan. The Ninjas could do all the slicing and dicing to get it ready. Make it into a whole show for the people. Dip it in batter and deep fry it. Make it like an American corn dog. Hmmmm
Why must you Americans always try to dishonour our food?


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 9:25 pm

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    So the question is...

    How do you think Ninjas feel about whale slaughter? I'd guess they wouldn't like it - balance of the planet and all that. So maybe...with the right campaigning...this could work out ok!
Exactly.

Unless someone paid them big money to kill the gangland Whale boss.


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 9:32 pm

    Quoting Sarcasmistress:
    You have to do a cost benefit-analysis: what would you miss more if it was gone, ninjas or whales?

    Sometimes, you can't have it both ways.
I suppose the Ninja are already immortalised in film...

Plus, it only takes one to create more, whereas whales still need 2 and a couple of years to make another 1

I'd miss the whales more.

Noone would kill them, if their mouthes moved like a ninja tho


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
7/17/2006 11:08 pm

where do u think sushi chefs came from peoples!

Its good to be...ME


bulging_boy 49M

7/17/2006 11:58 pm

    Quoting barbiebunny:
    where do u think sushi chefs came from peoples!
You reckon they're whales in disguise?

wooooo!


nedthebundler 56M/59F

7/18/2006 12:10 am

Bulge,
And to boot they tried to say that whale has been a traditional part of their diet for many years...I think since after the war. Yeah, they're full of shit. They've progressed in so many ways, and have stood still or gone backwards on so many more.

Good to see you still on the scene, but why are you walking funny?

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!


bulging_boy 49M

7/18/2006 3:10 am

    Quoting nedthebundler:
    Bulge,
    And to boot they tried to say that whale has been a traditional part of their diet for many years...I think since after the war. Yeah, they're full of shit. They've progressed in so many ways, and have stood still or gone backwards on so many more.

    Good to see you still on the scene, but why are you walking funny?
Walking funny?

Mate! I'm not walking. I've had metal rods inserted into my legs and I use magnets to make my way now.

damned woman. She's insatiable.

Well... Insatiable by me anyhow.

LOL


want2play926 45F

7/18/2006 7:47 am

Good to see that you came up for air....

After what they did to us in WWII, I don't trust them much, but I do like the old Godzilla movies!


Seriously_Real 48M

7/18/2006 11:42 am

You'll always have Slippy Jo....and she's a Ninja....so there's that.....

--Seriously


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
7/19/2006 9:14 pm

I don't even know what to say because this issue genuinely makes me sad. You've made me cry Bulgy.... Nemo made me cry too. Orca made me cry....I'm beginning to see that I might be a big huge crybaby. But in all seriousness...(sorry seriously)...I hate that they are hunted...and I hate that beautiful baby seals are clubbed to death, and little baby cows are put into tiny cages to keep them from moving so they make good veal...I hate that animals with big huge eyes are slaughtered everyday. But for some reason...I just can't make myself join PETA. Oh hell...I can't even put into words the angst you've put on my little shoulders tonight...oh hell...I'm going home now...(((dejectedly walking away wondering how to solve these problems))).

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
7/19/2006 11:41 pm

    Quoting bulging_boy:
    If you knew just how fat I was you wouldn't say things like that!

    LOL

    Anyway... regardless of the fact that we were one of the last nations to abandon whaling is a side issue. Even the sixties, that's still around 40 years ago, quite a while in my opinion.

    I hadn't forgotten about Norway and Iceland as far as the current whaling nations are concerned, it's just that they aren't so obviously telling everyone to go fuck themselves.

    Funny though then, that if the IWC was set up to preserve whale stocks, that their advice was still ignored, and if the Japanese have stockpiles of whale meat... surely it would be more sensible if they actually used that instead of reducing the current whale numbers.

    The way they seem to crave whale meat, and I say crave, because if they're justifying the killing under the scientific banner it smacks of desperation to get it - fair means or foul.

    Nice comment. I bet you were a fucking geek at school spouting shit like that!

    LOL
Calling me a geek eh? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black - fucking computer nerd!


bardicman 50M

7/22/2006 10:33 am

What do wet titties have to do with the senseless killing of whales?



I am not dead yet


HBowt2 58F

7/22/2006 11:08 am

so if you were like me and didn't like ninja's or robots how would you really feel about japan


FeistySyn 51F

7/22/2006 12:07 pm

I lived in Japan for 3 years, never saw any evidence that whales were still in any way important to their culture or cuisine, that is total BS... that said, they do have some great food, especially their sushi, and the people were truly wonderful... never seen such amazingly well behaved children and teenagers, I was embarrassed to be American often while living there.

BTW, still looking to fuck my first Ninja, any suggestions?

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


rm_goddess1946 105F
13518 posts
7/22/2006 8:35 pm

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


kyplowboy22 61M

7/25/2006 3:54 pm

Planning for a weekend at the beach again, Bulge??? Worried of a case of mistaken identity??? lmao

kpb

PS: Hey, you are the one said you were fat, not me!


TzarsAmuseChant 41M
2854 posts
8/1/2006 12:10 am

What ABOUT GODZILLA????


EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
8/4/2006 9:28 pm

Do whales have titties? (guess they wud be wet eh?)


shelby427cobra 48M
24 posts
8/12/2006 3:59 am

–“They [the Ninja] had all sorts of cool shit, AND super powers too... But the absolute best thing about Ninjas' was the fact that they could suck their nuts inside their body.”

How did they do it?

Simple, really... they applied rapped dry ice to their testes.

In recent decades, the Ninja's legend and abilities have taken on near-mythical proportions.

But, is all the hoopla justified?

Yes and no. With this in mind, let's take a closer look at the Ninja’s origins, their history, and legend.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most popular films and books claim that the Ninja’s origin goes something like this:

The Ninja arts originated in ancient China, not Japan, and then arrived in Japan sometime during the Tang Dynasty. Once there, the Japanese developed the Ninja arts to the utmost, creating deadly assassins, who can enter any place undetected and strike when least expected.

This unfortunately, is complete nonsense. So, we have to go back, and look into the history books, to see a more fact-based Ninja history.

And before we do that, we need to define some terms. Just what is a Ninja, anyway? The word itself derives from the Japanese Shinobi-no-mono, which is written with two kanji characters that can also be pronounced as nin-sha, if the Chinese pronunciation is used instead. The first character, nin, suggests concealment, while the second, sha, means person. Thus, we have Nin-ja: a person who hides his presence. In Japanese, the word is applied to a person who does covert, military operations, as well.

However, we can't leave the term Ninja with such a broad definition, else the CIA, the FBI, and the Marines could all be considered Ninjas. And though I'm sure there are more than a few Marines who would like to believe that they are Ninjas, I'm afraid it just isn't so. When speaking of the Ninja, then, we also imply that they are a secret organization, fraternity, or clan, whose skills and knowledge have been passed down in secrecy from generation to generation.

In sum, to be considered a Ninja, as we understand it through popular entertainment and modern Ninjutsu masters, a Ninja must:

1. practice the art of concealment
2. engage in covert military operations
3. belong to a secret fraternity of Ninja
4. wear black, and lots of it.

As we shall see, the first two points have historic practitioners in Japan, though this is hardly surprising, since these are common acts in warfare around the world and they hardly justify a unique Ninja mystique, while the last two points have more of a mythic quality and may have very little basis in truth. Nevertheless, carefully examining the Ninjas’ history does indeed reveal Ninjas of a sort operating in Japan, initially during the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. But before we arrive there, we must first take a look at claims of an ancient heritage of Ninja arts, beginning as far back as ancient China.

The Ninja History that Wasn't

When the claim is made that Ninja arts originated in China, what is really being said is that Sun Tzu's The Art of War was written there around the fifth century BC, and contains a chapter about the importance of espionage. Some of the tactics described in this book, specifically the espionage chapter, were eventually put into use by the Ninja. For this reason, Ninja skills are often described as Chinese in origin. On the other hand, there was nothing particularly secret about this book, and the strategems were widely known, once the book finally made it over to Japan sometime in the seventh or eighth century AD. The Chinese often referred to it, and many other books which followed it, when planning for warfare and studying tactics. The Japanese, too, came to use the book and many of its teachings, not just the espionage chapter. Samurai battles used tactics laid out in The Art of War. Yet, no one claims that the Way of the Samurai originated in China. It's sort of like claiming that Mormonism began in Israel thousands of years ago. While it's true Christianity did, Mormonism did not. A school of thought may have begun in China with Sun Tzu's The Art of War, but the system created in Japan which included some of this information and was known as the Ninja arts must be said to be a unique creation of Japan.

So, for those who prefer an ancient Japanese origin for the Ninja, there is another myth. This story involves the legendary hero Prince Yamato and is recorded in two of the oldest written texts in Japan, the Kojiki and the Nihon Shoki. Both tell origin myths and early Japanese history, and are a mix of folklore, fact, and legend. Both were written in the early eighth century AD for the imperial household. Prince Yamato’s story is usually pointed to as an illustration of how old Ninja arts are, the events allegedly taking place in the first century AD. But not even the firmest believers in the Prince Yamato story can call him a Ninja for it, rather he is a 'proto-Ninja.' The story that interests Ninja historians concerns Prince Yamato's mission to subdue the Komaso. He arrives in the Land of Kumaso, and the story continues as follows (as translated by W.G. Aston):

Now the Kumaso had a leader named Torishi-kaya, also called the Brave of Kahakami, who assembled all his relations in order to give them a banquet. Hereupon Prince Yamato let down his hair, and disguising himself as a young girl, secretly waited until the banquet should be given. Then with a sword girded on him underneath his inner garment, he entered the banqueting muro of the Brave of Kahakami and remained among the women. The Brave of Kahakami, enchanted with the young girl’s beauty, forthwith took her by the hand, and made her sit by him. He also offered her the cup, made her drink from it, and thus amused himself with her. By and by the night grew late, and the company fewer. Also, the Brave of Kahakami became intoxicated. Hereupon Prince Yamato drew the sword which he had in his inner garments, and stabbed the Brave of Kahakami in the breast.

After which, before dying, the Brave imparted on Prince Yamato the name Yamato-Takeru, or "Yamato the Courageous." But what does this have to do with Ninjas, you may ask? Unfortunately, in the historic literature, there are no references of any Ninja disguising themselves as a woman, at least that I have been able to verify. It is considered a "Ninja-like" tactic, but perhaps the best that can be said of this example is that this is the sort of assassination the Ninja would like to have been known for. Sadly, no records indicate they ever were.

Moving forward in history about four hundred years, a Ninja-like night raid does show up in the Heike Monogatari, which documents the battles between the Taira and Minamoto clans for command of the nation in 1182. A couple samurai warriors secretly sneak into the enemy's camp. But even though by this time Sun Tzu's The Art of War has been lying around for hundreds of years, apparently they didn't read it, since the first thing they do is shout a challenge to announce their arrival, and are promptly killed for their trouble. Clearly, no one had figured out that whole Ninja thing yet.

So, when exactly do Ninjas show up in the historical record? Do they ever? They do. And it seems the earliest reference to Ninja occurs in the Taiheiki, written around 1360 and referring to an event which took place in 1338. And unfortunately, it's an unmitigated disaster–the Ninjas are discovered before the raid is even carried out and they are slaughtered to a man. Not an auspicious beginning! From that point on, references to Ninja activity increase in the histories and romances written at the time, with Ninja activity finally coming into its own during the Sengoku age, when Japan was plunged into war, a state of affairs which lasted throughout the sixteenth century, with the most Ninja activity seemingly occurring around the Iga and Koga provinces.

Iga and Koga Ninja

The Sengoku era marks a century of warfare in Japan, during the latter half of which the powerful daimyo Oda Nobunaga, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, and Tokugawa Ieyasu struggled for dominance. Sometimes allied together, sometimes dramatically opposed, until at last Tokugawa Ieyasu was named Shogun in 1603, following his decisive victory at the Battle of Sekigahara, and Japan was united once again. During this time, documented Ninja activity was at its peak. Ninja raids, attempted assassinations, reconnaissance missions, and other military operations were recorded in semi-historical documents such as the Hodo Godai-ki, a chronicle of the Hojo clan who once ruled Japan as regents to the shogun, the Shinchoko-ki, a biography of Oda Nobunaga, and the Iran-ki, the chronicle of Iga province. These references, when taken as a whole, reveal exactly what role the Ninja played in warfare of the time.

Siege Warfare: This is by far the most often referenced skill of the Ninja. The ability to enter into a castle by means of stealth, and launch a surprise attack on the inhabitants, causing confusion within while the main army storms the castle from without. Typically the Ninja party would scale the walls of a castle under the cover of night, then start lighting everything in sight on fire. They would not wear black, but rather, wear the costume of the castle defenders, making it difficult to tell friend from foe, and so make it seem like there is a rebellion within the ranks. Once chaos reigns inside the castle, the army lays siege on its walls from without. If there was any special skill, then, that these Ninjas were famous for, this was it. These Ninjas were also able to perform valuable services if they were part of the force under siege in a castle. The Ninja could sneak out of the castle at night and then steal the banner of the opposing army, and hang it on the battlements in the morning to demoralize the attackers. One source tells of the Ninja going out nearly every night from a castle to frighten and harass the attacking army without doing any physical damage. However, the troops had to always be on the alert, and being unable to ever get a good night's sleep, the soldiers constantly on edge waiting for an attack all night, they were ineffective when the time came to launch an assault on the castle.

Scouts: Ninjas were often employed to assay the relative strength of the enemy. By one account, a Ninja would lay in the tall grass just outside an enemy encampment and remain there until dawn before returning to report. In most cases, however, the scout simply goes on horseback, and is indistinguishable from scouts used in warfare anywhere in the world.

Assassins: This is what the Ninja is known for now. Even in the seventeenth century, the Daimyo feared assassination attempts by Ninjas. All of the major generals seemed to have an assassin make an attempt on their life at some point or another. Of course, not all of these attempts are by Ninjas, and the most well known assassination, of Oda Nobunaga, was carried out by one of his generals and not a Ninja. In fact, nowhere have a found a single documented successful assassination carried out by a Ninja. They were feared throughout Japan for the possibility, but it seems that possibility never became reality. Perhaps it's just like murder today–everyone fears being killed by some stranger who randomly targets them, but in fact, someone they know kills most people. The Ninja really did try to kill people, though, they just weren't very successful at it. One tactic was to lie down on a battlefield, and when your mark rides through, looking at all the dead bodies, the Ninja suddenly springs up and attacks. Nobunaga had some close calls before he met his fate, once being shot twice in the chest, the bullets being stopped by his armor. Later, perhaps learning from the previous attempt, Nobunaga is surprised by three cannon wielding Ninjas who try to take him out with a bang. They miss, but kill seven of his retainers. Most Ninja assassins were hired by rival daimyo to kill their opponent, without much success. It is this element of Ninja skill that has been most over emphasized in our modern understanding of Ninja warriors.

In many, but not all, of these accounts the Ninjas in question originated from Iga or Koga province, now modern day Mie Province. This is considered the ancestral homeland of the Ninja arts, and it does indeed seem to be the main area of Ninja activity. Oda Nobunaga finally decided they were too dangerous and crushed Iga in a punitive expedition in 1581. Legend has it that surviving Ninja dispersed to all parts of Japan after their defeat. Wherever they went, their usefulness was soon at an end. But where Oda Nobunaga looked at the Ninja and only saw a threat, Tokugawa Ieyasu saw an opportunity, and soon he had a group of Koga Ninja in his employ. They participated in the battle of Sekigahara, though without particularly distinguishing themselves. They worked for Tokugawa again in 1614-15, during the campaigns against the last Toyotomi heir, and one last time in 1638 against the Christian daimyo of Kyushu in the Shimabara Rebellion, in both cases operating in their traditional role as masters of seige warfare.

After the Shimabara Rebellion, there was peace at last–over a hundred years’ worth. What's a Ninja to do? Well, start a martial arts school, publish some weapon guides, and sit back and let the storytellers take over.

Ninja Myths and Legends

During the relative quiet time of the Edo period, under the Tokugawa Shogunate’s rule, the arts flourished. Stories, woodblock prints, and plays all told dramatic stories from the past. In these tales, the Ninja became semi-mythical beings, whose ability to hide, stay silent, to siege castles, and to kill, grew to superhuman heights, and so the only explanation for their powers became sorcery. In one play, a Ninja is able to turn himself into a rat. Stories tell of another Ninja who knows 'Toad Magic,' and rides on the back of a giant toad. In another tale, a Ninja meets a sorcerer on the road, and when the Ninja cuts the sorcerer open, and his intestines continue to attack the Ninja, the Ninja begs him to teach him the magic arts. In the face of such powers as these, the ability to fly or turn invisible seems commonplace.

Part of the mystical aura that surrounds the Ninja is likely due to their longstanding association with monks, especially the yamabushi, who would take long, mountain pilgrimages in the belief that such hardship, when combined with worship and fasting, would reveal their religion to them while granting them powers beyond that of ordinary humans. Iga and Koga provinces, being very mountainous, were both destinations for yamabushi. Add to this the rumors that Ninjas often disguised themselves as wandering monks for purposes of concealment on intelligence missions, and it is easy to see how the magical powers ascribed to one can so easy be passed to the other.

As the legend of the Ninja grew, so too did the amount of historic figures that were newly assigned Ninja status. Any samurai who had an unaccounted for period of wandering in the mountains became a possible candidate: the warrior Yagyu Jubei, who served the Tokugawa, but then took an unaccounted for ten year leave of absence, is a prime example. Hundreds of tales have been written about those unknown years and the events surrounding it, so much so that it is generally not questioned that Jubei, and in fact the entire Yagyu clan, were Ninjas. And it could be true. Much less likely is the claim that Minamoto Yoshitsune, brother of the twelfth century shogun Yoritomo, was a Ninja. Yoshitsune was forced to flee from his brother, who was trying to consolidate his power and make sure there would be no other claimants to the title of shogun. Yoshitsune has to disguise himself as a yamabushi to escape. But despite this Ninja-like disguise, it would be several hundred years before Ninjas really appeared in the historic record. But that doesn't stop Ninja believers, who even go so far to claim that he founded a school of Ninja arts, the Yoshitsune-Ryu.

In addition to the Ninjas abilities in martial arts and magic, one other power remains to be mentioned–which is, they were legendary in the sack. As far back as the late eighteenth century, erotic art was being printed of Ninja antics in the sack. Usually, the images were ones of violent entry and . The Ninja, using his strength, his ability to gain entry to any place, would tie up or slay men and women at their pleasure. Japanese Ninja literature and cinema still contain a powerful element of the erotic. At first it seems odd, but consider the romance novels on the shelves of any bookstore in America–hundreds of them feature rough and violent pirates and scoundrels, who the heroine, then ultimately fall in love with her in the romantic end. Swap that hairy-chested pirate with a black garbed Ninja, and it's essentially the same story.

With all of these stories of the Ninja being written, it was only a matter of time before they appeared on the Kabuki theater stage. And then, the actors had a dilemma–how does one portray a Ninja? And more importantly, what kind of costume should be used? Sometimes, they wore garb not dissimilar to any other samurai when playing a Ninja on stage. But the Ninjas reputation as masters of stealth and invisibility suggested a costume to the actors. Because there already were people on stage, in many performances (especially of the Bunraku or puppet theater), who were supposed to be invisible. They were the kurogo, or stagehands. The stagehands, to indicate to the audience that they were not meant to be seen and should be ignored, wore black from top to bottom. And here, at last, we have the famous Ninja uniform–those black pajamas that seem to provide little protection from weapons, little cover in pitch darkness, and foolishly advertise to the entire world whom you are. It makes little sense for an outfit such as this to be used in the real world, but in the conventions of Kabuki Theater, it was the perfect costume. And to this day, every Ninja movie, no matter how authentic they attempt to be, includes the Kabuki stagehand's costume as an unquestioned and vital part of Ninja outerwear.

And so, during the Edo period, the Ninja moved from the battlefield into the imagination, and have remained there ever since. While popular plays were presented to lay audiences of Ninja exploits, those who believed they carried on the tradition of the Ninja continued to practice their skills in various schools throughout the country. Many of them kept secret books that showed weaponry, medicines, and food recipes. As the long peace wore on, however, the need to keep these books secret became less and less, and eventually, many of them were published. It is these guides which have been used ever since as reference for the many weapons and other equipment used by the Ninja.
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My Background:

I first became skilled as a Ninja while I was still living in my mother's womb. I snuck out while she was sleeping and learned my techniques from a Ninja clan that I currently lead. My major accomplishments include becoming the 18th youngest Ninja of all time, licking the South Pole without my tongue sticking to the ice, and plucking all of the whiskers off a cheetah running 70 mph. My future tasks include inverting the stripes on all North Korea skunks, as well as eliminating security bugs in the new MS Operating System "Vista" code-name "Hemorrhoid".


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
8/23/2006 6:35 pm

Dang! New Zealand was in the snooze again...this time for boobs on bikes...sheesh...crazy axed place live in...i'm sure you were on the committee to approve that one!

Fantasia

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!
{=}


bulging_boy 49M

8/29/2006 2:37 am

uhhhh Shelby...

That was facinating albeit the longest fucking comment I've ever witnessed not less read.

Fortunately after reading that, I found I gained the ability to suck my nuts into my body.

Cheers for that!


bulging_boy 49M

8/29/2006 2:38 am

    Quoting fantasia_shares:
    Dang! New Zealand was in the snooze again...this time for boobs on bikes...sheesh...crazy axed place live in...i'm sure you were on the committee to approve that one!

    Fantasia
alas Fantasia... I missed it.

However. If you'd been on one of the bikes?

I'd have been there for sure!


want2play926 45F

8/29/2006 9:08 am

Fortunately after reading that, I found I gained the ability to suck my nuts into my body.


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