Fuck! You  

bulging_boy 49M
4912 posts
2/1/2006 4:35 am

Last Read:
4/28/2006 12:31 am

Fuck! You




I'm joking, thanks everyone who's been on my arse getting me to post something.

Special thanks to Feisty, SisterAct and my dear little NZ Blogger Peche!

Now special special special thanks go to SisterAct, because she alerted me to this awesome piece of Kiwi kindness.

Don't ask me! I didn't see it when it broke, and after she gave me the low down I had to go and verify the story.

Ya see... to me... it was so fucking unreal, I honestly thought she was taking the piss and setting me up.

But no. She was unfortunately correct in her retelling of the story.

Pity the poor starving millions.

But pity them how much?

This much says a woman in Christchurch who's company makes fucking dog biscuits.

The sly old fucker recreated her magical dog biscuit mix into something that would appeal to those starving kids in Kenya.

Ordinarily I'd say it was a good idea, I mean for fucks sake... I'd give a dog left overs. You know... lamb roast, beef roast.


not a burnt one! I only burnt the roast because [blog liBlonde97] bloody well distracted me... and she knows it!! Oh and those bastards in chat. They're responsible too.

I'm innocent. In fact I cooked a roast just the other week in an effort to restore some of my lost confidence. Fucking fantastic it was!

Thanks Lamby Lamkins, your sacrifice has allowed me once again the chance to revel in my cooking abilities. Not to mention have a bloody good dinner.

Now where was I?

Oh yeah. So it's ok to give a dog leftover roast and stuff.

But it sure as fuck isn't ok to give a person left over dog food.

When I first read the story, I had pictures of this dozey bitch sending cans of Chum, Champ, Fido... or whatever canned dog meat you have on your supermarket shelves.

I mean. Woman sends dog food to feed starving millions in Kenya. I was sure it was going to be some crazy 'dog woman' with 100 dogs roaming around her house, pissing and shitting everywhere.

Just like a crazy cat woman... but with dogs.

So I was wrong.

Not dog meat, but dog biscuits. Not even dog biscuits, but dog biscuit powder.

Just add water.

Isn't Kenya one of those places that tends to have a real problem with water? Or am I thinking of somewhere else?

Apparently the dogs love these things. Gives them a really shiny coat and puts a sparkle in their eyes.

Nice one!

I can just see all the Kenyan kids that have eaten her Mighty Mix dog... errrr... human biscuit mix.

They'll be the ones with hairy backs chasing each other and sniffing everyones arse.

Still... that water has to be a problem as well. I'm not sure about you, but after a few crackers I tend to get a bit of a dry throat and find myself swigging a glass of cool, fresh, clean water.

Possibly a glass of dirty, unhygenic water would be ok when you were desperate to wash that dog biscuit taste out of your mouth.

So a big Cheers! to that munter woman who has just put New Zealand on the map for doing that.

I suppose we should be thankful. If she'd been more chemically minded... she could have extracted all the unabsorbed nutrients from shite and sent that to them.

Fucked if I'm gonna mention that to them tho! I reckon we've got enough publicity to last us a lifetime in that wee corner of the world.

Still... I'm sure she meant well. Just a shame she managed to get out of the house.

pinkplaytoyz 50F

2/1/2006 10:51 am

Have you ever heard of Gravy Train?

kyplowboy22 61M

2/1/2006 12:41 pm

Upset because she did it or because you missed a golden opportunity, bulge? lmao. later


Peche85 31F

2/1/2006 2:05 pm

Lol I saw this lady on the news the other night... there she was eating a nice roast dinner and saying that she has a spoonfull of that shit everyday and that her kids were brought up on it!

Definately something wrong in that mind of hers lol.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
2/1/2006 7:16 pm

LOL At least know people have heard of NZ.

FeistySyn 52F

2/1/2006 8:00 pm

LOL!! My family swears when I was about 2 or 3 years old I was addicted to doggie biscuits... they would catch me in the kitchen sitting there eating them out of the box like they were crackers ... and look how well I turned out!!!

p.s. welcome back .... about damn time, you have some nerve not posting for that long... I think I am going to have to report you to the blog police or something.... FFS.

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

2/1/2006 8:20 pm


This is exactly why I had to send this story to you!

When I saw the headline I thought...well, this should be a funny story and, well, you read it...dry, boring, not so inspired was the writing. Well, the next step was obvious.

Bulg, I am laughing so hard I can't see straight from the tears and my stomach is hurting! My god, you have a gift! Other than Blonde; of course she is your true gift....but, damn, you put together a funny story!

They should hire you there in NZ to do the evening news! They do have evening news and television there, right?

* key: LMFAOWTIME!!! = laughing my fucking ass off with tears in my eyes!!!

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
2/1/2006 9:11 pm

<<one of "those bastards in chat"

while we might be responsible for a burnt roast or something...least we didnt send dog treats to babies...

maybe ya shoulda sent em the roast!

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
2/1/2006 10:22 pm

"Oh and those bastards in chat."

My parents were married...you can't possibly be talking about me ...

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
2/1/2006 11:13 pm

Can you see me now? Can you see me now?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
2/2/2006 12:15 am

Im laughing so hard i cant talk to you right now..ill be back later...lolol

Its good to be...ME

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:31 am

Hiya Pink,

Yep I've heard of the gravy train...

I even bought a whole roll of tickets just in case it comes in too!


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:33 am


Even I wouldn't give dog biscuits to starving kids!

Where's Jesus when you need him huh?


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:35 am

LOL Peche!

I saw it on the news tonight as well.

Apparently she made a fool... I mean full apology to the Kenyan government.

Something like...

Dear Sirs,

I would like to apologise for woof woof woooooof woof woof woof!

woof arf woof arf arf arf



bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:36 am


Can you say All Blacks?

People have heard of NZ alright.


Now MORE have!


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:38 am

Hey Feisty one!

I'm trying to look to see how good you turned out, but everytime I get close to the screen LiBlonde smacks me in the head.


I'll just take your word for it.

What kind were they?

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:50 am

We do have news here PL*

However... despite your protestations... I really really don't think they'd want me to do it!


* key: PL = Poppet Louisa


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:52 am


I'm sure they make stove top to go with just about any...


Send them stove top!


Kill two birds with one stone. You get rid of that foul shit and the Kenyans get something to...

uhhh... You need water for that stuff too dontcha?

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:54 am

Send them the roast?

Are you out of your pretty little mind SJ?


And stop talking like it was me sending those fucking biscuits!


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:55 am

In New Zealand the term bastard has nothing to do with your parents being married Daph!

Which means I was indeed talking about you as well!


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:57 am


No!!! I can't see you!

Keep taking of layers of clothing, I'm sure that'll work


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 4:32 am

Awwwww Barbs,

You're not laughing hard honey...

you just forgot to take that strap on off!


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
2/2/2006 5:28 am

That is morbid and terrible, but horribly funny in the way you tell it! Oh my...crying cause I'm laughing too hard now....

pinkplaytoyz 50F

2/2/2006 5:52 am

    Quoting bulging_boy:
    Hiya Pink,

    Yep I've heard of the gravy train...

    I even bought a whole roll of tickets just in case it comes in too!

ROFLMFAO!!!!!Bulge, its a dog food you pour water on and it makes gravy!!!LOL

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
2/2/2006 8:40 am

LMAO! Welcome back to Bloggville!

rm_Bct2Esi 51M/50F
1375 posts
2/2/2006 11:47 am

Oh my holy heaven, ONLY YOU can take something and make it funny )

Nice to see you back

hugs and smiles

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:52 pm

Hey MindFucker,

And to think that this is REAL


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 12:59 pm

LOL Curious


I'd just say sick!


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 1:00 pm


I musta been thinking of a different gravy train!



bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 1:05 pm

Thanks aas!

I was only gone for a little while.

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 1:07 pm

awwww thanks Bct,

You've been drinking again, haven't you?


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
2/2/2006 3:05 pm

~ smilez ~

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
2/2/2006 4:18 pm

dammit! now I've gotta start being nice again.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

bardicman 50M

2/2/2006 5:57 pm


Someone needs to send some kitty litter now..

Sniffing asses..


I am not dead yet

FeistySyn 52F

2/2/2006 7:08 pm

How the fuck would I know what kind of doggie biscuits they were, I was 2 years old!! and if LiBlonde doesn't smack you for looking, I will, lol... just take my word for it, NO one on this site lies!

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 11:18 pm

smilez back GOTD

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 11:28 pm

Dammit Wahine,

I guess me answering gave the whole thing away.

*smacks head*


bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 11:45 pm

Now *that* is just cruel Bard,

Sending kitty litter.

For fucks sake man!! There's no fucking trees!!!

What are they gonna climb to get away from the dog kids?

bulging_boy 49M

2/2/2006 11:54 pm

Jesus Fiesty!

You lie around on the bed all day and expect me not to look?

I'd have thought everyone would tell you all the time what kind of dog biscuits they were... Trauma tends to lock things into your mind you know... I'm just saying...

Oh yeah... you don't need to tell me that noone lies on this site.

I know... oh yeah... I know.

bulging_boy 49M

2/3/2006 1:38 am

What the fuck Pink?

I guess it just proves that dogs *will* eat anything!

...well almost anything. We used to have a laborador / setter cross that refused to eat tomato.

and peas.


No gravy train for her! Oh hang on! Yes there was... but not your kind

Sorceror07 54M

2/3/2006 11:17 pm

she must be from south island eh?

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...

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