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applicant or supplicant?
applicant or supplicant?
One of the remarkable things that I find as I scan through the REAL people on the site is that many of them (most?), especially the women, have very definite ideas as to what they are looking for and are fairly adamant about not entertaining people they are not looking for.
There's a good lesson in this. It is possible, I think, maybe, that men sometimes approach the site with the attitude "what is it they want to hear so I get a response? What can I tell them that will get me noticed?"
I just traveled for a week to a position interview. Having 'survived' the cut process progressively to being one of the final two candidates, the on-site interview was quite important. Taking this position would have meant selling my home, uprooting my critter family(not an easy nor stressfree endeavor) and buying property in a VERY expensive setting. In addition, the position itself would have required relentlessly long hours for the first year, as it involved a start-up-from-scratch type of project. In other words, my life would have been turned upside down.
I had a number of concerns, therefore, entering the on-site interview, which was conducted by three committee members. First and foremost I had a salary figure in mind that I had calculated as the minimum acceptable income for the area. Second, during earlier steps in the interview process I noted potential philosophical differences between how I go about business and what was being proposed. These differences might, if stretched a bit, be considered ethical in nature. How much of a compromise in my own sense of professionalism might be expected?
Well, to cut to the point, the salary was significantly higher than I expected but the philosophical differences indeed reared their ugly heads and by the end of the interview, with smiles and handshakes all around, we had mutually agreed that I would not be offered the position, and had I been offered I would not accept it.
How does this tie in with AdultFriendFinder? Guys, when ya go lookin' for a gal, try to keep a little dignity. It isn't a matter of what scheme you can employ to get "the job...or the girl" or figuring out what the girls might want to hear to accept you and give you a chance. The process of negotiating a relationship is for you, too, and you should think about what YOU want and be just as choosy as the girls. If you don't do this, there could be trouble down the road if a relationship does develop.
There is a fundamental biology behind relationships: it is called SELECTION. In some animal populations, females send out a signal and males fall over each other to mate with her. The female "chooses" the first in or the survivor of the animal world's equivalent of a bar room fist fight. In others, males choose females based on potential fecundity (ability to breed). Other scenarios abound, but you get the idea I think.
Humans are unique in that they not only obey powerful rules of sexual selection, but also are capable of intelligently discriminating between potential relationships using their brains.
We don't have to restrict our selection criteria to women who have a heartbeat and will fall for a self-serving and possibly less than honest email.
Look inside, decide what YOU want as a man. Preserve that integrity. If she is out there, so be it. I hope you find her. But, is trolling for women going to find her?
As Frank "Mine the Harbor" Zappa has said: "There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over." Be an applicant, not a supplicant. Cultivate your friends and relationships and remain true to yourself. If you don't know who you are yet, find out first. Works better that way.
Sorry if this blog is a bit fragmented in thought...the border collie from hell is highly focused on destroying something, anything today.
8/7/2005 11:50 am
Last Sunday I posted a long essay about balancing on the slender threads of compassion. I tried to paint anger, bitterness, resentment, arrogance and egocentrism as a comfortable hammock, a web that is all too comfortable, fosters complacency and sucks you in until you can't struggle hard enough to get out. |
In contrast, a few slender silver threads of unbreakable compassion wind through that comfortable hammock of arrogance. To dance upon those silver threads is hard and one must be completely centered, totally balanced. It requires attention in every moment because once your attention is distracted, the hammock of complacency lies below, ready to catch you comfortably and hold you in the enfolding grip of suffering.
But after 72 hours without seeing it, I emailed the blog-captain for AdultFriendFinder and they had lost it. Kinda pissed me off. Oops. That's a pretty comfortable feeling....
But you get the idea.