Wish I had thought these up.  

brute472 74M
1871 posts
8/30/2006 3:13 am

Last Read:
9/8/2006 5:22 pm

Wish I had thought these up.

The pic is of an Australian icon "Chloe" she has hung in the bar of Young and Jacksons Hotel corner of Swanston and Flinders Streets for time immemorial.
She was where you told friends to meet you in town.
"See you at 6pm we will meet at Chloe.
And sure enough thats where they would be waiting.
Another piece of useless information but as the following is Aussy I thought an Aussie pic was in order.[

The following are questions asked on a travel web page and being an Australian I can see the humour in the answers.
We have a name for being very dry when it comes to humour and after seeing this I have to agree.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney -- can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Hope you can see the humour and if you have any questions on Aus or New Zealand please ask and I will try to answer them truthfully.

blackleather2006 51M/49F

11/24/2006 11:38 am

Wonderful post and though I've never been there I fear I would be like the stupid-ass Americans you have described - LOL - not as blonde, but close LMAO

VTLakesideVixen 60F
458 posts
8/31/2006 6:33 pm

Brute those were so cute and funny that I HAD to read them out loud so that my daughter could enjoy the humor also!

So what is the name (or word?)for such very dry humor?

Hugs to you Brute!


rm_cutechubby8 46F
3428 posts
8/31/2006 11:41 am

lmao, very funny, it's my wish to visit both Australia and New Zealand some day (sigh) but a gal can dream xxxx

rm_wombat105 49M

8/30/2006 4:48 am

great blog, lol

been to Aus and N.Z. great places to live wish i was their.

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