|Blogs > broadluvs77 > On being a sexual deviant|
more mundane ramblings
more mundane ramblings
Well, my attitude about my job really hasn't changed that much. I'm not as stressed, though, since I got to bounce my delimma off of a couple of friends. I'm going to go out and hit the bricks a little today - pass out my resume and follow up on one lead, then go over to one or two staffing agencies and apply.
School means a lot to me, and being able to complete the next two semesters will mean that I can get my massage therapy license. I can start working for myself then, and even if I do still have a 'regular' job while I build up enough clientele to pay the bills, I don't mind. I just don't think it's going to be the job that I have right now.
I had a nightmare about the lead that I'm following up on this morning. It wasn't that bad. It just illustrated all the stresses that have been in my life, my insecurities, and my fear that the guy won't hire me. There was a lot of stupid stuff and people that I've had issues with in the past were also in the dream.
I'm a little proud of myself this morning, too. I have decided to really be hard on myself as far as diet and exercise between now and New Year's Eve. Part of the incentive is knowing that I need to really trim my household budget. Part of the incentive is that I need to be a good example to my clients. Part of the incentive is the attraction thing. I stepped on the scale this weekend, and I've let myself get up to almost 240 lbs. That just ain't right, and it's no one's fault but my own. I have drastically cut the food intake, and already I've lost a solid 5 lbs. Of course, that's probably mostly water, but seeing the scale go down helps a lot toward my attitude about myself. I don't want to remain a size 20 forever.
Although I know there are plenty of men out there who are fine with a woman with my body type, I need to stop letting myself go. I need to take care of my body and look like I'm proud to be who I am. It might even help me a bit in my job search, too. I have a great personality, and I'm intelligent, but unless someone is willing to go beyond first physical impressions (which is not that common) I don't stand a chance of meeting someone to be a real companion in life. Let's face it, even if you say looks don't matter, they do. I've turned down plenty of propositions because the person was physically unattractive to me. I won't be a hippocrit in that matter.