Some days, I wonder if it was really worth getting up  

broadluvs77 52F
73 posts
9/3/2005 6:38 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Some days, I wonder if it was really worth getting up

Yeah, I have had the day from HELL. I was expecting to spend a little time in the arms of someone special who I haven't seen in a long time this morning. In case you haven't already guessed, something happened to blow those plans right out of the water. It's just that I have just been under so much stress lately, and I was really counting on that friend being there to help me escape my life for a while. I'm still feeling pretty sorry for myself right now, too.

I started back to college after an entire lifetime (seriously - I'm more than twice the age of the youngest person in my class, and the average age in the class is 15 years younger than I am). I'm taking some really hard courses with a lot of memorization (Biology, psych, anatomy,....). I've got an A average in all my classes so far (woo hoo! sure beats the c- average I barely maintained in art school 20+ years ago). I've also started a brand new job where I am my own boss, so to speak. I'm allowed to make my schedule each week, and pretty much choose what to do within the scope of my job - including defining my job. My boss has been supportive about my school, but he hasn't told me if I'm doing a good job. I can only assume that I'm doing what he wants since I'm not getting yelled at or any negative feedback, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about things at work.

Since I live alone, and I'm still trying to pay off a substantial debt I accrued a few years ago, I'm also responsible for all my household bills and the upkeep of my house. It's pretty humble, and a little on the messy side most of the time. I'm behind on general maintenance, and my yard looks like crap. Some folks might even say I live like trailer trash because of the way my garden is so overgrown. Some might wonder if I'm going out of the plant business because the greenhouse and plants are so grassy, and the shop has turned into a junk storage shed.

After I paid the bills that are absolutely due this week, I have a grand total of $40 for gas and groceries. I still have all these little things to fix around the house - luckily my sofa covers the bad spot in the living room floor. [Please God, don't let my car break down or I'm really screwed!!!]

Well, a lot of good that last hour did. I'm even more depressed than I was when I started writing this post. I wanted to get some of the stress out of my system, but it's just making my neck hurt more. And, now I can't help but think about the fact that my birthday is a week away and I have no one to celebrate it with.

Damn! I hate feeling this way! I guess I'll just go study until I drop. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight if nothing else.

RogueDragon 60M
213 posts
9/3/2005 8:08 pm

Sorry about your plans getting screwed up....been there too. And I know how it is going back to school, I started grad school last year. My next session starts this week and it will be a bitch since it is only 8 weeks instead of 16. And yes I still owe ya coffee.

broadluvs77 52F

9/4/2005 7:01 am

At least one person out there cares ! Anyway, I'm a bit better today. Still terribly sleep deprived, but functional. And, I'm not quite as steamed about my lover not contacting me to tell me he couldn't come over yesterday morning, although I still miss him terribly. It kinda helps knowing that he felt like a real heel for making me cry. I've got about 6 chapters total to read for 3 classes by Tuesday and a test to study for, so I'm not going to get much sleep tonight either. Luckily, one of my network friends who is a massage therapist is coming over tonight to help me with some of my homework and exchange massages. Chaz is a real sweetie. Maybe he'll be able to work some of the physical tension out of my neck and shoulders so I can sleep soundly when I finally go to bed tonight, and I know he'll give me that big hug I so desperately need.

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