|Blogs > broadluvs77 > On being a sexual deviant|
LIfe takes a turn
LIfe takes a turn
Okay, here I was thinking that I had all this great stuff to say - words of wisdom to share, and all that jazz. Truth is, I don't have an awful lot to say that will be a benefit, or even entertaining to other people out there. I'm in a place and time in my life that is changing constantly, and I'm trying my best to sort it out to no avail. My old lover is gone and I mourn the end of our relationship, but deep down I knew it wouldn't last. So, I'm ready to move on.
I met someone new who I like a lot. He has a great sense of humor and seems to be a really nice guy. He has a tendency to really put on the charm and sell himself which puts me a bit on my guard as far as his sincerety goes. I suspect all the years he's spent in a customer service related career have contributed to his over-abundance of charm. Add that to recent events in my love life, and you can understand why I'm a bit wary to let my guard down.
Sex with him is one of those things that just gets better every time. The first time, his nervousness and the newness of being together really showed - for both of us. The next time, things were a lot less awkward and were both a lot more relaxed. He's a bit of a freak - talks dirty and slaps my ass, can really pump hard. Here I was on my knees with him pounding me pretty hard from behind, slapping my ass, his hands in my hair - both of us getting into it - moaning, talking dirty, etc. Right in the middle of things he does the sweetest thing - he drops out of the Mr. sex crazed maniac mode for a few short seconds and asks me in the most tender tone of voice if I'm okay and makes sure he's not hurting me by being a little rough. That one little tender act was almost as nice as the belated birthday cake he dropped by one afternoon. Right then, I would have done almost anything for him if he'd asked.
School has been going well for me so far this semester, even though it is really hard. So far, I'm making A's in all my classes. That is such a big stretch from the first time I went to college and was barely scraping by. I think the biggest difference is that this time I can really see a future beyond college, when last time I had no direction. The fact that I'm paying for it all by myself this time certainly goes a long way, too. I'm more mature and I really like what I'm studying. I realized earlier today that I'll be getting my degree exactly 25 years after high school graduation, too.
As far as my job, I'm not the happiest camper there. The biggest thing is that I don't get any supervision so to speak. Don't get me wrong - I love being able to make my own schedule and choose what I'm going to do for the day. It's just that my boss doesn't really give me any kind of feedback at all about my job performance. The other thing that disturbs me is that he told me that he wanted me to be responsible for staying in touch with the store managers, yet he refused to give me a phone list. His exact words to me when I asked for a contact list were "If you need to contact someone, do it through me." The one time that he did give me some real feedback on my performance was when he got a very minor negative report from one of the 2 store managers I actually have worked with. I'm talking extremely minor here, and he didn't yell at me or anything like that. He did finally give me some guidelines as to what he was expecting from me after that - the kind of thing I'd asked him for on the very first day I started working for the company. I know being stressed about school and my grades makes me a little sensitive to the situation, so I'm just going to do the best I can do without worrying too much about whether I'm doing a good job. In the meantime, I'm going to go to the job counseling center on campus and see what kinds of income opportunities there are out there. With the gas prices going through the roof like they are right now, I'm even considering finding something else to do that's close to campus, and that's something I don't have to think too much about (like retail or waiting tables) until I finish school. I was laid off from my old job and never did start collecting unemployment. If I'm still eligible to collect my benefits, I may just go ahead and start doing that so I can devote my time to school and not worry about the job any more. That would also give me some time to finish remodeling my house and set up my office so that next summer, once I've gotten my MT license, I'll be ready to start seeing the paying clients.
Anyway, I know that the chances are pretty slim that my fairy god mother or guardian angel is going to show up on my doorstep to wave a magic wand and fix everything for me. It sure would be nice, but that isn't likely to happen. Maybe with the help of a few good friends and a pick up truck, I can fix things myself. Keep your fingers crossed.