Just in case anyone is interested,...  

broadluvs77 52F
73 posts
9/4/2005 8:09 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Just in case anyone is interested,...

Today is a bit better as far as my outlook on life. I'm very sleep deprived, but that's nothing new lately. You've seen all the stuff that I'm dealing with, so you probably have an idea.

Anyway, I'm feeling better about the events from yesterday morning. There was pretty much one little thing that sent me over the edge. That was the fact that my lover didn't contact me to tell me that he couldn't come over. He said he'd be here before 8:00, and I was so looking forward to seeing him after almost a month. I got up early and took a nice long bath, shaved my legs, pits, pussy - the whole nine yards. I was so smooth and soft, and smelled fantastic. I checked my e-mail and studied until 8:00. No lover, no phone call, no e-mail. I decided to wait a few minutes and see if he'd call or show up. After about 20 minutes, I couldn't stand the wait, so I called him. Almost the first words out of his mouth were "I need to take a raincheck" and proceeded to tell me why.

The reason why is to be expected because he's married. He had a crisis at home that he had to take care of. I understand that and I know that his wife comes first. I knew from the day we met that the chances of me ever coming first in his life were slim to none. I made the choice to pursue the relationship knowing full well that loving him was going to be a very big challenge. The fact that his wife knows about me and some very intimate details of our times together does make me uncomfortable. I'm curious about the same details of their times together, but I don't ask because I don't want him to feel that I'm trying to compete for his affections.

I'm only human. I do admit that I did feel a little bit of resentment for not being 'first' yesterday. It's only natural, and I'm over that part of the experience.

What I'm not over is the fact that he didn't show me the respect of at least an attempt to tell me he couldn't come. THAT is what made me feel like I didn't matter to him. All the times that other lovers were constantly late or didn't show up for dates came crashing down on me in an instant. I suddenly felt the same way I did when 'Norman' couldn't stand up to his brother the day we were supposed to drive to Myrtle Beach with friends and tell him that we were late - instead, he sat his suitcase on the ground and went to mow his brother's grass and left me to wait in the car. And, the time that 'John' was 2 hours late for a family function he promised to go to me with. Then there's the time my 1st husband told me that it didn't matter to him if I had to wait for an hour in the car while he chatted with a co-worker. When you've been a doormat like that in the past, and someone you know loves you does something insensitive like that it hurts to the core.

So, guys (and gals) please remember to show the people in your personal relationships the same respect that you'd show people in your professional relationships and you'll avoid a lot of heartache.

keystonenc 42M
144 posts
9/4/2005 10:55 am

I can kind of empathize with you on that one. I had a relationship with someone who was a single mother and I knew that I was always going to be second fiddle to the child. I didn't mind that much as the child and I actually got along quite well. He even called me Uncle which I thought was kind of cute. But, it still sucked when plans to get together would be scuttled or changed because of one thing or another revolving around the child. It does start to wear on you because you start feeling like it is a relationship of convenience where you only get together when it is convenient for them to do so. It was a fun time for a while but I eventually decided that I needed to start looking for someone who would, at the very least, be able to give me attention when I wanted it on occassion.

broadluvs77 52F

9/4/2005 2:57 pm

Thanks for sharing with me keystonenc.

2003ClassicXL 46M
1 post
9/4/2005 9:14 pm

I am sorry to read about your unfortunate experience. I just wanted to say hello and that I would love to meet you sometime. You sound like a great lady to know and to spend some good time with. I would love to hear from you sometime if nothing else but to talk. Well have a better one and take care.

RogueDragon 60M
213 posts
9/5/2005 7:32 am

Glad your feeling better. Lovers, work, school....sounds like a complex life.... how I know that. Don't study too hard.....

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