the weight of the world - OFF  

blueeyedmurder3 59F
40 posts
7/21/2005 8:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

the weight of the world - OFF


I'll spare you the details, it was ugly and very very sad. His behavior was so bizarre I actually called the police this AM and asked them to keep an eye on my house in case he tried to steal the dogs. 10 years ago, that mere CONCEPT would have been totally ridiculous - him doing anything illegal, or out of anger.

I was a tightly wound spring until I got home today and found both red fuzzy faces waiting for me at the dining room window. And I actually got down on my knees in the driveway and thanked God for getting me to the end of this.

Tonight, I feel as though I've run a marathon. My muscles are heavy, my eyes drooping, yet I don't want to sleep as I savor the incredible feeling of freedom. An absence of anxiety. Peace. Finally peace.

All day today, in between freaking out about the dogs, I thought of what can change now. Seeing men in public! Not being followed, not getting hang up phone calls. Not having to see him daily at work and feel as though the whole mess hadn't stopped at all - even after the seperation and divorce. No more holing up in the house, hiding out. No more fear of making love - no more fear that the car will be spotted in the driveway and a scene started. It's simply blissful. And I actually left the house and went to a little league ball game - then RETURNED THE DAMNED CANS!!!!!!!! That's only taken 5 months! Drove around at dusk and marveled that I was out and about.

This weekend is going to be nirvana. The possibilities are simply endless!!!!!

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