my sexual makeup pt. 2  

blueeyedmurder3 59F
40 posts
7/22/2005 11:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

my sexual makeup pt. 2

One night, I hit the basement. That's a chatroom for the BDSM people. I was scared shitless. And what I found was a bunch of people where were more polite, educated and genteel than most of the people in the "vanilla" chatrooms. Nobody starts IMing you with messages like "Hey lady want to fuck?" I was immediately comfortable. And I started talking with them all.

I learned that I'm not a true submissive. That I would rather play at it than live the lifestyle 24/7. i.e. I would make a lousy slave. Also learned that I can probably switch off and be a dom for somebody when they need it. Some of the people who live D/s full time look down on this roleplaying stuff - but truly, that's all it is for me. I don't want to get mindfucked and have a need to be submissive to someone constantly to be comfortable. Like it's punishment.

I'm still learning. Learning that there are no real definitions for these mind games we play. That people make their own rules and that nothing is really right or wrong.

So I decided to approach it like that. I got off the "apppropriate" behavior thing - and just went out and met men and had sex. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to hell - but I laugh that off, and just get on about things. I truly want to make the most of the sexual years I have left. I may be a bit promiscuous for a bit even.

Then if I had any doubts that my little experiment was working, something wonderful happened.

I'll tell you about that tomorrow - cause it's 2:30 am and I'm FRIED.

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