|Blogs > blueeyedmurder3 > confessions of a BDSM wannabe|
ah the folly of the internet love affair. A true fairy tale, since you script it, cast it and control it totally in your head. Anyone who's played on the net at all knows after one of these (or maybe 2 if you're slow) that they're in no way real. And that if you have ANY idea that you're going to make them real, that you have to meet the person involved and start over from ground zero.
After all, you're taken the bare set of facts about a person, usually including a photo that's attracted you in the first place, and spun them into the person who will satisfy all your hopes and dreams. THEN, you don't even give them the chance to act as a human in that role - you turn them into a puppet, and pull strings to make them behave exactly as you need them to. If you have IM interaction, you twist it into what you want to hear. Likely, they are doing the same to you. And the interaction is even slower than the telephone! You can talk to someone for MONTHS and exchange so little information that the person exists largely from the blanks you've filled in. Made up. Skewed hugely!
I know better. In fact I know TWO better. I know that the moment you pick up the phone and hear a real voice that you start over from scratch. You are talking to a total stranger. That first time, it hits hard. To have been so intimate (or so you thought) and then to have it disintigrate to nothingness is a humbling experience. THEN god help you, if you choose to meet in person, it happens AGAIN. TOtal stranger. Back to the starting line. Only having the bare minimum of familiarity to work with. Awkward. Embarrassing. Just the same as meeting someone fresh and starting from nowhere. Thus is the trap of internet dating. You are truly better off arranging a face to face meeting as early as you can in the process. So as to not let your own brain betray you with its romaticized delusions. Yes, I know better.
Except when I don't.
And when I want to be completely obstinate about defying my own rules, I am a true pain in the ass to myself.
Story to follow later.