|Blogs > blueeyedmurder3 > confessions of a BDSM wannabe|
Let's get down to business
Let's get down to business
Now that the drama is over, it's time to attend to some physical needs! Perfectly fine to get horny again now - and to catch up on all that physical stuff I've been neglecting for 2 years since this started. The most important and most difficult thing will be getting an exercise routine going again. Even to just start to walk every day would be an improvement. And beyond the need to lose 15 pounds and tone everything that's floppy right now, I have to improve my lung capacity - this humidity is making it impossible to take a deep breath. Asthma sucks, but it IS controlable.
I also went out and got a pkg of white strips - will make an appt. for a haircut today - and plan to start getting OUT OF THE HOUSE.
In terms of sexual needs, I have to replace some sex toys. The dogs love to chew up vibes and when one got my rabbit I was PISSED. Experimenting with the S&M stuff is satisfying in a sick kind of way - but I can't really tie myself up! I really do need to find a partner who is also starting from the ground up - and the level of trust involved in that is not going to make it a quick process. In the meantime, all S&M has to be self inflicted. That means "training". LOL. Working with clamps, insertions, stretching and testing just how far I can go. And of course, the endless experimentation with enemas. That could be a book! I'm not crazy about talking about it publicly, because it's kind of out there even for BDSM people - but because more and more people are using them to prepare for anal, it seems like some common sense precautions and education is necessary on the site.
I guess whenever you discuss a fetish you have that others don't share, you run into the risk of ridicule. And there's always the concern of protecting people's privacy here - including my own! Once you write something on the internet, it's out there and you can't take it back. This is a bad thing if you ever plan to run for public office, or become wildly famous.
Anyway, enemas are my special thing. So far, I've only done it alone. Just once, I let my lover administer one to me - which simply involved him inserting the nozzle, turning the hose on and leaving. Completely non erotic. I do better on my own. There's a few health reasons to use them. One of which is certainly legitimate - to relieve occasional severe constipation that can't be resolved with fiber or drugs. Effective, non-invasive and totally non chemical. The other more suspect health reason is to "remove toxins" from the bowel that have accumulated over your whole life. This thinking also can utilize "infusions" of substances into your system - which are taken up MUCH more quickly than through the digestive system. The only more effective uptake is to inject directly into the bloodstream. All of this is controversial, and somewhat dangerous. You can't monitor amounts - and a lot of substances which are used are suspect as well.
For example - a popular enema solution is coffee. Health enthusiasts will tell you it removes toxins and does all kinds of wonderful stuff to the lining of the colon - when in fact all you're getting is a huge caffeine jolt. Everything else is conjecture. And seldom are you told to dilute the solution so you don't ulcerate the bowel. Even more dangerous are the people who like to do enemas with wine or beer. Beer in particular is a risk because of the carbonation! Rupture or herniation are possibilities. And with ANY alcohol, the uptake is enough to send your blood alcohol level soaring very quickly! A woman in Texas was recently indicted on some degree of homicide charges after she administered a Harvey's Bristol Cream Enema to her hubby - and he died of alcohol poisoning! It's like everything else in sex play. Like a doctor, "do no harm".
Now that I've scared you to death, I can talk about why I do them and like them. There are many MANY nerve endings in the anus. There is a feeling of fullness that can be VERY comforting and arousing. There is a forbidden aspect (that goes back to childhood for me, and for many others who like it) and for those of us who like to play with control and the pleasure/pain line, it can be Nirvana. The control aspect is strictly fantasy when you're on your own, but the pain play is not. And since you control it yourself, you can "train" yourself to know what you can handle and what you can not. Later, I hope to lay down the rules to a partner, and let someone "make me" have one.
For some people, the release portion is part of the turn on. Not for me. By that time, the sexual part of it is over as far as I'm concerned. I don't enjoy playing in shit. I like to get rid of the mess in private - eventually I'd like to have to wait until I'm allowed to release it, but still have the privacy to keep some dignity! As odd as that may sound. All I get out of the release is blessed relief - and after a shower, a great sense of cleanliness. It IS great to prepare for anal this way. And for me, necessary because ANY sex will be messy for me without clearing things out. My orgasms tend to be VERY strong contractions.
More later today......
7/22/2005 11:46 pm
Do you like giving Enemas as well as reciving?|