|Blogs > blondie66720 > my thoughts & feelings 2-12-06|
Was thinking again on the if submission is a gift or not. I still do not see it as a gift. Please remember these are my thoughts and feelings about this. I am not here to change anyO/one mind on this.
I see my submission is something special. I can not give it away that easy. S/some might think T/they can give it away or even take it. It does not go that way. It all boils down to this. I have to be in love with that P/person before I can even submit to H/him. That might take allot of work or it might not.
I see my love as a gift that I can give to the O/one that I will be submitting to. H/he has to earn my love before I can even let my submission out. Yes I can be with someO/one and submit to H/him. But it is not the same. It is a different type of submission. I can play with M/men without loving T/them at all. I see that as being used as a doormat sometimes. Not always. I have F/friends that I can play with but it is not the same. I do not play with T/them that much because I seek more then what T/they can offer me.
I can tell when someO/one interest me in T/their world of this lifestyle. I will work hard to prove myself to H/him. That alone is part of being a submissive also. There so much out there that allot do not understand.
If Y/you can talk to me like a subbie with feelings and understand what is going on in my life at the moment then talk to me like that. Do not think by talking to me as a girl that does not know what she wants Y/you will not get away with it. I know what I want and I will work my damnest to win that P/person over. I might get hurt in the long run but I know that I have tried.
I hope that will give Y/you an insight of what I am seeking if not email me and maybe W/we can talk about it some more.
Now, about today. I have decided that I will not chat on line in the mornings for awhile because I really need to get my ass in gear on getting a job and getting my life back in order. I will do my journal entry, my blogs, and all of my emails. I will try to be on line in the evenings so I can chat. I can not promise that I will be because I do share the pc with my roommates.
To just fill everyO/one in again. I do live with a man. We are not married. We are only roommates. He has his own bedroom and I have my own bedroom. No we do not have sex at all. He has a Master out in California. I do not have a Master. No I do not want to serve that Master. I want my own Master. My roommate is a TV/CD gurl. I am a 100% female born and raised. I do have stretch marks from having 3 boys. Right now I am in between jobs and my roommate is supporting me until I get on my feet again. Which I owe him thanks.
Anything else I have forgotten, I do not think so. Please remember these are my thoughts and feelings and I an not wrong or right on this. It just helps me think some days better about my life. It is good therapy for me to write it all down daily.
Well, I better let Y/you all go and get my ass ready for job hunting.
huggles and kisses, toy