The Turning Point  

bipolybabe 54F
10715 posts
6/19/2006 8:49 am

Last Read:
6/21/2006 12:56 pm

The Turning Point

For me, taking my first class on "The Female Orgasm" eight years ago became a turning point for choosing a life in which I found I no longer fit into the box I lived in before. I had no idea in advance of the impact on me of learning more about my body's potential for pleasure.

My journey into discovering what's possible has opened doors I didn't know existed. My sexploration has unleashed a torrent of words that I can't seem to dam up. I think about sex, write about sex, make plans for sex, have sex and in between try to buy groceries, pick up my kids on time from school, etc.

Does your sexuality define you as a person or is it just one facet of who you are? Are you aware of moments or choices that have helped to define who you are? Do we recognize these turning points only after the fact?

(c) 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

earthShiva 59M

6/19/2006 10:26 am

Prior to learning how to assure that my sexual identity was well-expressed, I think the repression of my sexuality had a lot to do with my self-definition. Unmet needs tend to stay in our awareness and motivate our behavior while satisfied needs do not.

Once I found that I could live in a state of sexual abundance, everything changed - my appetite, my body (lost a good 20 Lbs. without dieting, in fact.), my view of other people, my outlook on life.

One could look at my case as being more in touch with my sexuality, and thus more defined by it. Or one could look at me as liberated from my sexuality, and thus able to direct that same energy toward other creative priorities. I don't see one view as more correct than the other. The important point is that I am no longer defining myself by a belief system that my needs will not be fully met.

bipolybabe replies on 6/20/2006 10:45 pm:
I hadn't thought of it so much in relation to the abundance issue, but you're right. Once we stop worrying about "enough," everything shifts.

I also lost 20 pounds without dieting when I let go of assuming monogamy was the only righteous path.


LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
6/19/2006 2:30 pm

I think its just another side of me, but its pretty important to me. I could never go back to the sexless marriage I had before.

BTW Your new profile pic is awesome, you look so pretty.


bipolybabe replies on 6/20/2006 8:07 am:
I'm with ya. My marriage wasn't sexless but I felt I was. I hadn't embraced the full potential of my own sexuality.

I believe it takes a lot of pyschic energy for women to have the right energy available for sex. What I mean is that we really need to take care of ourselves, do the things that feed our souls and have enough time to think about sex, to imagine it, so that we're "up" for it.


meerkittykat 42F

6/19/2006 4:31 pm

As a whole, my sexuality is a facet of me, and I think I have many things to offer. Situationally, my sexuality can be a prevalent part of me; be it in congress with a lover or using some form of feminine wiles to get what I need. Sometimes, it's barely all depends.

wickedeasy 66F  
25338 posts
6/19/2006 5:29 pm


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

bipolybabe replies on 6/20/2006 7:59 am:
Could you say more about that?


Would you say more about that? Perhaps in your blog?


rm_galileopan 60M
45 posts
6/19/2006 7:52 pm

Yes, my sexuality has always been a big part of my identity and has only gotten more central over time. And as earthShiva noted, I think it completely changes my relationship to life to live in a world of sexual abundance.

Yes, I'm very aware of sexual events and relationships that were mind-expanding: "it's never been like *this* before!"

Sometimes yes -- my first one on one (sex, of course) date with The Queen -- I realized at the time it happened: "my life has changed". And with my wife, the epiphany wasn't primarily sexual, but there was this moment when it came time for her to move back to Florida where we both said "Nope, not happening. We have to be together; the remaining questions are mere logistics". Sometimes no: I didn't realize how deeply Faye Desiree (escort and tantrika, now sadly deceased) had touched and inspired me for several months after meeting her (which is to say, first paying her $300 / hr). She was one of those people who radiates the possibility of a more joyful life to those around her -- and I got to fuck her. We were becoming friends, my wife had decided to study with her, and she'd just invited us down for some non-professional play when she died. Knowing her, especially sexually, was one of those turning points.

Another one I didn't recognize at the time was my transition to functioning as a sexual healer or "sacred intimate" -- women were calling me up to have sex with them specifically to help them with problems or issues (how to feel sexually confident again after a radical mastectomy, or "I've been a lesbian all my life and at age 40 it's time to check out the penis thing. I've done my research and you have good references", or "my partner just died of cancer and I can't deal with it nor with a 'relationship', so Jane told me to call you"). The turning point out of that was clear -- I slept with The Queen, and my time / energy / desire for that got completely diverted.

So yeah, sex is a defining part of who I am.

bipolybabe replies on 6/20/2006 8:04 am:
Hmmm...I might have guessed that

I think a relevant question, that I'll ask soon, is how much time we spend on sex on a weekly or monthly basis, including blogging about it, thinking about it and planning our sexual activities.

Could be revealing, huh?


QueenOfSwords 34F

6/19/2006 9:38 pm

In one way or another yes my sexuality has always influenced my life directly or indirectly, but it doesnt define it. Perhaps thats where Ive been going wrong.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
6/19/2006 10:22 pm

    Quoting LIBlonde97:
    I think its just another side of me, but its pretty important to me. I could never go back to the sexless marriage I had before.

    BTW Your new profile pic is awesome, you look so pretty.

I agree with that. Yes, I went through experiences that were turning points for me...that I want to enjoy sex with a partner I enjoy..but I don't care for just casual sex either...but that part of my life was missing for so long, and I want to have it back again. Very good post.

jst4fun915 34F

6/20/2006 9:29 am

Hi BPB! I think I'll take you up on that interview, because while I do try to blog about my open marriage, it can be difficult to know just how much to "kiss and tell", so to speak, and an interview might be just the thing to answer any questions my readers might be afraid to ask!! Shoot me an email, and we can go from there! I love your blog, I know a polyamorous woman from my "personal/family" blog, and am quite intrigued by the dynamics of their family. She is actually about to deliver a baby, and there are multiple children already in the family, although I'm not sure which children belong to which partners (2f/1m). It must be interesting to see how the older children feel about the relationships that make up their non-traditional family!


6/20/2006 1:00 pm

Sexuality certainy is a big aspect of my life and in ways defines me. I am passionate, giving, and loving in and out of sex. Wasn't always this way but it came about in but a moment. {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

Wordsmith2004 36M
7233 posts
6/20/2006 3:57 pm

I think sexuality is merely a kind of "sharpener" or a "bullshit cutter" to discover who you REALLY are...

When one is free it live their life the way they really want to without any lies, or holding back, then and onl then, can they be said to live in a state of hot "High-definition"

Conserve Water and Prevent Global Warming: Shower With A MILF!

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/20/2006 4:50 pm

I have always felt that my sexuality was more than meerly a part of who I am and more a defining point of my personality. Like you sex has long been a focal point of my life, whether I was actively pursueing it or not. I have long felt that my sexual "switch" of awareness was thrown so early in life without my consent that it greatly defined me as a person. I am continually discovering and expanding my sexuality. Yes, in the big picture of life it is only one facet, but if I had to pick one facet and only one, sex would be the best. Great Post!



6/20/2006 8:33 pm

The older I get.. the more I want.. and want to explore .. i think it has to do with accepting myself..and um... when the kid left the nest.. so did our clothes

Great post

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

bipolybabe replies on 6/20/2006 10:43 pm:
Gosh, um, all of us are glad that your kids flew the coop and you took off your clothes for so many lovely pix!


earthShiva 59M

6/21/2006 8:27 am

    Quoting QueenOfSwords:
    In one way or another yes my sexuality has always influenced my life directly or indirectly, but it doesnt define it. Perhaps thats where Ive been going wrong.
You're not "going wrong", darling. You're just getting where you're going. It'll become clearer down the road that you were on the right path all along.

Iwakura16Eyes 37F

6/21/2006 11:10 am

my sexuality heals me.
~I enable myself to feel something besides the everyday shit that plagues me.
my sexuality releases me (more
~I am able to let a side of me out that no one else knows or sees--and I enjoy that very much. I have a very "professional" side to me--it comes with my field. I have also been told that sometimes I am a different woman at every encounter... ask them--I have NO clue... all I know is I am having fun...

it doesn't define my life... it is entwined in the fiber of my being. It is a part of who I am... and I think that kicks ass... part of what makes me an empowered woman, IMO... also makes it a privilege to be in my little realm.... *grins*

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