The Desire Disparity  

bipolybabe 54F
10715 posts
7/22/2006 9:56 am

Last Read:
7/31/2006 10:29 am

The Desire Disparity

It seems to be conventional wisdom that women desire sex less than men do, that men are always thinking about sex and would say "yes" to sex any time anywhere, and that women want it sometimes. That doesn't seem to be the case for the women whose blogs I read here

So, I'm curious about whether you've ever experienced a difference in desire.

Do you desire sex more often than your partner? Does your partner desire sex more often than you?

All the time? Occasionally? Or does it ebb and flow back and forth between you?
I'm a woman and I always desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a woman and I sometimes desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a woman and I occasionally desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a woman and my partner(s) and I seem to have a similar level of sexual desire.
I'm a woman and high desire ebbs and flows back and forth with my partner(s).
I'm a man and I always desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a man and I sometimes desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a man and I occasionally desire sex more often than my partner(s).
I'm a man and my partner(s) and I seem to have a similar level of sexual desire.
I'm a man and high desire ebbs and flows back and forth with my partner(s).


BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!



ProtonicMan 47M

7/22/2006 4:23 pm

This poll seems to apply more to those in a steady relationship. Not necessarily a marriage, or even a monogamous one, but one where both partners are readily available to one another for sex.

I don't fit that right now, so I'm not answering.

TJ


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:12 am:
Well, the poll about desire disparity says "partner(s)" which was an indirect way of saying "anyone you've ever fucked."

So, in your estimation, do you think you consistently have higher libido than the women with whom you've had sexual relations? Or do they tend to have higher sex drives?

BPB

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
7/22/2006 7:11 pm

Ditto what Protonic said...


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:13 am:
Ditto what I said to Protonic.

BPB

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
7/23/2006 1:02 am

Me too, but I voted on past experience


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:13 am:
Ah hah, smart dude!

So which is it? You or the women?

BPB

libgemOH 56M/52F

7/23/2006 5:34 am

You already know this one! Energizer bunny here!! -B


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:14 am:
Yep, I coulda guessed that one!

I'm curious about whether you've always been "The Energizer Bunny" or if it's a change since hitting a certain age--peri-menopause--as it has been for me. I used to be a once a week is okay kinda gal!

BPB

island_age 54M

7/23/2006 6:26 am

I think my answer to this one could be that my partner desire sex on an equal amount, however over time I have found that woman tend to use the sex card as a tool to get something else! Yard work, fix a car, paint a house, take to a movie etc... Now don't get me wrong this is not a bad thing, it is actually a fun thing at times. But with this guy sex is sex, a form of fun exercise and way to express themselves.


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:16 am:
I don't expect to trade anything for sex. Sex is a given in my opinion, just like an allowance for my children.

Then, we do the things that need to help one another out just because it's nice to do so and makes a household work better.

I'm with you on sex as just a fun way to express ourselves and not a trading card.

BPB

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/23/2006 7:03 am

Ditto to Protonic....I am not in a steady relationship right now.
But, after years of a sexless marriage, I am definitely a match for the men that I have been involved with. I think the sex drive is the same. I've got a lot of lost time to make up for!


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:18 am:
Do you think it's the sexless marriage that you're compensating for or is it possible that it's just a shift in your needs and expectations for sex due to the hormonal shift that happens for us women at about this age?

Just curious, and you are not compelled to answer by any means!

BPB

rm_ChiRugger 42M

7/23/2006 7:10 am

I have had relationships where the desire was equal to mine, but generally I have a higher libido. Currently, I am in my own personal hell. I absolutely love my girlfriend, but I can't get her to want to have sex more that once every other month. I have never cheated on her, but if I had more time on my hands, I don't think this would last. I would prefer an ebb and flow because than I wouldn't feel like I am not begging for something that I think is a natural part of a relationship. It always scares me because my friends say the sex is less regular when you get married. I wouldnot mind getting married, but less than once a month I don't think I could hack it.


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:19 am:
Yow! I thought things were slow in my marriage when we had sex once a week whether we needed it or not. I'm not sure I could survive with once every other month.

Good luck, my friend!

BPB

wickedeasy 66F  
25463 posts
7/23/2006 7:12 am

after menopause - i found myself insatiable - and blessed to have found a partner who is the same way

BUT
i've been in relationships where one or the other had less of a sex drive and it is terribly frustrating
i've also been celibate for protracted lengths of time

wonder how that fits into this equation

smooches

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:20 am:
Since entering peri-menopause, I've been pretty much insatiable.

I've never been celibate, though I'm thinking that may happen

BPB

spacecadet561 59M

7/23/2006 10:26 am

When I got married, 21 years ago, the wife and I seemed well matched in terms of sex drive. We've both gone downhill over time, but she seems to be at the bottom of Death Valley while I feel like I've got a fair bit left. However, her list of projects that require my time, energy, and money seems endless. So, I've gone from "pussy-whipped" down to just plain "whipped". That's why I'm in AdultFriendFinder, and I suspect why most of the respondents who claim higher sex drive than their partners are also here.

SpaceCadetรน


JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
7/23/2006 12:09 pm

    Quoting spacecadet561:
    When I got married, 21 years ago, the wife and I seemed well matched in terms of sex drive. We've both gone downhill over time, but she seems to be at the bottom of Death Valley while I feel like I've got a fair bit left. However, her list of projects that require my time, energy, and money seems endless. So, I've gone from "pussy-whipped" down to just plain "whipped". That's why I'm in AdultFriendFinder, and I suspect why most of the respondents who claim higher sex drive than their partners are also here.
... gone from "pussy-whipped" to just "whipped" ! I like that way of putting it. My ex still doesn't seem to get this... still thinks I should do this and that "little thing"... without a reward? even a positive comment? Ummmmmmmmmm... maybe... I'll think about it.


tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
7/23/2006 1:04 pm

Ummm the last one should say Male? Would have picked that one.

Interesting stuff of collage students.

When a Male was approached by an "Attrative" Female and litterally said I think you are cut let go have sex. 90 yes I said 90 percent said sure with almost no or little other promting.

When the same thing was reversed the results were very different
None of the women said yes right away
75 percent refused outright

I don't think that the desire is nessarily different but the approach diffinatly is.

Guys approach I think is base more recreationally and self-serving.

Females approach is more long term. Now I'm going out on a limb here because, well I'm male and don't have a womb. But that long term outlook is founded in the very real fact that the "fun" could result in a child that a woman will have growing inside her. Men simply don't have that responcibility to carry. Not the whole answer, just a thought....

Dippin <--- Smurf


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:22 am:
Thanks for catching the typo. Freelove's response about the lower number of yeses from college students was interesting. Did you see it?

BPB

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
7/23/2006 8:45 pm

I'd sat my libido is normally as high if not higher than my male counterparts. I don't think it is an uncommon in females as people think. Maybe some women still aren't comfortable enough to say so, who knows!

This does not explain my current dilema of a missing Mojo!!

Frangi


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:23 am:
Have you always had the same high libido?

Just curious,

BPB

tongueFunNgames 55M  
491 posts
7/24/2006 1:36 am

mt partners always seem to have a high sex drive. I guess it is because I have to eat their pussies everyday that I see I them.


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
7/24/2006 2:15 am

i wish i could find a partner who is into sex as much as me and who can maintain the level of intensity i have for the activity...



[blog freelove999]


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:23 am:
Yep, me too. It seems men's interest is really high at first and then tapers off.

How're you doing?

BPB

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
7/24/2006 2:19 am

    Quoting tootsiedippin:
    Ummm the last one should say Male? Would have picked that one.

    Interesting stuff of collage students.

    When a Male was approached by an "Attrative" Female and litterally said I think you are cut let go have sex. 90 yes I said 90 percent said sure with almost no or little other promting.

    When the same thing was reversed the results were very different
    None of the women said yes right away
    75 percent refused outright

    I don't think that the desire is nessarily different but the approach diffinatly is.

    Guys approach I think is base more recreationally and self-serving.

    Females approach is more long term. Now I'm going out on a limb here because, well I'm male and don't have a womb. But that long term outlook is founded in the very real fact that the "fun" could result in a child that a woman will have growing inside her. Men simply don't have that responcibility to carry. Not the whole answer, just a thought....

    Dippin <--- Smurf
i think there are MANY reasons for this that are not all just to do with libido... on my blog today, i posted on how i trimmed my own sexual activity because other considerations took the forefront ... i don't think we should underestimate that are placed on women regarding sex that are not placed on men ... not just violence, but the names we get called, the expectations of "purity" etc etc.



[blog freelove999]


earthShiva 59M

7/24/2006 8:27 am

Having been through all sorts of ebbs, flows, dry spells, double-teaming, relief teams, etc. It appears to me that it works like this -- Healthy men desire sex constantly. Two things mitigate this - satisfaction and frustration. When men are satisfied, they bounce back. How fast depends on individual traits, but usually quickly.

If men are frustrated, their overt sex drive will elevate, but not forever. Eventually their dance with the hope for satisfying sex and the frustration of not finding satisfaction becomes like the dance between Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football. Underlying their life is still the desire, but it is mitigated by the fear of going splat yet again! Some guys keep trying but become more and more defended and selfish, others hang up their cleats and just shut down that part of themselves. When the problem was a complete lack of sex, the couple settles down to a quiet middle-aged lifestyle. When the problem is that the sex just wasn't satisfying, [erhaps the wife ends up here...

For women, it seems the sexual response needs to be turned on. The lucky women have had enough positive sexual experience to know the benefit and consciously turn it on for themselves or have a good dance going and can depend on their partner as a pilot light. The rest seem to let it go dormant until something actually stimulates it. Sadly, for many women this stops happening. Thus the skewed ration here...


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:25 am:
Yes, I do think women need their sexual desire turned on, but I think there's a hormonal shift--or just the freeing up of time and energy--when women hit a certain age that we become insatiable.

BPB

buddhamike 105M
7006 posts
7/24/2006 8:54 am

I suppose I'm out of the norm here. The women I have been involved with seriously have tended to have high libido's and tend to be more sexually agressive than me.

I guess I'm just a fortunate one.


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:26 am:
I think you're fortunate but I also believe there are more women out there with high libidos than people imagine.

Women may hide it out of a sense of propriety.

BPB

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
7/24/2006 9:49 am

Since going through menopause..and with beginning to get past my health issues..I seem to be constantly horny. And me without a partner right now. There is something which causes me no end of delight..and I love letting people know..ORGASM REALLY IS MORE INTENSE AFTER MENOPAUSE. I absolutely love that fact.

Kiss

Kiss


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:27 am:
YAY! Thank you for sharing that orgasm really is more intense after menopause. That's the best news I've had in a while.

Now, if I'm on bio-identical hormone replacement that's keeping me from total menopause, am I likely to have the same experience of orgasm?

BPB

nightis 52M

7/24/2006 11:16 am

As usual, during a 13 year marriage, I was definitely the sexual aggressor. Now, I have been dating from the pool here on AdultFriendFinder and I have actually found a couple of women that may have a larger appetite than I do!


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:28 am:
I think you're fortunate but I also believe there are more women out there with high libidos than people imagine.

Women may hide it out of a sense of propriety, except here at AdultFriendFinder where we let our libido shine!

BPB

crazygurl2xx 56F

7/24/2006 11:24 am

if i have a satisfying partner, i want sex all the time. in 6 months my partner has only wanted sex 2 times when i was lukewarm on the idea. other than that, we went into this relationship with him worrying he would not be able to keep up!

LMAO yeah right babe! i think i have turned him into a freak (and not sorry one bit!)


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:28 am:
Freak on!

BPB

sugarbabyhhh 43F

7/25/2006 4:44 pm

i have a bunch of bfs because i need them all.


bipolybabe replies on 7/30/2006 8:29 am:
I think I need a few more

BPB

wickedeasy 66F  
25463 posts
7/30/2006 8:46 am

darlin' when you go celibate the world will have drifted off it's axis



You cannot conceive the many without the one.


bipolybabe replies on 7/31/2006 10:31 am:
I'm thinking that relationship failure, losing my Live-In Penis, might be just what the doctor ordered to channel my shakti energy into writing!

But, the truth is, I'd rather just keep fucking and having fun.

BPB

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
7/30/2006 8:00 pm

bipolybabe replies on 7/31/2006 2:23 am:
Have you always had the same high libido?

Just curious,

BPB


It has always been high but I guess after 12 months of no sex at all(the year before I left my ex), there was a bit of a "making up for lost time" thing going on.

Frangi


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