Riding the Orgasma-Tron...at Burning Man  

bipolybabe 54F
10715 posts
9/5/2006 12:56 am

Last Read:
8/6/2008 7:57 am

Riding the Orgasma-Tron...at Burning Man

For the first in this series of posts: see Fear No Penis...at Burning Man

My daughter said that the announcement amongst my ex-husband's (and my former) circle of friends that I was at Burning Man was met with silence.

Like...Isn't she too old for this 20-something rave?

Like...When is she going to grow up and behave like a 44-year-old woman?

The answer is "NEVER" if it means passing up the experiences that will make me smile when I'm sitting in my rocking chair and my knees hurt too much to bike around the desert to check out The Man before he burns.

In my defense, I will say that there were a lot of us aging Baby Boom/Burners there to take part in the art/alternative culture/drug/music/fucking extravaganza. (40,000 people converged on the desert this year.)

At the gate after I rang the bell as an event virgin, the greeter woman hugged me and said, "Have a great burn!" Then, she gave me a coupon for a free spanking as part of my initiation.

My next stop was to meet up with my polyamorous friends (see What is Poly or Polyamory?) from Santa Barbara at the Poly Paradise theme camp. The Poly Husband wiped his mustache and beard, but I still got a pussy kiss as he'd just been going down on The Queen of All Sexual Knowledge. I think she'd just ejaculated all over the place (as she is wont to do), and no amount of wiping could have erased the traces.

We planned to meet later after I'd found a nesting place. We never did meet up again. That's the way Burning Man goes. You go and go and go and meet new people. Then, I met up with friends in another Santa Barbara enclave who gave me shelter in their camp, which was an amazing U-shaped structure with portable canvas garages erected with canvas walls, carpet in the covered center patio and misters to spray water in the heat of the day. They had hauled it all up, with a week's worth of food and water for 16 people, in a Uhaul. This was a major undertaking, and I got the benefit of their experience in dealing with the environment. Their camp offered a chance for visitors to make enamel charm necklaces with a Burning Man symbol. For free. Lots of camps offered workshops, freebies (like free booze, caffeine or massages) or a place to hang out to avoid the heat of the day. There is no commerce allowed at Burning Man. People bring stuff to give away. I brought condoms and distributed them randomly, hoping everyone would have some good, safe fun.

A huge part of the current Burning Man experience is the physical environment. You suffer for your art in this high desert (4000 ft.) setting about two hours east of Reno, NV. It's fucking hot. And dry. And the wind blows alkaline dust off the ancient lake bed. Just our being there stirs it up. I’ll be picking dry dust boogers for weeks. There was a three-hour dust storm with white-out conditions before I got there. It was relatively calm, just hot as hell during the day and cold as hell at night. I wore my cowboy boots every minute and avoided the cracked "Burn Foot" suffered by sandal wearers. There are stinky Porta-Potties everywhere to avoid having people pee and poop on the ground (and destroy the eco-system). There are no “hook ups” for RVs but tons of generators for lighting “The Playa” where large scale art installations are placed, art cars run around and things burn.

My first night I was only slightly drunk as I wandered around dancing to a lot of annoying techno grooves (This is the part for which I was too old; I kept wondering, "Where are they playing MY music?" and I discovered the aging Burners like me didn't stay up late playing music).

I got spanked by a machine with a heart-shaped wooden paddle. I had a guy torch my naked ass to make sure there were no stray hairs left.

Then, I rode the Orgasma-Tron. I confess I am in love. Or lust. With a new sex toy. It's so cute with its '70s banana bike seat and knob placed in just the right spot for my pleasure. I refused, on principle, to fake it for The Lucky Bastard (the machine operator's Burn name) or the machine. I only do real orgasms, and I knew I wasn't gonna get off with the guy there watching and waiting to put the next woman on. But, it was fun, and I wish I had that banana seat in my home. RIGHT NOW.

I stumbled back to camp, fell asleep on my air mattress in my soccer mom mini-van despite the music thump-thump-thumping ALL NIGHT LONG.

Tomorrow...Burning the Man.

Now, my question for you...

When have you faked your response? Sexual or otherwise?

© 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
9/5/2006 2:47 am

i have often faked having confidence about something that scares the shit out of me...

[blog freelove999]

bipolybabe replies on 9/5/2006 8:06 am:
Hmmmm....that's interesting. There are lots of people who uphold the "Fake it 'til you make it" philosophy, because for the most part, we are inventing our lives as we go along. None of us really knows from the outset how to make it.


AstirRelicLatah 64M
1993 posts
9/5/2006 3:12 am

The only two people I knew who went to Burning Man this year from Vermont are both in their 50's...so, enough with the too old junk.

bipolybabe replies on 9/5/2006 7:58 am:
Most the people I know who went are also older than I! I looked all over the Burning Man website for statistics, as I know they collect a census, but I couldn't find data that proves the theory that you're never to old to suffer for art. But, I may get too crotchety to be willing to put up with the discomfort!


LTsGirl915 34F

9/5/2006 8:22 am

I've faked it when I didn't know any better, didn't realize I was doing both myself and my partner a disservice.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:20 pm:
As I told saint, I faked it the last time at 25 to get his deed done and get the heck out of there. My friend who had already given up on him pointed out that faking only reinforced bad habits.

Never again,


wickedeasy 66F  
25377 posts
9/5/2006 9:19 am

i fake caring what people are saying at the mayor's council - grins
but then they fake caring in any form so i feel justified.

faking an orgasm - what's the point??

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:16 pm:
I admit sometimes I fake interest in the annual discussion of a new location for my kids' school. I mean, it's been there for 17 years, and the school district's not putting up a bond for a new spot. How much indignation can I summon?


MarcoPolo197676 39M
541 posts
9/5/2006 10:57 am

Maybe not faked, as much as not totally truthful about the intimacy of the moment, partially I wasnt in the mood, partially she was kind of turning me off. But I would of hurt her feelings, and not doing that is more important than one small moment.
As far as age having anything to with experiencing life, fuck them. Its sad, they want to look down on you because your actually living your life, while they are stuck in their ruts. Pitty their cowardess, life is short.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:14 pm:
Okay, you get special dispensation for a one-time thing, but not if you faked it on an ongoing basis with a woman.

Not acceptable!

Men are often afraid to tell women the truth, which leads to much greater heartbreak. This one I know.


gooodloven2 63M
366 posts
9/5/2006 11:19 am

Babe i am happy you had a great time at the man.In the distent past you took a shovel and went out of camp to find your spot to poo/piss it made for some nasty words ringing out late at night.I have never faked anything in bed or out why waste the time to tell a lie,and my partners in bed are never faking it if there not happy i ask them to tell me how to please them,a happy playmate is a repeat playmate.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:13 pm:
Good for you for not fakin' it!

Lend me your shovel next year, huh? It was a little too antiseptic. You know that now they actually catch the dishwater on plastic and get it to evaporate, rather than letting it go into the ground?


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
9/5/2006 1:01 pm

When I was in my twenties I did that alot.

I wont fake it anymore.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:11 pm:
Yeah, I faked it the last time at 25 to get his deed done and get the heck out of there. My friend who had already given up on him pointed out that faking only reinforced bad habits.

Never again,


Though I doubt the Orgasma-Tron would have decided that what it was doing was just fine

spacecadet561 59M

9/5/2006 3:39 pm

The real answer would be telling.

I'm glad you had fun, despite the astral-star accommodations. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Blistering heat, blowing dust...sounds like home here in Kansas.


bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:09 pm:
There's nowhere like home...here in Kansas.

The heat and dust might be the only similarities, though, since I think you have many fewer freaks, nuts and performance artists,

And no BiPolyBabes that I know of


meerkittykat 42F

9/5/2006 5:20 pm

It's fucking hot. And dry. And the wind blows alkaline dust off the ancient lake bed. Just our being there stirs it up. I’ll be picking dry dust boogers for weeks.

You totally lost me there.

I suffer for nuffin. Give me a seaside cottage in Myrtle Beach 100 feet from a golf course anytime.

Ummmm...yeah, I've faked it before. Lots of things. Yes, faked IT cos I was concerned that an insecure partner would shatter, but I also fake liking people for the sake of professional goals at times. Thankfully neither of those things happen often anymore.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:07 pm:
Yeah, the uncomfortable accomodations--and no shower-- are why I only survived two days.

Let's go somewhere cool with high thread count cotton sheets now, 'kay?


ProtonicMan 47M

9/5/2006 5:24 pm

I faked it a couple times for my ex-wife. Now I just say, "Sorry, it's not gonna happen for me tonight" before I pull out and collapse from exhaustion on the bed or floor.


bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:05 pm:
That's a good thing, to save it for the next time


FrankPicasso 52M

9/5/2006 5:45 pm

I used to be quite good at the classic head-fake, but I was much younger and more diverse. Now, I sort of go with the flow.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:05 pm:
What's a head-fake?


JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
9/5/2006 8:06 pm

Me fake it??? Ummm no... that's hard for a guy to do.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:04 pm:
You never fake ANYTHING?


Firsttime36 53F

9/6/2006 6:55 am

this isnt an answer to your blog question - but it is a question about something you wrote....and i love reading your blog!

what is 44 year old behavior? could some PLEASEtell me cos i get that shit all the freaking time!


bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:04 pm:
44 year old behavior is whatever you say it freaking is!


CombeImidoSpoof 62M
229 posts
9/7/2006 1:18 pm

If you are looking to purshase one of these wonderful Orgasma-Tron's, let me know and I will put you in touch with the company.

rneihold at y a h o o dot cum and I will be happy to make your wonderful day for you.

bipolybabe replies on 9/7/2006 5:03 pm:
Thank you so much for your generous offer, but the truth is, I want to replace my Hitachi Magic Wand with a new human sex toy. The Wand produces results in 60 seconds or less (unless I choose to drag it out).

A banana seat on the Orgama-Tron will never take the place of skin on skin.

I like skin. I love men, the heat, the slipperiness, the smells and the sweat of sex.


FitAndFun321 54M
6024 posts
10/12/2006 7:22 pm

You went to Burning Man???

No fair!

I've been dying to go since it started. My little brother's wife had a kid that weekend, I'm her godfather, so now I always have built-in plans that weekend.

Maybe I'll make it one of these years...

bipolybabe replies on 10/13/2006 12:22 pm:
Life is not fair, my friend.

I intend to go back next year and make my own event, no less!


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