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Managing Erectile Dysfunction
Managing Erectile Dysfunction
Recently, a friend asked me what could help their ability to connect, especially in sexual intercourse, if her much-loved partner has ongoing health issues that spell erectile dysfunction. So, I went to my friend, the Queen of All Sex, and posed the question. I also checked out the book, “The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability.” Here’s a checklist for addressing erectile dysfunction. More details below if you’re interested.
1) Can he take Viagra? Duh. If he can, without other health risks, do it!
2) Have you explored “outercourse”?
3) Have you investigated penis pumping?
4) Do you know about male and female genital massage? Contrary to popular belief, the best way to get a guy hard or satisfied is NOT by giving him oral sex. It’s genital massage. See the videos “Fire on the Mountain” and “Fire in the Valley” at the EroticMassage website. It may work to have him eat YOU while you pull his cock to get a better erection. Or to have you slide your pussy on his cock with lots of lube (this is outercourse).
5) Is your partner aware of his conscious and unconscious triggers?
6) Does your partner know which strokes make him hardest?
7) Are you aware of Circadian rhythms?
For intercourse, positions that offer the most contact, like yabyum (see below), stuffing with the woman in a “V” and the basic missionary or doggie style, which involve the man being the most active, are best to help him sustain an erection.
Okay, for those who want more details, here goes:
Outercourse: Outercourse is any way you rub your genitals together without penetration. It’s fun, and I find that a cock, doesn’t have to be hard, against my clit is superb.
Penis pumping: This comes from an AdultFriendFinder friend who is a “switch.” He can top and bottom. He’s also married (so not my lover), really smart and a good guy and willing to provide pain and pleasure to women in the SB area. (So write me if you wanna play with rubber7, and I’ll connect you.) He provided this info a while back about how to deal with “Shane,” my “Bic Dick” guy:
“Penis pumping does seem to make the penis a lot thicker in the short term, but I have not seen any improvement in length. Mind you, I did not buy it to increase my penis size, I got it to feel the sensations of “forcing” my penis to have an erection and maintain the erection. Believe me, when the thing is pumped out, the penis cannot fall limp! With Shane’s 30 year old body and recuperative powers, maybe there is hope for some improvement. Also, get him on Viagra, or preferably Cialis, so that you can attack the problem from a chemical standpoint. The male body seems to store up the drug so that its effect gets better with long term use. I like Cialis because it does not make my nose stuffy and its effects last a lot longer. Having Shane beat off every day will have the opposite effect than what you seek. I used to do that, and sometimes twice a day, and the orgasms get less intense and not as wet. It is better to store up all that spunk and have him shoot it into you when you meet.”
Unconscious triggers--Have your partner think through what things make him hard and which ones make him soft. Then, do the ones that make him hard. For example, the Queen’s partner LOVES having his back scratched, but it makes him soft. So, he knows to tell her NOT to scratch his back during intercourse if she wants to keep fucking. A lot of guys seem to get hard again if you twist their nipples or tug on their balls a bit. Just the edge of pain, you understand.
About strokes: Most guys can sense, if they’re getting soft from slow, sensuous strokes, that it’s time to up the tempo to fast, deep, driving strokes. Contrariwise, if they’re getting too near orgasm and want to slow down, then do the 9 short (at the entrance of the yoni) and one deep. Or, slow way, waaaaaay, waaaaay down. Women love this. Drives them absolutely fuckin nuts.
Circadian rhythms: Most men are hard around 3 or 4 a.m. (That’s funny. I wake ready to fuck at that hour, too!) So, if you wanna get it on, have him wake you and fuck at that hour.
Yabyum: This is a Tantric sex position in which the guy sits on a hard meditation pillow, a “zafu,” or a rolled up towel, in the lotus position with knees crossed down toward the floor. The woman looks into his eyes and then clambers (gracefully) aboard his erect penis or just his lap with no erection, with her body pressed against his and her legs twined around his back. This is great for feeling connected even if you can’t effect penetration. You line up your energy chakras, look into one another’s eyes, rock together and speak your love for one another. If it’s connection you desire, yabyum is it!
“Stuffing”: The woman puts her legs up around her ears and the guy stuffs his semi-erect cock inside and begins pumping vigorously in order to achieve a better erection. Works pretty well if he can get hard!
Buena suerte, amiga mia! Tell me how it goes.
(c) 2006 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe
Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!
3/31/2006 4:27 pm
I don't know how to spell it but I are one.|
Naked Coffee Drinkers Club
3/31/2006 4:53 pm
Stuffing?? Got a laugh out of that one! Babe, you're a babe and will keep this info handy! -B|
3/31/2006 9:23 pm
Get a good physical before doing any of the above, especially the Viagra. Stuffing. Hmmm. All that sounds fun anyway.|
9/23/2006 9:35 am
Stuffing it, Mmmmmm.|
Peace and Love,
Peace and Love,
11/1/2006 8:11 am
HELP!!!!! I have a different sort of issue with my man....|
He does seems to have some ED problem but not so sure thats all it is.
He almost seems A-sexual to me. He rarely even gets exicted...we've had sex once in two months....5 times in 8 months.
HE's not seeing anyone else,he says he has never been abused when a kid...
He has had his heart broken badly a few times and I wonder if its alot of that in the back of his mind....giving himself again.
GET THIS! Last night for Halloween I did something that he has never had a woman do for him...(I hadnt done it either for any man).
I dressed up as a black cat....black boots, tights, very short tight skirt,black tight top, black long leather gloves.
Underneath was a few layers of pretty black "items"
I got a very long black wig , jewelry etc, makeup like a cat.
Had only candles, some interesting soft music with almost a jungle sound. I told him to lay back on the couch and wait.
I crawled out of the bathroom on all fours and said "meow"
I told him that it was his decision I tell him what to do or he tells me" He chose himself.
To say the least he was very surprised and enjopyed telling me what to do... I danced for him with a chair, he told me when to take off the next item...I kissed and touch him here and there.
He was enjoying it alot!!!. He did get somewhat excited.
Yet no fricken hard on!!! I told him I wanted him and he said he was way too tired, had been up at 4:30am....
I dont know about all of you men out there... but I honestly dont know any other man that can view a site like that and not want to devour a woman, even if he cant get a full erection!
To say the least I was very disappointed... and hurt. Altho' he did not see that in me.
What the hell is wrong here! Oh just to add this... He does tell me he loves me.. so thats not it....
Bipolybabe: Can you help me at all understand whats going on here?
He seems to have far too much reservation sexually.He can walk around nude,but sex?
2/17/2007 4:47 pm
Thanks--this is an issue for me---have been through the doctor bit and am actively working on my triggers, erogenous zones etc--with a help from a very open minded lady friend. Thank you for this blog. As I learn I will contribute.|
The Mad Scientist
2/20/2007 3:53 pm
I had a full prostatectomy 3 years and 9 months ago, resulting in incontinence and impotence (I have full VA coverage for all of this, as I have to live on a small pension.) Because I was ashamed of the incontinence, I broke off with my favorite partner and became celibate. Just seven weeks ago I finally got an artificial urinary spincter, and am now leak free. Unfortunately, because I was impotent and could not get hard with even Viagra and aprostadil injections (yeah, right into my dick,) I gave up.|
Now that I don't leak, I am trying to get hard. I can get 3/4 of the way there, but need a partner to try get all the way there. I have been out of touch for so long I no longer have any woman friends. Do you know anyone who may want to help me out?
2/9/2008 6:03 am
If you are interested, I have a book on all natural alternatives to Viagra that are supposed to help erectile dysfunction. Unless you already know the information.|
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