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Keys to Increasing Orgasmic Energy
Keys to Increasing Orgasmic Energy
Remember how when you were first learning to drive, you needed to remind yourself "Put on the turn signal in advance of turning"? Well, this lesson offers a checklist to make sure you're getting the most out of every sexual encounter whether you practice Tantra or not. Once you begin using these practices, it becomes more natural and you may experience greater pleasure, even an extended ecstatic state.
These Keys for Increasing Sexual Pleasure or Sexual Energy, called Kundalini by Tantrics, work for both men and women.
(NOTE: For more on Tantra, see What is Tantra? What's a Tantra-Slut?,Tantra-Slut Reveals All , Tantra-Slut Lesson #1: Starting in "Yabyum" , Tantra-Slut Lesson #2: Sound Builds Sexual Energy , Tantra-Slut Lesson #3: G-spot Massage , Tantra-Slut Lesson #4: The Value of Ritual, Tantra-Slut Lesson #5: Anal Play, Tantra-Slut Lesson #6 : Oral Sex for Him aka Fellatio, Tantra-Slut Lesson #6 : Oral Sex for Her aka Cunnilingus.)
Two different kinds: harmonizing or charging. Harmonizing breath is when you breath together to get your chakras (energy points) synched up. Charging is when you want to raise the energy, so you breathe alternately. Tantrics do this throughout sex, which is difficult to do when our tendency is to get excited and start panting, hyperventilating, etc. If you've got a partner, practice when you're not having sex so you can get good at it and be able to continue when you're having sex. Finally, there's also Fire Breath (which has nothing to do with having eaten chilis), and it's a way to generate a huge amount of sexual energy "down there." Masters of Tantra can give themselves an orgasm through breathing alone. Women can extend their clitoral orgasms by breathing and making sounds (below).
My first 20 years, I was totally mute while having sex because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. Now, I purr A LOT. It's fun. It increases my energy, encourages my partner and can help to direct him when I purr faster and louder. Men need to purr, too, for the same reason. Practice by purring while you pleasure yourself. Another way that sound will increase sexual pleasure is if, when a woman feels a clitoral orgasm coming on, she takes in a deep breath through her nose and then exhales with a sound similar to the one Meg Ryan faked in "When Harry Met Sally." If you feel goofy and like laughing, go up higher but keep making sounds. When you start to run out of air, take another breath in and keep making sound. Women have been able to extend their orgasms from the typical 20 seconds to infinity with practice. An infinite orgasm, yeah, I'm taking this one on. Chanting and toning are other ways to move energy through sound.
Let your hips rock & roll to free up your sexual energy. Since I love to dance, I've got the hip circle thing down and can do that as part of the horizontal boogie. Another way that Tantra is different than our Western approach to sexual acrobatics is that sometimes you slow down and move hardly at all. Try this some time after really energetic fucking, slow way down and move hardly at all except for your PC muscles (#7).
This is not fantasizing about sex. Fantasies are great for warming up the energy beforehand, and there's nothing wrong with role playing. However, to connect on a deeper level with a partner, the idea is to get the heck out of your head and stay present in your body and tuned in to your partner. So, the idea is to visualize a connection between you and your partner. I imagine it as a band of light that circles around from my heart to his and back again or a circuit which goes up your spine, out the top or crown of your head and in through the top or crown of your lovers head, down his or her spine through the genitals and back into you.
Energy relates back to visualization above. Energy, which is a very real thing in that we must eat food to provide energy to fuel our bodies, is the "woo woo" part of Tantra. It's a sort of leap of faith. Try moving energy and see what happens. You might visualize or sense an energetic connection and move the energy upward through your body, usually up the spine to the top of the head and back down again through the front side to the genitals. One of my most extraordinary experiences occurred when I opened my body to receive and "felt" the energy of love pouring out of my lover's penis and into my body. This is where sound is important, to create the vibration to help you move the energy.
Using plenty of lubrication has increased my enjoyment of sex 100-fold, because if you are stimulating the G-spot enough to create full arousal or "engorgement" of the yoni (vulva or pussy) , extra lubrication will be necessary. Don't wait for dryness or irritation. Use lube as a rule, rather than as an occasional thing. If it's not dripping off the ceiling, you're not using too much. Using lube becomes more and more important as women age. I recommend a silicone lube that is not absorbed by the body like Body Action Extreme Glide or Pjur Eros. If you don't use lube because you enjoy friction, see the next item.
7. PC Muscles
Stronger pubococcyx muscles (PC muscles) for both men and women will make sex better because women can use their PC muscles to grip the penis, and men can use their PC muscles to tap the G-spot. Learn to work out your PC muscles by stopping the flow of pee. Then, do this same exercise every time you think about sex. Or every time you are waiting for something at a stoplight, in the grocery store line, at the post office. No one will be aware of it unless you make funny faces. You may find you start to think about sex more often! I find it arousing to squeeze my PC muscles.
Relaxation runs in contrast to our cultural view that sex is all about excitement, tension and the edge of fear. As a woman, sex is much, much, much better for me when I can relax and enjoy myself rather than be hyped up with sexual tension. A full-body massage helps me to relax and enjoy. See G-spot? What? Where? for more about how to gently massage the exterior of a woman's yoni to wake it up slowly. I also try to reduce the level of tension by agreeing with my partner beforehand that we are both off the hook for performance. No concern about erections, orgasms or goals. We are committed only to pleasure in the moment. Making sure birth control and safe sex are handled will also increase a woman's ability to relax and enjoy.
You surrender to one another, surrender to the moment and give yourselves over fully to pleasure. This is where trust and a bond between lovers is essential. Paradoxically, surrender can build a stronger bond of trust.
In every human relationship --no matter how wonderful the individuals-- there are upsets and disappointments. Sometimes it is impossible to resolve conflicts with a loved one through words. I recommend an explicit (spoken) commitment to connection even, or especially, when you don't feel like it. That's where learning some Tantric rituals as an offering of love can be useful: Male Lingam Massage, Female Sacred Spot Massage and Male "Sacred Spot," aka "P-Spot," aka Prostate Massage. Even a simple massage can help to bridge the gap when words don't work. Physical connection helps to open up the warm loving feelings of the heart again. To get there requires that the couple make a commitment to connection and agree not to withdraw physically when there is an upset. For one example of that experience, see Connecting...even when you don't feel like it.
(c) 2006-2008 AskAphrodite aka BiPolyBabe
Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!
5/8/2006 9:32 am
good info...wishing I had working sound w/ PC. Might watch some of broadcast, but won't be able to hear anything. Glad there's finally a "class" for men that will help. Cudos to you darlin for educating people. The more we know, the better our sex lives will be.|
7/21/2008 3:01 pm
Great post! Informative and fun to do. Wish more would practice this as it really heightens pleasure given and received.|
Thanks for sharing.