Is Pain Necessary for Pleasure?  

bipolybabe 54F
10715 posts
8/10/2006 3:25 am

Last Read:
8/10/2006 8:10 pm

Is Pain Necessary for Pleasure?

I wrote Why Women Develop Strategies Around Sex to explore the way my mind works in trying to avoid emotional pain. I am a huge pain avoider. I run from even the possibility of pain. But, I wonder if pain is necessary to have access to genuine pleasure and joy.

What do you think?

Is pain necessary for pleasure?

(c) 2006 AskAprodite aka BiPolyBabe


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

PlaynAgain 54F

8/10/2006 3:45 am

I believe it is. Without pain to contrast it with you can't appreciate the pleasure - you just take it for granted. Life is two-sided.

"Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Hydragenias 56F

8/10/2006 4:05 am

Life (as well as sex) is kind of like a tapestry. You need both the dark colors along with the bright to make the whole picture. Without sorrow, how would you know joy? Without joy, how would you know sorrow?

earthShiva 59M

8/10/2006 4:34 am

Pain is always always ALWAYS a messenger. That is ALL that pain is! Whether it is our bodies or our hearts that experience a particular pain, we should receive that message and work with it.

To attempt to engage in intimacy and not be open to pain is comparable to dosing our hands with lidocaine and playing with sharp knives while blindfolded. Technically feasible, but very ill-advised.

While pain, like pleasure, is inevitable, it is also transitory. One should be careful to make a distinction between pain and suffering. Suffering is a result of our resistance to pain's messages, lasts much longer, and is, for the most part, unnecessary.

Rideandfun1000 59M

8/10/2006 5:56 am

Nope - I don't believe it is required.

But, I do think that risking pain is.

No one ever achieves a "Woooooooohooooooooo - what a ride!" by playing it safe...

Ride (no pun intended)

wickedeasy 66F  
25338 posts
8/10/2006 7:06 am

i would ask one thing before i just spout off - do you mean suffering in the existential sense or physical pain?

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

bipolybabe replies on 8/10/2006 7:52 am:
I'm talking about existential, but I'd be happy to hear you spout on either


expatbrit49 62M

8/10/2006 8:18 am

It isnt but it does seem to be a biproduct dosent it

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LookandWink 63M

8/10/2006 8:27 am

I suppose that humans need to understand what losing something feels like in order to appreciate what it really means to us to have it in our life. It really doesn't matter whether you're talking about money, freedom, or sex. You can't fully appreciate what it is to be without it unless you've had the opportunity to fully experience it at least once.

The phrase in from the old song has many meanings.

You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone.

gooodloven2 63M
366 posts
8/10/2006 10:38 am

no one can hurt you like some one you's the risk you take when you open your hart.being willing to be hurt maybe what love is about since it also is being able to have pleasure.


8/10/2006 11:51 am

being an avoider that is trying to quit avoiding pain...I find it certainly seems to open all senses and feelings so yes

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

Theflinkychick 105F

8/10/2006 12:39 pm

The kind of pain you are talking about is a part of life. I don't think you can avoid it, even by running. You can't out run the night and you can't avoid pain. earthShiva is right, pain is the messenger and even though I didn't want to stop and feel the pain, I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't stopped running from it long enough to listen to what it was telling me.

Not all who wander are lost.

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
8/10/2006 1:38 pm

for some, i think its the only way they can appreciate pleasure. like a cosmic reality check.

it also works quite nicely as an agent of change. sometimes the only thing that moves us from a bad place is when the pain of standing still exceeds the fear of the unknown.

Greekgirl4u06 39F

8/10/2006 1:53 pm

going through the pain of childbirth to have the pleasure of your own child is about the only good pain i could think of....other than that i dont think its necessary to have pain for pleasure, unless you like being hurt during sex....

Panthiest 72M

8/10/2006 3:34 pm

I'm wondering about this too.
There is physical & psychological pain and not being a Psychological Neurologist, I'm lacking info here. But I do know from classes I've taken in this subject, that this is new territory that research is just getting into. Neurons transmit signals from our nerve endings using differnt amounts of different chemicals that produce different signals to our brain. If you are changing a diaper on a baby and stick the baby with the pin, the baby isn't going to become ecstatic. The neurons are going to transmit chemical messages up to the brain that make the baby feel pain and scream which you feel as psychological pain and an adjustment is made so you don't do it again.
Now perhaps if pain is applied along with a sexual pleasure the signals might get crossed. I've only met one woman face to face who was truly into pain. We met on the net - and I had an anthropologist's curiosity as to what it was all about. She told me of her life. She was at age 11 by an uncle. Her parents knew it and didn't do anything so it happened frequently and she learned not to resist. She also was seduced by the people she baby sat for at age 11. She made it sound like the seduction was pleasurable but the was painful. I'm thinking that since these were her first sexual experiences perhaps her "wires" just developiong to sexual pleasure got crossed with pain.
Her apartment impressed me. It was antiseptic and she had this dreary droning music that sounded like an updated version of inquistitors chanting, moaning in the background. I got the distinct impression, that even though this was our first meeting, she wanted me to inflict pain on her but I didn't have desire much less any idea how to go about it. For me to want to inflict pain I have to be angry, frustrated and then I wouldn't do it unless pushed to the edge. And my experiencing pain from another person has been when they have been angry, frustrated etc. which in turn causes me psycologial pain from feeling such negativity (hate) expressed directly at me. (The opposite of "love" that gives us deeper meaning in our lives beyond career, status, possibly beyond ego)
I have since learned that I can spank a woman who gets a sexual thrill from it. But I'm not angry or frustrated or feel especially sexual. It's almost a clinical experience. They say torturers feel the same way when they inflict pain. Some say there is a bond between the torturer and the tortured. But if there is it's a one way street. the energy is all going from one to the other. For me, making love is when the energy goes back and forth creating more energy. But when I spanked her, she was getting hotter and hotter as she recieved the energy where as I was receiving nothing except a little psychological energy from knowing she was enjoyng what I was giving her.
Like I said, the neurolgical system is a whole new frontier in biology. I believe somehow,our physical body is constantly interacting/trading singnals with our environment and/or our"spiritual" or "non-physical" body in ways we are just discovering.
It's an interesting topic - thanks for proving a place to think this over. Looking forward to reading other's thoughts.

rm_dosrev 38M
2091 posts
8/10/2006 4:32 pm

Could you have black without white? Night without day? I dont know, I like philosophy for the simple fact that you can't answer such questions.

Or can you?

"Enough of this palaver, lets get the show on the road!"
"The best thing about a day like that is that it can't get any worse. It was a bad day AND a Monday. The rest of the week has to be better." - Hotandsteamygirl

Balibabe19 41F

8/10/2006 4:45 pm

Pain is not necessary to experience pleasure but it can assist in determining how far is too far.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/10/2006 8:03 pm

I will agree with those who have referenced pain as a natural part of life. However to answer what you're wondering...I'm with EarthShiva. Pain is a signal saying that something is out of whack. (We're talking about the interior kind, huh? And the kind that has to do with another person, huh?)

Ok then...

Oh hell, I don't know. LOL

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

bipolybabe replies on 8/10/2006 8:13 pm:
But, you don't LOL.

Look, 1hot, I really appreciate your comments telling me to get out of my head. It's true that most of my problems I create in my own damn fertile brain.

It's a fun place to play and also a terrible place to reside. I prefer to live with--and love--real people.

I know a lot about sex, but I admit I'm as confused as the next bipolybabe about how to create a genuine relationship based on love, honesty and freedom. That's what I want, and I'm trying to figure out how to get there. I appreciate your coming along for the ride, offering support and ideas.


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