NEW RULES FOR 2006  

LabioBent 104M
1273 posts
2/13/2006 3:13 pm

Last Read:
6/4/2007 5:35 pm

NEW RULES FOR 2006


New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids; lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man , they're pictures of other men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket. Water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is now introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual; you're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two of them at once.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

pickthisguy11 36M
79 posts
2/13/2006 3:39 pm

New Rule: No more posting the writings of others as if they were your own.


crazygurl2xx 56F

2/13/2006 3:42 pm

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids; lucky bastards.
hehehe

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual; you're just high.
ROFLMFAO!
I am gonna have that tatooed on my ass!


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
2/13/2006 3:47 pm

I think its possible that maybe I just might love you...........sigh.


LabioBent 104M
2082 posts
2/13/2006 4:57 pm

Pick- then tell your buddies to stop sending copyrighted material via California,

Saint- please call in the morning and I'll give you my toll free number,

And Crazygurl- are you a teacher? I need to be tudored in copyright law!

HAGE all


mm0206 68F
7767 posts
2/13/2006 9:15 pm

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh"

thanks ....m.


LabioBent 104M
2082 posts
2/14/2006 7:04 am

Thanks..m

And Thank you Luscious.......I have many fond memories of Philly!
Perhaps I should reminisce about my last trip!!

But I'll be looking for a picture taken at Bookbinders!

HAGD

BenHen


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