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This was written by an AFFer I met a couple years ago whom I totally failed to connect with. It seemed we kept misunderstanding each other's intentions and yet both of us I believe were really of the same mind, just a different time and dimension. Anyway, I always liked it, and I hope she doesn't mind if I post it here. Enjoy.
You envision a portrait of me with your mind’s eye.
You’ve said I am large, tall, brave, and wondrous.
You’ve painted the landscape of my virtue,
forested green and lush with sincerity,
stroked a brush of passionate red,
and a splash of yellow-gold warmth.
Praising the texture of my character,
you reflect upon the contour of my soul.
Acclaiming from the highest peak,
the glory and triumph of such a creature,
and cry out that I am beautiful!
You pause to wonder the making of me
the artistry that molded such perfection.
And I drink, no…
…gulp, greedily from the cup of your attention.
I bask in the heat of your honor and
revel in the wickedness of your adoration.
Love has shot his arrow straightway to your core
and left you a distorted vision, a drunkard’s eye;
askew and partial, but ne'er steady.
As we dance this calypso of foolish and jubilant lovers,
and celebrate the ecstatic fervor of our joy,
know that as I am strong, I am weak.
As I am brave, also do I cower.
As I am warm, there too is a bitter cold.
And as there is beauty, so too am I beast.
Beaten by the elements of stormy years,
worn smooth by a harsh and constant tide,
I was hung flapping in the wind
by the hands that did make me.
So, take your love-framed portrait, my dearest,
and scribble a few dark, angry lines across my face.
Etch a smattering of scars along my body,
and score a deep crevasse upon my heart.
And, therein, lies the whole truth.
The genuine portrait, the whole of my being.
Am I not now even more beautiful?
10/5/2005 11:11 am
She must have been amazing. I am sure if the two of you cross paths again, you will find that there is much to say to one another.
10/6/2005 12:51 am
She was the first woman I had met in Arizona and I suppose our brief relationship was one of the those Mars-Venus pairings. There was mutual attraction and we had a lot in common, but we couldn't really communicate. She was intellectual and free-spirited, as I am, but troubled by her past relationships and wounded so that we were never able to define the parameters of the relationship (a casual affair, a friendship, or something more serious). The very things that drew her to me also made her push me away, so when I tried to be a friend, that was more threatening to her than if I had simply used her and had sex with her and left. I was left in a state of confusion that I suppose she interpreted as a weakness and we eventually lost touch.|
Yet despite all that, I still think about her often. I wonder if she's found what she was looking for and hope she's happy. We never had sex, but she left an imprint on me that I'll never forget.