|Blogs > bedlemprime > bedlemprime|
What the hell am I doing here
What the hell am I doing here
Once again looking back at my mispent youth and all the wonderful insanity I got away with back in the day,I was reminded of a great summer when I was digging odds and ends out of mom's house.Having to deal with a senior citizen and two teenagers really cuts into one's personal time.But, I was pulling boxes out from storage and found photos from my college graduation party.
It was one of those times when I wonder how in the hell I survived.The photo at the house is off about a dozen 20 somethings, all dressed in grown up clothes that none of them wore with any real conviction. Suits,jackets, three peice lawyer costumes and the like.And the women were all in rather demure dresses, god knows why.
After the requisite attendence at the parent's, we all went to the local club, where we proceeded to have just too much fun. It takes some doing to get tossed from some clubs in Casper, but getting thrown out of the Moonlight and The Wonderbar in a single night is truly an accomplishment.It was either the fire breathing act I was doing with 151 rum, or the"dirty dancing" that the girls were doing with each other "just to get our attention."Anyway, by midnight we were finding ourselves at Fred's house up on Navarre street. It was a nice place, except the back yard had an incredible slope to it, more of a drop off, and we had a horse shoe pit along the back fence.
By this time, there were about four men and 6 women left to the party and the women were up to something.So,the guys, well fortified with strong waters and barley pop,(and other intoxicants of less legal nature),went out to toss horse shoes,by sonar.You see,the back porch light did not reach down into the pit area, so we were tossing horse shoes by having some one hit the post with a stick and then throwing for the clang. Surprisingly,we were actually doing quite well. Only one real injury, when a clanger did not get out of the way quite quick enough and got a ringer around his left ankle.
Needless to say, the girlfriends were less then amused.They had other plans that did not include tossing chunks of steel in the dark.
Over the course of about an hour or so, various of the women, in various states of dress, came down to the pit to entice us men into the house. For some long forgotten reason, we had all decided to be assholes about it and postponed going into the house, until we needed more beer. I ran up the slope and into the kitchen for another case, tossing horseshoes is thirsty work in late may, and poked my head into the living room to see what the women had gotten up to.
The 6 women were watching a porn,had all stripped down,and gotten out a collection of vibraters and dildos that I had no idea Fred's girlfriend owned.Surprised me enough, I almost dropped the beer. Almost.
So, out the house I run, practicly incoherent. It took a bit to get out that every woman in the place was totally starkers and going tofu (meat substitute)to a Johnny Wadd Holmes video. And every single man in the pit called me a baldfaced liar.
So, after the odd beer or three as we discussed whether or not our women would actually do something of that nature, the four of us trooped up the slope, around the house and peeked in the windows. Sure as hell,the tv is on, the women are naked, and both fucking doors are locked. They had been waiting for someone to come in before locking us out in the early spring chill. And leaving just enough gap in the curtains for us to stand/kneel like a totem pole and watch what we could have had.
So,stacked up like see no evil,hear no evil, speak no evil,have no fun, we watched as six lovely young ladies dimmed the lights, got down on the carpet and proceeded to have a pussy wallow worthy of several Academy Awards. The whipped cream came out,various flavored love jellies and massage oils, and all of it going on less then ten feet away.On the wrong side of plate glass. And regardless how much we tapped on the glass, they were not going to let us in the house.
Luckily, I was the second tallest, so I was second from the top of the pyramid.Brother Miles managed to drop a hand rolled cigerette substitute into my ponytail,which went unnoticed until it burned into my neck.Without shifting my attention, I pulled it off my singed hide and finished it in a single huge hit.Fred,being the shortest, was at the bottom of the totem pole and managed to get baptized by beer and other less savory items that dripped from our gaping mouths.Needless to say,he was a reeking wreck.
Especially when his girlfriend, Tonya,(a very well endowed nurse with knockers a man could hang his hat on, if his hat size was impossibly formidable),my girlfriend Sherri(a long lean brunette with no body hair and incredibly long legs), and the sweet little stripper Thea,(a very petite latina that weighed about 99 pounds and half of that was breasts and come fuck me boots) got positioned for a most amusing little round robin event.Fred almost went through the window.
By this time we were trying to figure how to get in the house, without keys and without breaking a window. I remembered that all the windows were of the wooden sash type, Except for the bathroom window, which was a metal frame type and I had tools in my truck.You never saw four men run so fast out to the street and start tearing through a tool box in your life.
Armed with a selection of various types of screwdrivers,we trooped around the house to the bathroom window, which was a metal frame held in place with about 12 screws.And, just out of reach of any one standing on the ground. Miles could just reach the lowest two, barely.They were out in a second, in the dark.
Fred dropped to all fours as a work scaffold, and Eric, the lightest went up on his back and started pulling phillips head screws by braille.Miles and I held the window and the parts went flying.
Now, if you were one of the evil women in this tale, what would you have done to make our lives just a bit more difficult? You got it, the shower was turned on, full blast, COLD.And the four of us are wearing suits, or at least the slacks and vests to suits.Dry clean only.
Well, it didn't take long to shuck out of the clothes down to our skivvies and making a human platform to get into the window.Just as Miles is going in the window, we get spotlighted by Casper's finest. The next door neighbors had called the cops on us.Breaking and entering.
So, four men in their underwear are trying to get in a bathroom window, one guy is half in that window, trying to reach the damn tub faucet and turn off the shower head, and there are two cops with flash lights and guns drawn.I'll wait while you all have a good laugh at our expense.
I hope you all had a good laugh.Now that you have your breath back, how could it of gotten worse?Luckily, Fred had his wallet in his pants pocket, but explaining why WE weren't in our pants was ...difficult. We explained we were locked out and the shower was on. They understood that. But why were we all in our underwear? Why not send one guy through the window and let him get wet? We had no idea.It just seemed to make more sense the way we did it.I did mention the amount of alcohol and other goodies imbibed?
The ladies could have saved our asses, and did not. They could of fried our asses and did not.They did not answer the doorbell when the cops rang it, thinking it was us.(And we did not mention that they were in there).It was about the only thing that went right. That and the fact they didn't search our pockets.
So, the cops go away, We toss Eric through the window, he turns off the shower, we toss Fred and I toss Miles through and they pull me into the bathroom.
We are in the house,but due to the intervention of the police,we are less then inclined for intercourse.(okay, stop laughing) but we figure that we can remedy that in a few minutes with our ladies fair. We charge out of the bathroom, down the hall to the living room,where.....all six women are curled up around each other sound asleep.Passed out cold.
It is about 4am and there is no beer, no hard liquor and the only solace we four have is the meager remains of rightous herb sitting on the table, in the ashtray.And the living room smells like payday at Hormone Hall.And nothing we do is going to wake those 6 women up,they are totally and completely blotto.
Needless to say, there are better nights then others. But, the four of us sat in the rec room, and watched tv.When the ladies awoke in the morning,well,we were clean, sober, had made breakfast, and had set up various fantasy sites about the house for their enjoyment. In short,We were their slaves for the next 18 hours.And did they make us earn our reward. But,they also videotaped their little orgy of the night before, which was the standard to which we were expected to perform.
Let us just say that our performance exceeded expectations.Eventually.
okay, you can stop laughing now.