The adventures of of a New York(ish) guy  

beatcoder 45M
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3/29/2005 9:54 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The adventures of of a New York(ish) guy

ever have one of those months that flip on and off so fast, that weeks
strobe by in hours, and the only thing you can remember are the brief
images caught in that embarrassment of the moment?

and so it begins.... decided to keep a blog here, to track the adventures and misadventures, ramblings, and other minutia that tends to build up on the inside with an anonymous release that a blog affords a lone auteur... So let's start with just a getting to know this guy thing.....

33... about to shift into 34... with too many of those stutter stop relationships to count as I've gone through this life. I've lived by a personal philosophy of existentialism, not in the Sartre sense, more so in a self interpretation. The preface being life is absurd, existence before essence, and a general let serendipity rule your life kind of attitude... in the last 33 years I've been

- a punk .. .literally, combat boots and all
- a scholar.. but that never ends, there is too many things in the world to be curious about
- a whore... we were all young once, and frankly I ran after anything with 2 legs and a gap
- a lover... (post whore) it took a violent incident to wake me up to the destructive powers that sex can have.. spent years trying to make up for my youthful misgivings... I'll write about my philosophy on this later...
- a bum... spent 5 years roaming the streets of Chicago doing spoken word poetry, drinking cheap beer, working odd jobs, and generally chasing the idea of being an artist
- an executive.. transforming the internal operations of a company in the blink of an idea, applying Bayesian principles to dynamic intangible knowledge management system to enhance productivity and decrease production cost for a positive ROI within the first fiscal cycle... (grin)
- a musician... soundscape movements in a transcendental void with whispers of emotion
- a poet... (see bum) always on going.. aggressive wordsmith playing in the void of the inner scream
- a geek (see executive) who knew playing with computers as a kid could be so profitable....

all these roles and more... traveling in the worlds of the very poor, at an inner city shelter teaching homeless kids to read and write, to the very rich, at the Playboy Mansion hobnobbing with jazz musicians and foreign editors.... through all this, there has only been one thing that I have not been...

afraid...

this world is a huge place, that makes you feel small, alone, pressured... something that seems just too vast to traverse some days... but the secret I've found.. is the simple act of letting go... take a leap of faith... take a deep breathe at that moment, when your gut tightens... your teeth clench.. your wits say run... and just step forward... It's the simplest and the scariest thing you will ever do in life.... but with each plunge.. the dive gets easier..

so 4 months ago, I decided to take a leap... from Chicago to New York... put the condo on the market... quit your job... say good bye to old friends... and move forward.... so I'm here.. looking for a few cliffs to jump off of....

and I’ll put them all here (the names will be changed to protect the guilty… grin)


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