Depression setting in....  

bbwDDs4XXX 60F
71 posts
4/3/2006 2:44 pm

Last Read:
4/5/2006 3:48 pm

Depression setting in....

I was just reading a friend's blog....she has been battling her depression lately also. For those of you that have never suffered from depression, you are so lucky. You just cannot understand the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. She explains this "closing up on herself." I fully understand as I have done this in the past and I feel like this is going to happen to me. Unless you have been through this you just cannot imagine how it feels. I don't answer the phone, I don't answer the door, I don't call my friends and family. I stay off the computer.
I have realized that I am the only one that can make me happy and that happiness comes from within ourselves. I read in another friend's blog today that no one is responsible for our feelings. I don't believe this. People hurt us and when they do they are responsible for how we feel. It is up to ourselves to get over it and get on with life.
I hope I can pull myself out of this funk soon. There just has been too much going on this past year. My wedding and a separation after just 4 months, good friend dying of cancer at age 32 with a young child she and her husband had just adopted from Russia less than a year before, my own cancer scare, 2 major surgeries and some man that was very careless with my emotions.
I am hoping this blogging helps. I used to journal in high school but fell away from it. My past therapists have always suggested I journal. They always told me it was good therapy. I need to go wash my face, catch my breath and stop the tears.

But on a positive is baseball season and my Cubs are winning!!!!

rm_vikingshaman 67M

4/3/2006 5:19 pm

thanks for having guts to talk openly about the D word in public. I do the recovery thing, clean and sober almost twenty years now. But I found that as the other layers pealed away I had been depressed most of my life. I thought it was normal. I self medicated that and anxiety. It is a constant companion. I have to take care of myself and reaching out is part of that. Isolation is so famililiar for me also.
why on earth would you root for the Cubs?
thanks, peace, talk soon.

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
4/3/2006 6:35 pm

BBW I think a lot of us suffer from depression. It is hereditary in my family along with ADD and generalized anxiety disorder. My friend who is like a sis to me would come over whip the curtains open and then drag me out into the Sun. Then I would proceed to have an anxiety attack. Through the yrs and some help I have learned that depression can be anger turned inward. The lack of your receptors to pick enough serotonin, letting a situation having power over you and turning all your thoughts to how you are feeling. Some good ways to combat this is have several support friends that drag you off your butt, take you out in the sun and make you laugh your ass off. I do not even have curtains anymore LOL. My son hates this so I guess I should put some on the picture window at least. Take B complex vitamins especially if you smoke. Self talk is the biggest factor. program yourself to recognize the signs and start in with affirmations. Such as I feel blank happening. This has happened before but this time I am going to do blank instead of shutting off the world. The two best are exercise that release a hormone like heroin and taking your mind off yourself by doing for others or helping others. This leaves no time to dwell. Thanks for being so open! We all have our evils to fight. I do also believe that Satan hits your weakest points. As for people hurting you. It is true they can do some bad things. It is us to decide how we will react to them. Do not give your power away. Just put it down to humanness. Most people hurt when they are hurt. Maybe you need to dig a little deeper or clear the air or just give them the finger and go get busy. It takes awhile but it does sink in and help!

rm_vikingshaman 67M

4/4/2006 7:20 am

    Quoting bbwDDs4XXX:
    I have been a Cubs fan all my life. Like Packer fans in football Cubs fans are in baseball. The best and most dedicated to their teams. I am also a Packer fan. I have always loved baseball and spent many hours attending Cubs games as a youngster. I did not come to appreciate and understand football until I moved to WI at age 18. So I became a Packer fan.

    President GWBJr was at the Cubs/Reds game today and as he shook hands with the Cubs players in the locker room he said, "This is the year!" YES IT IS!!!!
ya, I was just teasing about being a Cubs fan. Before I moved to WI, I didn't follow baseball at all. I root for the home team all the way around, Brewers, Bucks, Packers. It's my way of lightening up because I can be so deep. And I send so much time alone.
I see depression as a disease much the same as alcoholism and drug addiction. They are not curable but they are treatable. I am recovering one day at a time but not cured.
what sort of surgery did you have?

rm_vikingshaman 67M

4/4/2006 3:37 pm

Healing is something I know a bit about myself. Let me know if I can help.

saddletrampsk 54F

4/5/2006 7:43 am

big hugs to you

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