It Was a Dark and Stormy Night part 2.  

bardicman 50M
7540 posts
12/5/2005 7:36 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night part 2.

He grabbed her and threw her against the wall and covered her mouth with his. Covered her mouth like the skid marks that cover Travs tighty whiteys. Her lips slightly parted to accept his eager tongue. Eager like a little fat boy in the slowest line at McDonalds. His tongue plowed into her mouth like the finger of proctologist doing his exam, deep and probing. She moaned as she felt the heat in her body rise. Rising to the temperature of a 5 alarm fire that even Tiller and her crew couldn't contain. She felt the hardness of his cock against her as he started to grind against her leg. Grinding like MC Hammer but he wasn't singing "Can't Touch This". She dropped to her knees as his hands nestled in her hair.

She unzipped his fly and his cock sprang out like Tigger on crack. Her tongue flicked out of her mouth as she gave the head of his cock a really good lick. She licked his cock like the owl licking the Tootsie Pop but she didn't bite to the center on the count of four. Slowly she took his length into her mouth. Slowly like not really that fast. The storm outside was raging but inside all was calm. All except for the bobbing motion of her head and the pelvic thrusts of him as he fucked her mouth. "Oh God and Baby Jesus", he moaned. "I am fixing to come like Solar's welfare check and it isn't even the first of the month". She took him all the way into her mouth and he unloaded his loaded load into her throat. She made gurgling noises like a stopped up floor drain but she swallowed his manly juices and wished for more.

He reached down and took her hand and pulled her up to his mouth. His spent cock pointed to the floor much like Methodman's must do about all the time. He kissed her deeply and with a deft movement of his hand, like the great magician David Copperfield, he removed her blouse with one quick yank. Buttons clacked off the walls and bounced along the floor in much the same way that [blog sj365]'s butt bounces when she walks. He said "oops" then "Fuck it" as he ripped her bra off. Her nipples were the same color of titty-pink Crayola Crayons. Well thats the color they would be if Crayola had a titty-pink colored crayon. He took her nipple into his mouth and noticed that her breast were as firm as really good Gouda and her nipples were harder than Chinese algebra. He felt her body tremble as the warmth of his mouth cuddled and caressed first one breast then the other. His head looked like he was watching a tennis match. First one side then the other.. back and forth, back and forth.

Slowly he lowered his body like a casket being lowered into the ground. His mouth kissing the flatness of her stomach and his tongue exploring the regions of her navel. Her nostrils flared like a pissed off bull as she inhaled sharply. The sudden intake of cold moist air made her cough and he couldn't help but wish his dick was inside her as her whole body contracted with the coughing. He reached in his coat pocket and offered her a lozenge but she politely refused. More gently he unbuttoned her button fly jeans. He slowly pulled her jeans down her thighs and noticed that her bubbly butt looked like two midgets wrestling under a blanket of sheer satin. He kissed her mound through her panties and he inhaled them. Not inhaled them like they suddenly ripped off her body and disappeared into his nose but more like just breathed in through his nose and enjoyed the scent of her. As he slowly removed her panties he remembered that his kid wanted a Chia Pet for Christmas.


I am not dead yet

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/5/2005 7:58 am

Um...why can't I get the image of Sj with a serious bubble butt out of my mind?

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

SibylBatchAxile 43M
384 posts
12/5/2005 8:10 am

Trav wears tighty whiteys?


Oh Hell, you have to stop this shit..(Okay, this is a completely blatant lie.)

My sides hurt from laughing too much...

Someone buy Trav some bleach for Christmas. Please.

rm_AmishAmy 100F
246 posts
12/5/2005 8:13 am

loved your use of midgets in this storyline bardi......i hear they have small hands....
and damn you for putting the chi chi chi chia song in my head right before i go to work.....grrr

methodman1000 40M
1775 posts
12/5/2005 9:34 am

gee bard u almost got me caught at work had to use my leg to off the UPS,did not know my eyes were moist from laughing......

bardicman 50M

12/5/2005 10:21 am

Daph - The same reason I can't

[blog dariuscole] Thanks.. Please send all donations to the "Bleach4Trav fund to Darius. I suspect we will need gallons and gallons of the stuff. Rumor has it his underwear look like hurricane Katrina went through em.

Amy - Chi Chi Chi Chia... Thats for when you get home

Method - I am glad you enjoyed it. The UPS man might wonder what the hell is up though.

I am not dead yet

Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

12/5/2005 11:48 am


Oh, yes, I'm feeling it. Please DO continue!

themisskrissy 56F
2302 posts
12/5/2005 12:43 pm

sick sick sick....
hey bard, you remember the jingle for the big mac?
two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bud?

where's the beef?

Virtue Alone Ennobles

DTduzDallas 50F

12/5/2005 1:05 pm

lmfao...this is great!

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
12/5/2005 1:06 pm

bouncing booty?!? so its YOU who has been following me?

funny stuff

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
12/5/2005 2:17 pm

That's it. You're writing my epitaph. Deal?

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

kyplowboy22 61M

12/5/2005 4:12 pm

Why do I keep finding myself reading this out loud in my best soft n low "Joe Friday" voice? lmao


SolarPowered0 67M
8018 posts
12/5/2005 4:51 pm


This IS that scene from "THE CHOCOLATE-MALT FALCON"... I knew I recognized that head bobbing!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/5/2005 6:00 pm

ROFL....hehe, Bard, dear, I do believe you misunderstood Method. He didn't off the UPS man with his leg (he would have had to hit him with his cock to kill him), what he did, I believe, was turned off the Uninterrupted Power Supply. Immediate computer shutdown so no one could see what he was laughing at.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
12/5/2005 6:06 pm

Can I have a Homer Simpson Chia Head for Christmas, please.

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
12/5/2005 6:44 pm

"...his cock sprang out like Tigger on crack."
I don't know whether there's ever going to be Blogland Writing Awards, but if so, I'm nominating that line.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

bardicman 50M

12/5/2005 7:00 pm

Sisters - Thanks for the crayon.. I will have to use that if you don't mind..

wetpanty - hmmm since you put it that way........ROFL

Krissy - umm the beef was involved in a previous engagement...

I am not dead yet

bardicman 50M

12/5/2005 7:02 pm

DT - Thank you M'Lady

SJ - Did I say bouncing? YES I DID !! boing boing boing boing..

KPB - Just don't go blaming me if you don't get laid this weekend

I am not dead yet

bardicman 50M

12/5/2005 7:05 pm

Solar - Shhhhhh

Daph - Ahh ok. D'0h I feel stupid now... Well thats not really any differant from the way I normally feel.

Lianna - You can have what ever you desire

I am not dead yet

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/5/2005 7:29 pm

lmao can't wait for the rest of the story

Kimmers777 106F

12/5/2005 9:14 pm

Tigger on crack! That image is going to stay with me for days. Thank you!

bulging_boy 49M

12/6/2005 3:39 am


Fucks sake!

this is gonna be longer than one of your turds!

georgina666 36F

12/6/2005 5:46 am

this is my first time reading your blog, goodness gracious, where have you been all my life?!

glad to read your postings, they're just so damn great...gosh, truly a bliss stay writing!

bardicman 50M

12/6/2005 6:44 am

Oldman - Its coming faster than a sheep in New Zealand....

Bulgey - How would you know how long one of my turds is...???

I am not dead yet

bulging_boy 49M

12/6/2005 10:55 am

What makes you think sheep in NZ cum?

and were you really drunk when you pushed out that snake on cam?

I know I was... cause I watched it.

mind you! I've always been fond of a good horror... and that...

my dirty sphinctered one - was a fucking horror and a half!

keithcancook 60M
17783 posts
12/7/2005 8:01 pm

Dude, you should call this "The Metaphor Story". Or maybe "The Analogy Post".

bardicman 50M

12/7/2005 8:36 pm

Bulgey - What make me think sheep in NZ Cum? Were you so drunk you don't remember us watching you on cam?

I am not dead yet

bardicman 50M

12/7/2005 8:38 pm

Keith - I had considered calling it Misnomers, Metaphors, and asinine asimiles....

I am not dead yet

rm_Mzhineyhole 36F
138 posts
12/8/2005 4:38 pm

Hmmm I am loving it

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