Help I have Fallen and I can't Giddy Up Little Doggie.  

bardicman 50M
7540 posts
4/14/2006 6:15 pm

Last Read:
5/1/2006 8:33 pm

Help I have Fallen and I can't Giddy Up Little Doggie.

She was a beautiful lady,
Sitting at the intersection.
Putting on her makeup
talking on her cell phone
Her left front tire buried
in the sun roof of my car
A now closed book
resting on the dash
her cursing me because
the impact made her lose
her place in her romance
the impact made her lipstick
go off course and draw a line
from her lips to her ear.

As she deeply inhaled
a freshly lit cigarette
I couldn't help but think
If she inhaled my cock
with such voracity
There would surely be
parts of my internal organs
in my semen.

She continued cursing
My unmitigated audacity
To be sitting stopped
at that red light
she continued cursing me
as I lay there paralyzed
Helpless with a broken neck
in a puddle of
My own piss and blood
My injuries
caused from her driving
her huge hummer
Over the top of my
Sporty new Grand Am
A cherry red line
from her lips
to her ear
If I could move
I would laugh
instead she bitches
about my grimace
and kicks me in the balls
only I cant feel it now
so I wink at her
and wiggle my ear
as I make plans
for a new
Rascal Scooter.

I am not dead yet

southrnpeach333 50F

4/14/2006 8:07 pm

Sexy....Bardicman on a Rascal Scooter.

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:51 am:

Vrooom vroooom

SolarPowered0 67M
8018 posts
4/14/2006 8:12 pm

Bummer! Pink Hummer? Hooters to scooters... Now, that's novelty in the face of those red-to-the-ear lips of Little Miss Puffit, who gave an organ donor a boner; then kicked him in the balls for trying to pass off internals as a viable payload - and at a time like this. ( BTW: It may be me, but... there's something just innately wrong with a Hummer bein' pink! Unless, of course, it's a "hummer"? )

Solar... (out of the clear blue of the Western Sky)

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:52 am:
It could be part of the don't ask don't tell thing....

romeoMEETSjuliet 51M/51F
162 posts
4/14/2006 8:54 pm

She asks - Did you type that whole thing using just your tongue? Cause we might need to talk about some stuff!

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:53 am:
Yes I did.. We should talk

caressmewell 53F

4/14/2006 9:29 pm

What a bitch..
She musta been a Mary Kay sales rep to be in a PINK hummer.

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:54 am:
I just knew that Avon sticker would get me in trouble.

onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
4/14/2006 10:30 pm


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:54 am:
Holy shit.. He lives !!!

Now I shall go to your blog so you can say the same about me

8321 posts
4/14/2006 11:09 pm

Your use of "voracity" was rather tight, Bardic.

I like it.

You take alot more abuse from women than I ever would.

Perhaps when I'm your age, I'll be more humble.


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:55 am:
Ahhh Div. When you get to my age any contact from a female that involves your genitals is a good day .

rm_titsandtires 51M/41F
3656 posts
4/14/2006 11:17 pm

My day sucked too. Not that bad.


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 7:56 am:
ROFL Tires. See it can always get worse.

clevergirl4U 58F

4/15/2006 8:06 am

LMAO...guilty as charged!

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:16 pm:
Ahhhh so it WAS you

rm_SultryVirgo 48F
567 posts
4/15/2006 8:24 am

Damn Bard you got to meet my sister. Did I ever mention I was adopted?


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:17 pm:
Sultry, your sister does have a slight attitude problem.

kyplowboy22 61M

4/15/2006 8:29 am

Here, beau, lemme give you hand....just a quick twist and you'll be fine! You sure look kinda funny with your chin between your shoulder blades, hehe, now that just ain't right! Quit screaming Bard, I don't feel nothin', besides Blondie over there is screamin' enough for both of you! There now, how's that? Bard?......BARD? Quite playin' around here, I'm late for work!


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:18 pm:
Ahhh a travelin' horse doctor.

rm_BigDnLady 43M/40F
1140 posts
4/15/2006 9:47 am

Very funny. Clever writing bardic!!
Very very cool. I for one only put on make up at a red light!! LOL!!


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:19 pm:
Me too lady and only when I am safely stopped.

MaggiesWishes 59F

4/15/2006 12:07 pm


I don't think I can add more then what's here!
You are wickedly good!


bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:21 pm:
You could add more if you pranced around my broken body naked....

TopFisher 63M

4/15/2006 12:29 pm

Oh the joys of tafffic!

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:21 pm:
You would be surprised..

rm_art_persists 51M
1789 posts
4/15/2006 2:52 pm

And those of the bicycle gang shall rise up HALLELUJAH!!!

bardicman replies on 4/15/2006 4:22 pm:
Bicycle Gang !!!! Just say no to higher gas prices.


4/15/2006 11:04 pm

Did she get her make up fixed before anyone showed up?

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
4/16/2006 1:22 pm


Too funny, dear Bard. I for one am very good at talking, driving and putting on make-up....have yet to drive over anyone. Never tried reading though.

HBowt2 58F

4/18/2006 1:36 am

Told Ya........if you weren't just sitting there none of this would have happened.....

bulging_boy 49M

4/30/2006 2:45 am

If it's any consolation it was a really good book.

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