Deliverance - The Musical. Act 1 Scene 2. Juans Lament  

bardicman 50M
7540 posts
4/11/2006 5:32 pm

Last Read:
4/17/2006 10:21 pm

Deliverance - The Musical. Act 1 Scene 2. Juans Lament

Deliverance - the Musical. Act 1 Scene 1. The First Opening.
As we saw in the opening Juan Voice was apprehensive about taking the canoe trip down the Chillipussy River. However, He allowed the enthusiasm and peer pressure of his buds to talk him into it. Being the true Urbanite that he is he sits alone at home later that night and laments about his decision and wonders if he could get out of it.
The Curtain rises on Act 1 Scene 2.
Sorceror07Juan Voice is sitting alone in his living room. His new backpack lies open at his feet as he stuffs clothes and supplies into it.
He sings this lament, The audience will notice a strange melodic resemblance to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Trapped in a weekend
Can't escape this reality
I'd rather play golf
Than canoe the chillipusseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'm just a chicken, I'm quite a bit nerdy
Because I'm urbanite, city boy
A lover man, ladies toy
Anyway the rapid flows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

Mama, I played chess today
Moved my bishop to C-8
Then I proudly, called checkmate
Mama, the game had begun
And now I proved I the best in the state
Mama, ooo
I don't want to go canoe
If I'm not back again this time on Sunday
Call the cops call the cops, because nothing else will matter

Too late, the dawn has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Nude Betty eats all the time
Goodbye pretty city - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo - (Float the Chillipussy)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never agreed at all

I see a little S.U.V. full of men
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening
Chillipussy, Chillipussy
Chillipussy, Chillipussy
Chillipussy no no no, I can't float.
But I'm just a poor boy, I don't know how to paddle
He's just a poor boy with a little straddle
Spare him his life from this canoe trip please
Easy come easy go - will you make me go
Pussyman! YES - we surely make you go - Make him go
Pussyman! We surely make you go - make him go
Pussyman! We surely make you go - make him go
Will surely make you go - Make him go (always)
Surely make you go - Make him go
Surely make him go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh gotta pee-a gotta pee-a gotta pee-a let me go
Burnt Blunt the fuck has a paddle put aside for me
for me
for me

So you think you can throw me and teach me to float
So you think you can drown me and leave me to bloat
Oh Burnt Blunt - can't do this to me Burnt Blunt
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
I am really paranoid - I am really a paranoid pussy

Anyway the rapid flows...

I am not dead yet

LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
4/11/2006 8:35 pm

BaBy you have too much time on your hands. What you need is a handfu or two of these <----------to keep you busy

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:33 am:
Hmmm, Two please

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
4/11/2006 8:51 pm

Holy shit...
This is GREAT.
And I'M a cynic!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:34 am:
Then in fact that is surely one hell of a compliment.

rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
2110 posts
4/11/2006 9:05 pm

Damn. I was singing along


Excellent, Bard

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:34 am:
I could hear your voice.. it is sweeter than Juans fer sure...

OboesHonedIambs 62F

4/11/2006 9:15 pm

That's demented! Who would've thought that you could channel Tom Lehrer? That's a great talent!

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:35 am:
I have other "hidden" talents too ... woooohoooo

rm_art_persists 51M
1789 posts
4/11/2006 9:39 pm


bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:35 am:

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

4/11/2006 9:57 pm

Oh shit, more gut-splitting humor.. Help!

Brilliant. There has GOT to be a Queen song for dueling banjos (sure to come i'm sure!)

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:35 am:
Fat Bottom Girls ????

themisskrissy 56F
2302 posts
4/11/2006 11:42 pm

okay... i give up reading your blogs... my incision is not healed well enough for the belly laughs!!!!!


Virtue Alone Ennobles

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:36 am:
Congrats on 100 Krissy, Laughter is the best medicine.. I guess if it is making your guts spill out on the floor its kinda bad though..

8324 posts
4/12/2006 12:53 am

Now you're just teasing the readers, Bardicbro.....

Are we ever gonna get to the squealing?

Ned Beatty, drop trou, et al.?

Speaketh, Bardith....

(PS: Possible bands up for inclusion in the play: Credence Clearwater, Moody Blues.)


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 7:37 am:
Thats like the climax Div... I have to build the readers interest..

SolarPowered0 67M
8018 posts
4/12/2006 9:53 am

I can see Juan is moreso to be considered "dementing" than he is to be mistaken for "lamenting". However, as a critic-in-training... I shall reserve my final "slings" for post-finale publication.

This does make me wonder if Bald Billy Redduns jumped off the Chillipussy bridge.

Solar von Number ze Plumber... (out of the clear blue of the Western Sky)

bardicman replies on 4/12/2006 1:19 pm:
What does this button do...

Are you sure you want to permanantly ban Solarpowered0 from your blog...



ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
4/12/2006 3:25 pm

Freddie would be proud.


bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:29 pm:
Why thank you Artistic Lady

TTigerAtty 62M

4/12/2006 4:59 pm

Does Sorce Sorceror07 know how to play 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' on that electric guitar of his?

Chillipussy River? 'Think I can relate. Unfortunately, I think I've been there.

bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:30 pm:
Cold Cunt Creek flows into the Chillipussy River. So does the Tepid Twat ditch I think

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
4/13/2006 1:44 am

I knew my return would be rewarding.....
now I'll be singing that song for least it's a cool one!

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:31 pm:

southrnpeach333 50F

4/13/2006 10:53 am

A true work of art.... A masterpiece for the annuls of Blogville.

bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:32 pm:
Speaking of works of art and anals.. How are you Peach

SolarPowered0 67M
8018 posts
4/14/2006 7:52 am

And THIS is what I get for all the effort I've expended on studying my "upcoming" part in this production? Cold... colder even than the last "jab"! But, if you were to push that button, you could ALWAYS undo it, now that the fixes are in... What would it take, Bro? Just exactly what would it take for a reversal of your misfortune???


Solar... (out of the clear blue of the Western Sky)

bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:33 pm:
Hmmmm such deep questions asked.. I fear I have no smart ass answer. Suddenly, I am feeling humane.

Probably the lack of sleep

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
4/14/2006 4:25 pm

hey Bard...hope you don't mind, but we need your help..

It's about [blog purrykitty2]

bigknob1958...GET PURRY NAKED CAMPAIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:34 pm:
I have no problems and I am always willing to help.

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
4/14/2006 4:42 pm

Well done!

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

bardicman replies on 4/14/2006 5:34 pm:
Thanks Spinnerman.

southrnpeach333 50F

4/14/2006 8:04 pm

Just peachy, bardic. Now was that a freudian slip.......

twirly_girl 47F

4/15/2006 1:29 am

Good God. So there IS someone else on here as goofy as me?
You reworked that song to perfection.

Now get back to my virtual bed so I can tie you back up!


HBowt2 59F

4/17/2006 10:07 am

bet even freddy is singing to this've got one awesome sense of humour...

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
4/17/2006 2:38 pm

OMG ... I am pissing in my pants! *much love, Sweetie*

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