For a while Ive been pretty much mute. Now i got something meaty to say.  

barbiebunny 36F
6789 posts
9/29/2005 2:57 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

For a while Ive been pretty much mute. Now i got something meaty to say.

Im going to start off with a personal story.

We got to be friends in college. She was a re-entry student about 33. We became fast friends. I enjoyed her experience on life. We became very close. We leaned on each other. I heard her tell be her painful childhood finding her father dead from suicide on her birthday. She confesses she was a recovering alcoholic. 9 years sobriety. She sponsors, shes working her program.

She tells me the most horrible things that have happened to her. Instead of running away.. my compassionate heart holds her safe. We all are different capacities.

One night she comes out with me clubbing. At the time I drank and partied a lot as most kids do at 22, but i could leave it. I have a non addicitve personality. Shed always order a diet coke.

One night, on the way to the Yucatan, (the hangoutjoint) she tells me, that after 9 years shes goin off the wagon, and drinking until she falls down tonight. I ask her if shes thought about this decision, and she was aware of what she was doing... reminding her how far she had come. She said yes. Now i knew she and her husband were on the brink of financial ruin and to compound things she turned the same age as when her daddy died... and recently I had talked to her all night not to end her life.

Yes, she had problems, and demons, but when she was on she was a hell of a woman. The scales balanced out. And above all she was loyal and had a sense of honor. I loved her.

Now before u call me an "enabler" youre mistaken. I loved her. But she was hell bent on drinking. Sometimes, I know the desire to escape for one moment in time the torment so you can collect your thoughts and hit it hard again.

So I gently guided her and watched her thru the night. I let her have her fun. I diddnt let her dive off the cliff into the abyss. I loved her without judgement. I know the human frailties in this world all to well. Even at an early age.

A lot of times we put a lot of expectaions on friendship or rules and not take into consideration the heart. She was suffering. I loved her the more. That night she set in motion her own path, good and bad.

I had to let her go down it. Eventually she had a nasty car wreck in the malibu canyon after a night of drinking. She walked around a year with an undiagnosed broken neck. The same vertibre chris reeve did. To say this woman was blessed was an understatement. I wish i had been there but you cannot protect someone all the time.

After her cosmic wake up call, she went back to AA, off the sauce stronger than ever.. she began to be instrumental in the chris reeve foundation. I supported her throughout this painful ordeal.

She found her way. We all eventually do. Even when its darkest, theres always good.

Can you love a friend when u disagree with them? I hope so because thats when they need you most.


Its good to be...ME

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

9/29/2005 5:08 pm

Very good story. I don't blame you for not stopping her. It is better that you agree to drink with her and moniter her over her doing it without you and doing something completley stupid.



Always The Bitch

rm_REDROO1313 46M
33 posts
9/29/2005 6:25 pm

deep story,
and yes you can,
a true friend will care for you no matter what and will be there to pick up what's left of you when it all goes wrong.
"no truer a friend than that has walked in the shadows of evil with thee"

the closest friend I've ever had....died,
to keep me alive


9/29/2005 6:43 pm

"A true Friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out".

Love ya

tillerbabe 56F

9/29/2005 6:47 pm

This my "dear Bun", is what we call Unconditional Love.

I believe it is essential in all friendships and relationships - none of us are ever "perfect all the time".

Thanks for the "post".

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/29/2005 9:25 pm

I think this is my favorite post of all of yours I've read Bunny. You have to love a friend even when you disagree with them. You never know if you're all they have to lean on.

Very touching.

Hugs - DT

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/30/2005 5:47 am

Not only can you love someone when you think they're doing something "wrong" or "stupid" but it's almost the definition of love - anything else and you're just a fair-weather friend, surely?

It's also the real meaning of forgiveness: not "let's forgive and forget and move on" (because, let's face it, it's hard to forget) but "I love you even though you've done x, y and z".

Besides, who are we to judge others? There aren't really many "inalienable rights" but one that remains is the right to choose our own path through this "vale of tears".

SeekingFun337 64M/60F
657 posts
9/30/2005 9:28 am

While we are enamored with a person, they are still just that, a person, with all the joys, sadness, frailties, and strengths that come with being human. Love goes far beyond failures, of the heart, mind, spirit, or body. There is no one who doesn't have something that fails the test of commonality, and there will always be that something which we disagree over. If you are to experience the incredible high of love, then it requires you to understand that the one you love will have things which you do not 'like'. Being a part of someone's life, and finding love requires being there, and finding a way to add to the other's life experience in a way that makes it worth living. I do not believe we should advocate something which our loved one is doing which endangers them, but our counsel, or intervention must be heartfelt for their benefit, and not to raise ourselves up and judge. Loving also means caring, and caring means you hurt when they hurt, laught when they are filled with joy, and fear for them when they are in danger, or harm's way.

So, it is prerequisite that love does not gaurantee compatibility. Just look at two siblings, say during their teen years, a brother and sister. They will battle over everything, deliberately engage in causing the other one grief, but the brother will defend the sister, and sister brother, if anyone come's between or danger is near.

2xTwiceShy 51M
470 posts
10/1/2005 2:31 am

I'm not one to stroke egos (or anything else) of fellow bloggers. But I tip my hat to QuietGuy here.

True friends and lovers share one commonality: I'll still be there for you, no matter what.

In life, love, marriage, and probably most importantly friendships, that firm ledge can be just what those dearest to us need to hold on to at the lowest points of their lives. And wow, does that ever remind you who your real friends are.

I can name all three from my life. I mourned the loss of one, but look forward to catching up with him again. The theme from the Celestine Prophecy grows on you as you recognize these people in your life.

Live, love, give. Then watch what unfolds before you.

tootsiedippin 53M/53F
1078 posts
10/4/2005 2:23 pm

Bunz, as aways you are the best. A person with a problem has to hit thier bottom and really desire to quit. You can't force it. The process takes longer when its forced and doesn't really take. By allowing her to come to her own conclusions you gave her a gift. That gift was two fold;1) you let her ride it out herself and 2) you stood by her through it all.
Can you love when you disagree? Absolutely! I think it brings you closer.

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
10/4/2005 9:07 pm

Thanks everyone! I always enjoy reading your thoughts on things immensely I learn so much

Its good to be...ME

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