breaking it all down...  

badshyfella 36M
2 posts
12/23/2005 1:42 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

breaking it all down...


i'm bored; though i actually should be in bed. i'm not tired, and i don't particularly want to go to bed; though it would be the responsible thing to do.

someone asked me why i don't have a face pic. the reason is because i really don't want certain people to find out that i'm on here, and i don't particularly want to show my face unless someone is serious about doing something. one step at a time.

as for why i'm on here; well, that's complicated. i love to analyze everything, including myself. my subconscious reasons for being on here with pictures of my naked body are not neccessarily about my own horniness or craving for sex. i think it's more of a craving for attention.

you see, i feel as though i cannot be loved, and though i do not expect love in doing this, it acts as a temporary fill for a void inside of me, the need to be loved. i know it's fake, and i keep taking this temporary fix.

i guess i don't feel adaquete on some levels, or i have rather large insecurities; but i conteract those by flaunting my penis over the internet; because i feel i'm sexy, even if no one else agrees. quite a deep ordeal actually.

i've only actually had sex two times. my first was really good with a friend that i trust. she was on top and then we switched to doggy-style. i really enjoyed this as did she. the second time i had sex was really lame. i can't even remember the girls name, and i was really uncomfortable with her personality; hence i didn't exactly perform well like i did the other time with my friend. it just plain sucked. i also think too, the first time there were margaritas involved which made me relax... the second time there wasn't any alcohol. maybe alcohol is the key for me, i don't know really.

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