My Stupid Life  

azza_1971 45M
9 posts
8/28/2005 5:15 pm

Last Read:
12/17/2006 1:51 pm

My Stupid Life

When i was at home with my wife i was getting sex maybe twice a month. This was not great sex or even good sex it was the kind of sex that afterwards you'd think to yourself "crap i should have just had a wank instead".
Since i haven't been living at home do you think things are better? Well i'll tell you no they are not. women at night clubs just want you to buy them drinks and then they move on to the next free drink. I have had very little luck on AdultFriendFinder and other sites similar. And to be honest the only sex i'm getting at the moment is when i go around to see my wife and kids. Now here is the fucked part I am having the best sex ever in my life with a woman who until i left home was indifferent to me or my penis. She didn't like to be touched or licked on or around the clitorus fourplay was just a massage for an hour then a 2 minute fuck where i couldn't wait to get it over with and she always looked bored.
Nowif i touch her anywhere it means we have to have sex and i'm talking sometimes 2-3 hours of wild passionate sex. so now i'm frustrated. do i keep looking for someone else or do i go home where things may or may not return to the bad old days?

blacksheep3194 44M
3 posts
8/28/2005 7:37 pm

I know what your talking about, my sex life at home is awfull. You can keep on trying to find someone or go back home . BUT! that doesnt mean things will get better . Just give it a try. Maybe the wife finally sees what shes missing, if it doesnt work then look for someone new. Of course it will take time, always does. As for me Im kind of in the same situation as you but I have a girlfriend and a wife. My wife thinks she knows all about sex but doesnt ..she just lays there. She thinks she gives the best blowjobs in the world ....nope there awfull. But my girlfriend who is older than me she fantastic, and I do love her ya love the wife to but dont know if its going to work, so just give the wife another try, if it works then stay ...but you have to really give it a try. I am but dont know about the wife. But good luck to you.

rm_abebb 58M
56 posts
8/28/2005 9:27 pm

i have always noticed that whenever a one of my relationships ended through break, regardless of who initiated the break up, my ex girlfriends were back into the swing of things, with a new guy or guys in less that two weeks, as i often languished for about 6 months before finding a replacement or at least getting laid again. although a few of my ex's were kind enough to accommodate me with a post break up treat from time to time. there are three lies in this world, they are (1) the check is in the male (2) i won't cum in your mouth and (3) women are not concerned with a guys looks. all i can say is i had a friend who was very good looking. he scored on the average of two or three women per week when hitting the bars and clubs. they would approach him. so much for the other myth about the man having to make the first move. believe it or not his biggest complaint was not finding a woman that her cared for emotionally. well any way, he eventually found one and she is an average looking women. he is now happily married and has a child on the way. he is also one of the nicest people i have ever met. so he was blessed with both looks and personality.

rm_look2touchme 53M/48F  

8/28/2005 10:48 pm

From a womans point of view. Maybe the two of u just need sometime apart to see what both of u were missing. When u are married and have childern life just seems to take over and where does that leave your spouse. on the back burner, the yard needs to be mowed, someone has to take out the trash, do the damn dishes, get the kids ready for bed, wash clothes you know where i am going. Who wants sex!!!!!!!
Yea I use to be that way. My husband thought I didnt love him any more. I was just wrapped up in LIFE. Now you are gone. She sits alone and ask herself what happened. Where did she go wrong? How could this happen to us? Well now you have a choice. What is the most important thing in the world to u? Where do u want to be? She realises what she has done and is trying to save her marriage. You have to choose with road you are going to travel, but if you go back, Love her with all you being. Make her your world and she will do the same for you.
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

okyme 52F

8/28/2005 11:19 pm

OK I know I`m going to get blasted for this one but....don`t go home unless you really really love her and realize it will happen all over again, your getting laid because you`ve become a challange to her now, woman (and yes all woman be honest) love a challange, once we have you its the same shit day after day, thats why the bad boys are so saught over, we NEED that if you do go back home better keep it a challange.Either way good luck with your life, things will get better either way.

AtomicKisss 58M

8/28/2005 11:55 pm


Welcome to AdultFriendFinder blogland! By the way, you had a fantastic blog. Now to try and answer your question:

There is something called "the dance of co-dependents." Although I am not implying that either you or your wife is a co-dependent, right now, you are exhibiting one of the traits. When one partner is too close (usually via touch) the other one pulls away. The more the second partner pulls away, the more anxiety there is and the first partner tries to get even closer to get that level of reassurance. Finally, someone realizes that things are not working and the relationship falls apart.

Once the relationship falls apart, the second partner has more than enough space. Thus, the second partner reaches out to the first one in an attempt to get closer. This time, the first partner feels crowded and pulls away OR the first partner responds to the advances, becomes too close and the cycle is repeated.

In short, because of the dynamics of your relationship with your wife, you are better off keeping your distance.

As for women, although we live in separate parts of the world, I have had a very good experience with AdultFriendFinder. It does help, however, if you have gold/silver membership (I'm not sure of your membership status).

Good luck,

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
8/29/2005 4:27 am

Usually I post ramblin replies which dissect the problem as I see it and try to reach a good conclusion. I am not going to do that with you because your problem is too complex.

When anyone makes a comment on a blog they have to use the power of assumption. They assume that your problem was like the one that they had last year, or they assume that your ex-wife was like their ex-wife. Splitting from someone is intense and takes into a account a wide vista of history and individual and relationship dynamics. I think rather than provide you with my analysis of your situation it would be better to give you questions to think about, the answers of which may clarify your situation.

Before I start a quick do realise that the majority of humans on earth right now have unsatisfying sex lifes right? Most people are either unhappily single or in sexual ruts. Before you are finished on this earth you will of spent the majority of your life sexually frustrated (it is actually partially what makes satisfying sexual release so satisfying).

Anyway. Did you split from your wife cos the sex was crap? If so all you need to do is talk to her, because you have solved the problem, now you will only need to work out how to have great sex whilst in a relationship.

Can you salvage your marriage? do you want to? There is a mystical theory on earth which says that pleasure and pain have a relationship. This can most clearly be seen in narcotics and alcohol. You have a great time on them but after the party.....well. If you and your wife have no intention or reconcilliation then the great sex you are having is like herion. For every pleasurable encounter you have now you are gonna pay later. This is not a nice thing to say but on the one hand you are strenghtening your intimate ties, but you are doing it from a distance whilst you both work up the strength to split. It is a race to see who can become independent first. When the winner of that race takes a new lover or issues divorce papers and withdraws their sexual services then the losers emotions will be as messy as a car crash. If you are intending to split are you acting in your best interests by having mind-blowing sex?

If you do split from your wife bear in mind that your sex-life will be shit for a while. There is a come down from any relationship/marriage, it just has to be gotten through. To be honest I think at this point in your life sex should be the least of your worries and certainly not the deciding factor in any of the decisions that face you in the days ahead. Whatever you do decide I think it is time that you had a chat with your wife and not us.

azza_1971 45M

8/29/2005 6:10 am

the split was actually because i couldn't keep it in my pants outside the relationship. but when we split i stopped looking because she gained a sex drive. still everyone has been helpfull with their replies and have given me a lot to think on.

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
8/29/2005 7:57 am

Azza man. Sorry to come back at you but this is so intriguing. The reason for the marital problems before and after are all based upon sex. This is a rhetorical question, but one whose answer is conspicious by its absence...... do you love your wife? If the answer is yes and you want to stay with her then you have no problem. Sit down and talk it out. Inidelity is a surmountable problem if the couple in question love each other. As a couple you can have mind-blowing sex (and indeed are having...) you just need to effect a recounciliation and not return to the bad old days. Talk to her, tell her what you want/like. If she is someone who feels as though she cannot provide this go to a sex councillor (many people feel unable to do this through pride and let their marriage go to the wall instead...... I reckon try it, overcome your pride/inhibitions for the short term and save the relationshipin the long term).

The reason that I am exhorting you to do this is because you loved this woman enough to marry her. Whatever caused you to do that she is probably still that same basic person just as you are still the same basic person. Modern couples no longer realise that long-term marriage is difficult (does everyone seriously believe that our grandparents found it any less difficult or maybe they faced these problems instead of bailing out) but the reward is that you have someone to share life with. You leave this woman lightly now and I guarantee that in the long-term you will regret it. People in long-term relationships tend to see the single life through the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia and because of that throw away their relationships cheaply, I know I did (so you can do better, find a younger dirtier girl? maybe you can but how long have you got? it does not happen quickly, if at all. The single life is not a world of possibilities for the mere mortal, more like a sexual nuclear winter with the odd success). You can save this marriage and fix your marital bed so that you and your wife are both satisfied......... question is how much do you want to?

azza_1971 45M

8/30/2005 5:30 pm

i see where you are coming from and i bow to your exerience in this particular arena. I do still love her and the weird thing is she still loves me even after what i did. i work in the hospitality industry where most people are single or divorced and the party life reigns supreme. i think my problem is that to it in i have tried to change myself back into someone i was a long time ago and while i'm having huge amounts of fun i am also hurting those i love in the process.

i need to find a happy medium i think. one where my work and home life can coexist without the added side affects on my marriage. you see i still want to go clubbing with the guys from work but i would prefer if my wife came with us. it's not all about sex though i have changed (as we all do) as a person and i don't think she has. but i'm still trying to get things right.

will keep you up to date on how things go.

Thanx for the advice.

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