Married Lovers  

annierocks 61F
164 posts
7/17/2006 8:21 pm

Last Read:
7/27/2006 3:28 pm

Married Lovers

How many married people are here without their spouse's knowledge? How do you feel about having to keep it a secret?

49AK 55M
1823 posts
7/18/2006 12:41 am

Having been there before...

I can tell you that keeping secrets is the worst thing you can do... as hard as it might be... you should keep it in the open.

annierocks 61F

7/18/2006 8:47 am

I hide nothing from my spouse. I cannot as it is not my nature.

However, I think sometimes circumstances are such that one must. When one is determined to have an affair, the choice comes down to which is most hurtful: infidelity or divorce?

HammyNoxalDiary 62M
5984 posts
7/18/2006 10:59 am

Fifteen year ago, my wife was having affairs with my family members and co-workers. She told me about them and even sought my support when her flings didn't yield the results she wanted. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it, but I would have been better off not knowing.

At that time, I sought an understanding stranger to share with while on a business trip. I didn't confess my perversions, and for me it was not just about sex, but we did have sex. It was my only affair, it was wonderful, and the only regret I have was telling my wife when I returned. It didn't resolve our problems and only led to increasing suspicion and insecurity on her part.

My wife has turned my honesty against me in many ways. From now on, I'm saving it for those who won't abuse it. She doesn't have a clue I'm here at AdultFriendFinder and I won't confess anything that may result from my being here (if anything).

What I share here in the blogs (my feelings) and the activities I wish to share are things that she refuses to share. I'm not withholding anything that she wants and therefore I feel no guilt. I do feel sneaky. Although I don't like that feeling my motto is:
"Share everything you can with your spouse. Share everything else with care."

annierocks 61F

7/18/2006 12:15 pm

Damn! I'm tempted to ask why you are still married, but it is inappropriate for me to ask and would not be fair to you I think.

I'm sad to hear of your situation. You deserve better.

goodandevil74 42M

7/18/2006 2:16 pm

"The truth is rarely pure, and never simple." --Oscar Wilde

Some people are designed to follow several paths in one lifetime. Some of those paths conflict, and some are parallel without ever intersecting. Some people have too much soul to live one life, so they find themselves yearning the path less traveled. I think many people on this website are in lives they regret. Some are in relationships that are open, others not. I make decisions that make me happy with the goal of never hurting anyone. My wife knows of my sexual appetite, but is unaware of my wandering eyes. That is the life I selected, and I'm trying not to have buyer's remorse.

HammyNoxalDiary 62M
5984 posts
7/18/2006 7:17 pm

    Quoting annierocks:
    Damn! I'm tempted to ask why you are still married, but it is inappropriate for me to ask and would not be fair to you I think.

    I'm sad to hear of your situation. You deserve better.
Thank you for the support. I apologize for making your entry so much about me, but your question is fair one.

In short, my wife would probably never let me go, and my attempt to escape would simply make her more depressed, bitter, etc. If I did manage to break free and move out of state or something, our daughter or her mother would suddenly bare the entire load of loving a troubled woman. They didn't agree to love her "for better or worse". I did, I have, and I do.

I almost wish she would catch me being unfaithful, get angry, and kick my ass to the curb forever. In reality, I don't even see that happening.

Life with her isn't all bad. She has her good points. I just want to share what she refuses to share.

annierocks 61F

7/19/2006 5:04 am

I truly wish there were something I could say. And I think Ban has hit the nail on the head: Many people are living lives they regret.

oldflyer69 82M  
34 posts
7/19/2006 5:22 am

Wow lots of good comments. I'm in the same boat, the wife has stopped wanting sex and will not tell me why so here I am looking for a discreet friend. It's not easy to find, people do discriminate because of age. No i can never let her know I am on here, she will just not understand.

goodandevil74 42M

7/19/2006 6:02 am

My friend and his wife went to therapy over these sorts of issues. It didn't work. Their marriage is great in every aspect except for the sex. She is not interested--she doesn't hate sex, she's just never thinks about it. Women are an odd breed (no allusions intended). Because women are emotional stimulated (making generalizations, of course), it is hard for them to become sexually aroused as often as men would like. The saying is true for most men--we wish we were married to nympho's in bed, and nuns outside of the bedroom.

annierocks 61F

7/19/2006 6:48 am

I am aroused by the relationship, I confess.

Good, I'd love to know what your degree is in.

goodandevil74 42M

7/19/2006 10:00 am

I have a degree in Human Nature and Hard Knocks (joking of course). Communications with and English minor. Master's in Public Service.

annierocks 61F

7/19/2006 12:41 pm


goodandevil74 42M

7/19/2006 1:18 pm


I don't know what it is, but I was waiting to hear from you all day. Silly, but true.

annierocks 61F

7/19/2006 3:07 pm

Hmmmmmm...meeting of the minds?

goodandevil74 42M

7/19/2006 5:30 pm


annierocks 61F

7/19/2006 6:45 pm

You play the game well.

goodandevil74 42M

7/20/2006 4:00 am

Well, thank you--I think.

annierocks 61F

7/20/2006 5:36 am

Well..I started a thread with you in mind.

goodandevil74 42M

7/25/2006 1:09 pm

Flattery will get you everywhere in cyberspace! Thank you for the thread!

rm_gentleeyes3 60M
68 posts
7/26/2006 11:19 am

I am in AdultFriendFinder without any knowlegde of "Anyone"...including my spouse. I lead such a public life, it could be a total show stopper if it "leaked" so to speak lol...gawd where did that come from?
I would assume that every married persons reason for being here is different from the other's, but as Annie said, I hide nothing from my spouse....except..This!!!..When there is a void that has been created and can't be filled, some find different venues (avenues) to fill that void. True friendship with the opposite sex is invaluable to at least have those intimate talks and sharing with each other. Sometimes that friendship can grow.........and grows...into an unbelievable "discreet, intimate and treasured relationship *sigh*..
Enough of my rambling..
I talk alot can you tell?? lol

annierocks 61F

7/26/2006 11:32 am

You talk a lot? You have been using the wrong standard of comparison. Stick with me,'ll soon feel like you need to talk more! LOL!

rm_gentleeyes3 60M
68 posts
7/26/2006 11:43 am

LOL...your what's the bet??

annierocks 61F

7/26/2006 2:22 pm

I'll have to think on this one.

rm_SweatyJeny 48F
21 posts
7/27/2006 8:05 am

I guess it depends upon the degree of openness. My relationship is completely open with my husband (and we both get some input on each other's hookups). Now the guy I am meeting at lunch today, his story is a bit different. Like most of the married men on this site, his wife lost her sex drive (she has medical issues) and he finally had to make an ultimatum. She relented to his getting some on the side as long as it did not interfere with the family life and he kept it discreet. Plus, she gets first call on sex should her sex drive return.

annierocks 61F

7/27/2006 11:13 am

Same here. Met the same guy I think

rm_gentleeyes3 60M
68 posts
7/27/2006 11:22 am

Jeny, I agree totally...

lonehubby50 60M
18 posts
7/27/2006 12:32 pm

My situation is about the same as gentleeyes3 (dude, change your handle, you know how tough it is for another guy to type that? ). The only people I can afford to know I'm here and why, are people in similar dire straits. It is my belief that trying to become at least friend with a married woman is that we both would have too much to lose to not keep any relationship (friends or otherwise) dicreet. I hope that isn't flawed reasoning.

annierocks 61F

7/27/2006 3:01 pm

Well, depends on if the woman's husband knows.

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