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Just a plethora of useless knowledge
May 31, 2007 8:32 am

Pound for pound, earthworms make up half of all animal life.
Technically, snow is considered a mineral.
The game of badminton used to be called "poona".
What's the most popular candy bar in the U.S.? Snickers.
Sammy Davis Jr. was originally known professionally as "Silent Sam, the Dancing Midget".
Nobody won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1972.
About a quarter of the oxygen in your bloddstream is used by your brain.
Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
The screwdriver was first used to help knights put on their armor.
According to mathematicians, the billionth digit of pi is 9.
A scallop has 35 eyes-all of them blue.
Galileo went blind studying the sun through telescopes.
During the middle ages you could be accused of witchcraft if your pets disobeyed you.
Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.
The Red Sea is the world's warmest sea.
Alexander the Great was buried in a vat of honey.
English word with the most different meanings in the dictionary: set, with 464. (2nd place, run.)
The 100 Years War lasted 116 years.
The Roman Emperor Nero played the bagpipes.
Mosquitos have teeth.
The index finger is the most sensitive finger on your hand.
Until 1850, most golfballs were stuffed with feathers.
Rats can live longer without water than camels can.
You can make 11 1/2 omelettes with one ostrich egg.
For Mother's Day
May 13, 2007 1:54 pm
"You don't love me!"
How many times have your kids laid that one on you? And how many times have you, as the parent, resisted the urge to tell them how much?
Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them.
I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom, and what time you would get home.
I loved you enough to insist you buy a bike with your own money that you could afford.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, "I stole this".
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your bedroom, a job that would have taken me 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to say, "Yes, you can go to Disney World on Mother's Day".
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust and tears in my eyes.
I loved you enough not to make excuses for your lack of respect or your bad manners.
I loved you enough to admit that I was wrong and ask for your forgiveness.
I loved you enough to ignore what every other mother did or said.
I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt and fail.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your own actions at age 6, 10, or 16.
I loved you enough to figure you would lie about the party being chaperoned, but I forgave you for it-after discovering I was right.
I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all. -Erma Bombeck
Things you didn't know
May 2, 2007 8:23 pm

1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The spot on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces
will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the
sharks stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14 . Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't
wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower'
because in the time when all original print had to be set in
individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case
on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the
other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War
II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was
never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange,
purple, and silver.

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years
to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go
mad an sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a
Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you
have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of Money in coins
without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't
sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law,
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider
than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market
was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a
piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most
often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer
now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking
around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing
to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."
1 comment
Apr 1, 2007 3:54 pm
Why do psychics have to ask your name?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Did ancient doctors refer to IV's as "fours"?
Why are they called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
Is Dan Quayle's name spelled with an e at the end?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
If most car accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Why can't I set my laser printer on "stun"?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If you write a book about failure and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Pilots vs. Mechanics
Mar 28, 2007 5:45 am
UPS .....
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
A Can of Worms......
Mar 20, 2007 10:39 am
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol-dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke-dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup-dead
The fourth worm in good clean soil-alive
So the Minister asked the congregation-What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,"as long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Don't you love little old ladies????
You Know you are living in 2007 when......
Mar 13, 2007 5:57 am

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is
that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to
see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries

.7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of
the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have
the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward
this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
on this list *

1 comment
For your reading pleasure
Jan 31, 2007 12:45 pm
Weird-but-true book titles.......

Why people move

Animals as Criminals

A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating

The Dentist in Art

How to get fat

A Frog's Blimp

The Fangs of Suet Pudding

How to cook Husbands

Cold Meat and how to disguise it

How to boil water in a paper bag

Sex life of the foot and shoe

How to be happy though married

Let's make some undies

Be bold with bananas

One hundred and forty one ways of spelling Birmingham

Children are wet cement

Scouts in bondage

Do snakes have legs?

Let me hold it till I die

Life and laughter 'midst the cannibals

Unmentionable cuisine

Nasal maintenance: Nursing your nose through troubled times

Old age Its cause and prevention
1 comment
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity
Jan 18, 2007 10:03 am
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone gets over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17. When the money comes out at the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

20. Send this to someone to make them's called therapy.
People actually said this!! Part 2
Jan 16, 2007 8:56 am
If after reading this, and you are not worried about the judicial system, I will buy you a drink. Because you are either an attorney, and I have to kiss up to you...or you are plastered right now, and one more drink won't hurt.

Q: Do you remember what shoes you were wearing?
A: You mean the day I fell down?
Q: Yes.
A: The same shoes I'm wearing.
Q: What do you call those shoes? Are they flats...or how would you describe them?
A: I'd describe them as 'these shoes'.

Q: Please review this document. Do you know what a fax is?
A: Yeah, I do, man. It's when you tell the truth, man, tell it like it is. That is what the facts is.

Q: What is the relationship?
A: She is my aunt.
Q: Who's brother or sister to whom here?
A: My mother is his brother-is her-my mother is-what is it? By marriage, I guess you would say. My mother is her brother-is his brother by marriage, so she's just an aunt.

A: You know, I don't know, but I mean, you know-you don't know but you know. You know what I'm saying?
Q: Do I? No. Do I know? No.

Q: You assumed narcotics in reaching your opinions.
A: Yes.
Q: You didn't assume a Frito or a Chee-to or a banana. You assumed narcotics.
A: It was a narcotics raid. It wasn't a Frito raid, counselor.

Q: Mr. Jones, do you believe in alien forces?
A: You mean other than my wife?

Q: Were you acquainted with the decedent?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?

Q: Did he ever kill you before?
A: Pardon me?
1 comment
People actually said this!!!
Jan 15, 2007 7:54 pm
Q: And you're saying because she's dead she's no longer alive; is that what you're saying?
A: Is there a dispute there?

Q: What did he say?
A: About that? All the way back he-I've never been called so many names.
Q: You're not married, I take it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.

Q: You said he threatened to kill you?
A: Yes. And he threatened to sue me.
Q: Oh, worse yet.

Q: And lastly, sir, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All of my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Now, Ma'am, your complaint alleges that you have had problems with concentration since the accident. Does that condition continue today?
A: No, not really. I take a stool softener now.

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