Am I really so different  

angelwise 46F
6 posts
7/19/2005 6:53 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Am I really so different

This is my first attempt at a blog and in keeping with my profile I am throwing away all inhibitions and talking about the real me as I am today.

In January of this year my divorce was finalised and I was suddenly a "free" agent at the ripe old age of 34 after ten years of marriage. For the first few weeks I was very lonely, even though we had been apart for 6 months. I suffered guilt feelings and managed to convince myself that the break-up was entirely my fault. Why? I don't know. It broke up because we had mutually drifted from the love that was once there. We even agreed it was a "no-blame" situation. But there was I wanting to be blamed for everything. - A truly wierd experience for anybody meeting it for the first time.

I moved into an apartment and found myself surrounded by men and women in similar situations, some had children. I guess I am lucky being childless when confronted with this situation. I became friendly with a lady who was about my own age and her marriage had broken because she was sick of being beaten by her spouse. (He sounded like a drunken slob from what she told me.)

One evening, after she had got the children to sleep we were sitting together sharing a bottle of red wine and feeling sorry for ourselves when I asked her when her former husband first started beating her. I was shocked when she said that she actually instigated it because she had always been a spankee. (I think that's the right term.) She knew that he playfully slapped her butt whenever he caught her bending and that she ensured that he caught her bending as often as possible. Eventually she asked him to spank her as part of foreplay and it became a fairly regular part of their sex lives.

After a few years this simple spanking didn't seem to be enough for him and he tended to take the session a step too far. Until eventually he punched her when drunk and the entire relationship became brutal rather than fun. (She claims that this was due to him starting to drink heavily.)

Now for my reaction, and bear in mind that I had never been spanked or physically chastised throughout my life. - I found myself becoming aroused as she explained, with help from red wine, how she enjoyed being spanked and how heightened it made the lovemaking that followed. In fact I became quite 'damp'.

That night I lay in my own bed fantasizing about spanking being used as a form of foreplay. In fact I even attempted to spank myself using a ruler. Yes it did hurt, but the feeling it aroused within me was very warm and erotic.

Was I a spankee too?

The thought horrified me, especially knowing what it led to in my friends case. But I couldn't get it out of my mind for weeks after the discussion even though we hadn't raised the subject in our conversations since.

I started surfing the net for spanking sites and chat rooms to learn as much as I could about it. I met a few wierdo's and many very nice genuine people online who seemed to come from all walks of life. I also learned to be cautious in who I agreed to meet. Eventually I became desperate and decided that I must try it. Just once to see what it is like to be spanked by somebody else.

I decided to contact a lady because I was a little nervous about presenting my butt to a virtual stranger male. I spoke with a lady in a chat room who seemed quite the right person, until she started talking spanking and sex as a single package. - I wasn't ready for that, so that relationship ended before it truly started.

Finally I plucked up courage and contacted a professional Domme, explained the situation and told her that I didn't know how I would respond and that I didn't want sex involved. (My God am I really admitting this online?) I couldn't concentrate on anything for the next 18 hours while waiting for my appointment. My mind just closed to everything else.

Next morning I arrived, very nervous, at her 'saloon' - she had suggested that we meet at 10.30am, 90 minutes before she opened for business, so that there would be just the two of us present and I wouldn't be seen by any prying eyes from a third party.

The result of that session was that I discovered that I had a greater threshold than I ever believed possible before trying this. I enjoyed what happened even though I was very nervous and at the start was shaking uncontrollably. When it was over I was so hot that I could have pleaded for sex. I hurried home, feeling the marks on my bottom on the taxi seat and sexually reacting to them. At home I quickly checked out my bruised butt in the bathroom mirror.

I was proud of being so brave and am now a confirmed spankee without a partner. But I'm looking real hard.

The crazy thing is I'm not submissive. In fact at work I'm quite the reverse. I have discovered that I like spanking as part of lovemaking. Am I wierd? I guess only others can judge.

pASSionwantd2 50M
1316 posts
7/19/2005 8:33 pm

Welcome to Blog Land angelwise,Join as Fast as you can,there are Alot of Spank Happy Fetish people that would Love to Meet you on that site,people do some spanking on cam you might like Too, I'm sure-good Luck

angelwise 46F

7/21/2005 4:08 pm

Thank you for your kind comment. I'll look into it.

Sage111 58M
3 posts
7/24/2005 5:51 am

Well done you have ventured where I would love to go. I hope you find what makes and keeps you forfiled

HughJarse2000 47M

7/25/2005 7:47 pm

Bravo !!!

How wonderful to discover in such a conquering way a side to you that had lay hidden for so long.

Sorry to hear about the marriage . Happens to most of us these days. But there is plenty of life after marriage as you are obviously about to discover.

Good for you. Welcome to the blog. Keep us all updated. Great read.


1hotred 55M
4 posts
7/26/2005 5:16 pm

a lot of people find out what their true inhabitions are they leave a loveless marriage. yours is not the first, so enjoy yourself.

angelwise 46F

8/21/2005 10:45 pm

Your comments are interesting but no comment has attampted to answer my original question of: "Am I so different?"


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