Therapy Has Taught Me That It's All Your Fault!  

angelofmercy5 59F
12148 posts
8/17/2006 4:32 am

Last Read:
8/27/2006 5:56 am

Therapy Has Taught Me That It's All Your Fault!

A lady took her problems to the psychiatrist. "Doctor, you have to help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so every time I date a nice man, I ended up having sex with him. Afterwards, I feel depressed and guilty about it for a week."

"I see", said the psychiatrist. "No doubt, you'd like me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter".

"For God's sake NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I don't feel guilty afterwards!!"

I had my first therapy appointment yesterday! I'm not sure that I'm going to like it though. First of all, I didn't sleep at all the night before.....and there is not such thing as a therapy "couch" there. You don't lay down and talk to the doc! lol And second.....there is that tendency for a psychiatrist to help you find someone to blame for your troubles.

I refuse to blame my husband for the way I react to his own internal anger. THAT IS HIS PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH! My problem is learning not to feel that 'little girl' inside of me panicking when he gets this way........just like I felt when my parent's fought. I think I made that clear yesterday......I hope I did. The only other time I tried therapy, the first thing the therapist told me was that I should leave my husband.

I don't know about you.....but I've spent alot of years loving this man. He's not perfect....but for God's sake, neither am I!!! It would be a perfect world I guess if we could just shed whatever skin we're not happy living in, wouldn't it?

Have you ever been to therapy? Were you there to work on yourself, or find someone to blame for your problems? In the words of Dr Phil...... "How's that workin' for you?"

freetime648 52F

8/17/2006 5:08 am

I have been.....years ago and it was for the sake of me! There was no "blaming" another because we both knew who was to blame! He was the purpose of going in the first place. I hated therapy but when I learned to trust the therapist, I began feeling more in power of me!!!

I hope it all works out for ya

xx FREETIME648 xx

JazzDlight 59F

8/17/2006 5:34 am

Yes I have in the past and like I said before in one of your other posts it might take some time to find a good fit with a therapist. There are many good ones out there not just head doctors aka medical doctors like you are going to. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor because they can prescribe medication but there are therapist out there that are not allowed to prescribe meds they are just therapists and help you through your problems. A good therapist does not place blame but helps you to work through the things going on in your life and tries to help you work out the kinks. But you are off to a good start by going and taking that first all important step. I wish you well and good luck. Hugs, Jazz

rm_shagknight 47M
67 posts
8/17/2006 5:52 am

Been through counseling, but not therapy. Counseling was good because I said things that I would never say "one-on-one."

I think the best therapy is to "vocalize" your frustrations in blogs, or other forms of "print" -- i.e. a journal.

I have noticed that when I wrtie someone while angry, and then go read it later, I realize how trivial it actually is.

I have also been able to "voice" some things while typing that I could never do audibly.

I have actually written the "you hurt me, and this is how" emails and gotten good results. I suspect you have done the same.

Life is a cycle. Some of them you can break, others you may have to live with.

free2chose2 66F

8/17/2006 5:58 am

Been there for me. Once I took my mother with me, I made a statement which the Doc didn't comprehend(may have been cultural differences)he asked my mother what I meant. She said "She(meaning meant exactly what she said".Last time I went.

Don't worry, be Happy

ilsgicemru 72M
2822 posts
8/17/2006 6:10 am

..................... Angel

Yes .. I have been to several therapists !! .. I have been fortunate to find just the right therapist that I needed at just the right time in my life !! .. I didn't like a few of them but even that taught me something about myself !!

I have made the best progress with "group therapy" !! .. There is no adjenda in group therapy !! .. You just listen to what others have to say and then respond with your own thoughts !! .. I have had some major breakthrough's in group therapy !! .. Amazing what I have heard myself say !! . Lol .. I still go to 'recovery meetings', which are like group therapy without a paid therapist ... Costs a buck to go !! .. I learn a lot about the person who is in ALL of my personal and work related 'relationships' ..... Me !!!

I wonder if you would visit my current post Say Something Nice !! and see what you think !! .. Trying to spread some "warm and fuzzies" around the blogs !! .. If you think that it is a good thing to do .. Could you put a link to that post in your next blog post ?? .. All of us bloggers could use a little positive reinforcement once in awhile and maybe with your help we can all get some of that !!

Thanks for your help !!

...................... ils

rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
8/17/2006 6:15 am

I have been to therapy many times over the years as I had alot to work through from the I experienced. I learned some things over the years about finding a great therapist. One is that not all are created equal and doctors don't usually know how to pick them by the way. What you need is a therapist that will help you deal with trauma, codependancy and grief. These things should be the therapists specialties...and if you can find someone who also has an element of spirituality and or expressive therapy, I think you'd get alot out of those additions on a personal level...that it would add depth to your treatment that would really help you. If your therapist doesn't specialize in these things, you'll find yourself doing what you did on the first appointment...correcting them.

The other things is...? find someone with at least 15 years experience. Don't go for the ones fresh out of school. There are many who are good fresh out of school, but most of the time they are children with degrees. Their life experience rarely makes them mature enough to help women of our'll just find yourself wanting to spank them. LOL!

Good luck.

Oh! are right you do have to take a look at yourself first...but there is an element of abuse in such self destructive outbursts by your husband. He's not abusing you on purpose, but he is purposely not taking meds until he gets sick, has an episode that is embarrassing and scarey...and destructive to property and your trust in him. That's abusive...and he does need to be held accountable for that. That's where the stiffened spine comes in. It's not about blame. It's about accountability. He's responsible for his impact on you...but you are responsible for your own emotions and for how you handle this. Two sides to the street and you have to share it....and then you are both responsible for how you change it.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....


horny4770 60M
8158 posts
8/17/2006 6:26 am

Been twice...first and the last. That sort of thing isn't for me, but I know it can help. I was pressured into going by my sons and maybe got the wrong therapist; we clashed...but then I was clashing with pretty much everyone back then. Should have shopped size doesn't fit all.

Give it some time and good success to you both!


Glimmer_Man06 47M
3308 posts
8/17/2006 6:29 am

I never have been able to understand why people go to therapy in the first place. I went once, a long time ago. When I went in the office of the therapist, I sat down, and he said "so, what is the problem". I told him what was bugging me and he siad"how are you going to fix this problem?". Excuse me, I said. I am here for YOU to fix it, or give me pointers. After that, I left. I fixed the problem myself, and since then always tend to my problems myself. I dont believe that any one can fix someone elses problems. I just dont. YOu just have to take control of you, concentrate on what is REALLY important, and let the bad shit drift out of your life. Works every time for me.

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!

electriccompany 53M

8/17/2006 6:39 am

I think the real question you're asking is : If ElectricCompany were my therapist, how would things be different?

Answer: The lobby wouldn't have one of those "Hang In There, Baby!" posters of a kitten in a tree. There would be a poster of Ward and June Cleaver and June would be saying,"Geez, Ward! You sure gave it to the Beaver last night!" There would be a big, comfy couch. Since I would be a trained professional doctor, you would completely disrobe before taking your place on the couch before I "got all Freudian" on you.

Q2: What would be the same?

A2: As a trained professional doctor, I would tell you lies like, "This isn't going to hurt a bit". And you'd still be getting screwed for $120/hour.

(Just kidding! Seriously, stick with it for a few more sessions. It may take a few sessions for some progress to occur. If no progress within that time, try a new therapist. I hope all goes well in the long run. Yes, I have had some therapy. It didn't change other people, but it showed how I needed to change. After I changed, it changed the way others reacted to/around me.)

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
8/17/2006 7:01 am

I have been there and it helped me through some extremely
difficult times...more than once. I'm not into blaming
anyone..and today in my life that includes me also.

There is great power and peace in acceptance...
in choices as well You are on the right track, Angel...
and yet you know to keep moving'

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

DiscreetFunCMH 50M

8/17/2006 7:29 am

Did the marriage counsiling thing for a brief period. The problem was my wife was still having the affair at the time so we weren't working on fixing the marriage as much as I felt like it was a bitch/gossip session where I reported on what the hell she'd been up to for the week. No working on me, no working on "us", just an hour where I could vent and it be kept confidential.

Bottom line, it was a bunch of BS in my case.

Hope your experience goes much better

tadpudgy 56M

8/17/2006 7:35 am

Yes. Have been and still do. No, i have never, nor will i ever, blame any one else. I didn't have perfect parents or sisters. Who did? I am leary of 'abuse excuse', and the 'repressed memory' syndrome. Are there victims? Certainly. I know the premise of therapy is to identify issues and attempt to begin a healing process. I am glad you have tried so hard to to do your best with your husband. Many would have given up by now. I think you will know if the situation deteriorates to the point that you know that you have to leave. Till then, HUG=GASMS!!!

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

8/17/2006 7:40 am

This is going to sound contrary to what others are saying but Thats how its....If I want to chew my emotional cud with another, I"ll just go to a bar and get drunk... No way that shit is a waste of time. Those people are way more fucked up than the rest of us. How do I know, I went to one right after my Dad died for depression,4weeks later he killed himself. All you can do with the Little Girl with in, is to embrace her and not denign her fears, reassure Her every thing will be O.K. and that she is safe, that You are here, Your adult self to protect Her. Love and reassure those fears of Hers away, as that is part of what self love is all about, Loving your weakness as well as your strengths...Oh well thats my two cents worth and hey that was free....Save your self the money and go buy that little Girl something Shes always wanted but couldn't have....Ready


ZZ_Todd 59M

8/17/2006 8:21 am

When the symptoms of manic-depression finally got to the point where even I had to look seriously at it... "Mood Swings" - eh? So what, right? Well, that's when it was finally diagnosed bi-polar disorder. I saw a guy at the VA hospital for a couple years; he helped me to understand the condition better, helped to believe that it wasn't my fault... helped me recognize when I was heading in one direction or the other. Yes, it was a good experience for me. (Thanks, Floyd... wherever you are now!)

Looking0100 54M

8/17/2006 8:26 am


I will be deleting my account (including the entire profile) on this web site on the night of August 24th.

That will be the end of this profile.

rm_SWSunset64 51F
3940 posts
8/17/2006 8:43 am

No. I have never been, but have been told I should see a therapist. I have a difficult time sharing my feelings with people I don't know very well. I find talking to friends works good for me. But that isn't the same or is it?



firestarter665 42M/39F

8/17/2006 10:11 am

I had mentioned in one of your previous posts that I did go through therapy. I did it for me so that I could be the best me possible. At times I think that I still need it, but finding a therapist covered by insurance is difficult.

DiscreetFunCMH 50M

8/17/2006 10:31 am

    Quoting firestarter665:
    I had mentioned in one of your previous posts that I did go through therapy. I did it for me so that I could be the best me possible. At times I think that I still need it, but finding a therapist covered by insurance is difficult.
Finding insurance that covers therapy is just as difficult if not worse.

AstirRelicLatah 64M
1993 posts
8/17/2006 10:46 am

Lovespell gave great advice. I would just add one thing, take responsibility for what you want. I think it's very important for you to communicate clearly with the therapist about what your expectations are. Then, you have to make sure they stay with your agenda. If they stray, ask them how what they're doing fits in with your needs. And, yes, I've been in therapy from time to time, mostly around a traumatic experience that happened when I was 21.

penguinluvr 58M
1084 posts
8/17/2006 12:39 pm

As a recovering military brat, I was offered individual and group therapy. The individual therapy helped some, group helped a bunch more. Just knowing I wasn't the only person as screwed up as I was helped a lot. I still can't remember names for love nor money, though, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. My wife still gets upset when I forget her name. But with the problems I had before, combined with the brain damage from the wreck, I'm lucky if I can remember my own name some days.


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/17/2006 1:24 pm

I've always considered psychology to be on par with astrology in terms of scientific merit. Both can be used to accurately predict things, but rarely with 100% certainty.

I've never been to a therapist, and I never intend to go to a therapist. I feel if I can figure out my own problems, I'll never get past them.

sunshinekzn 58F

8/17/2006 1:26 pm

I went 2 weeks ago so I know what you are speaking about. I was a nervous reach. She kept on telling me that she was proud of me and that I need to let the anger I have suppressed for so many years come out. Easily said but not done!

rm_Shortdogg65 51M
672 posts
8/17/2006 1:48 pm

Therapy? Never tried it. I find the everyday madness to be somewhat enjoyable most of the time. It keeps the world from driving me completely insane. Anyway, good luck. Shortdogg

rm_pagan380 65M
4405 posts
8/17/2006 1:56 pm

This is therapy, you talk to us, we listen. We talk to you, you listen. Keep talking.

Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.


spacecadet561 60M

8/17/2006 2:48 pm

I did a few sessions of counselling while an undergraduate. It didn't help. What helped was a professor pointing out that most of my friends were in one or two particular student organizations. I started paying more attention to them, and ignoring the jerks, and was much happier for many years.

"Your mileage may vary", as they say in the fine print. Sometimes counselling with a spiritual dimension can be more helpful than a purely clinical approach. It may also help to get your husband into some sort of counselling. It sounds like he may need some reminding that he is still of some use in this world, and not just an old worn out heap ready for scrapping and recycling.


complexlysimple 34M

8/17/2006 3:06 pm

just on one occasion ...odd thing is I eneded being told that I should be a bit more selfish and think more of what I want... other than that about the only part was me just talking ... that and remembering the shrink seeming to get a bit excited that I had/have learned to shut out all emotions when I need to ...I can't remember what the term was that he had used ... but the reaction he had made it seem like it wasn't something that is that common ....

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/17/2006 3:20 pm

i never had therapy. kisses.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/17/2006 3:21 pm

so, i guess it's still all my fault!... lol...
more kisses.


8/17/2006 3:39 pm

Seeking therapy now.. the ins. makes it so difficult.. but still trying..the advice i'm getting is make sure you are comfortable with who you choose..
I had one session years ago.. it was like he was reading from a text book..
best wishes and huggssssss

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

luvtolick64154 62M

8/17/2006 3:51 pm

Well Angel, Yes I did and no it did not help. Did the antidepressant drugs to, like wise, didn't help. For me it was a matter of figuring out what I really wanted and letting go of the other bull poop. I can not fix the problems of the world, but I can reach out to one person at a time. Is the cup half empty or half full, by all means fill the cup up again and have a big drink.

redrobin012057 60F

8/17/2006 3:58 pm

I cut myself as a teenager,there were 2 reasons why I did it.I had lost my mother and wanted badly to be with her.....secondly, I did it for attention.When I saw my blood coming from body that I cut,I was hysterical.Took an overdose of pills,I was on the road of self destruction,I felt unloved,the person I loved the most was taken from me,lots of unanswered questions,no rational answers were to be found.Not even a *shrink* helped me(betrayed I felt, what I had said to him,was inconfidence,was repeated to the Housemother at the time.....I was a product of the State)

rm_aWench4U 61M/61F
741 posts
8/17/2006 4:12 pm


I have been in therapy several times, including the present. Each time I was dealing with different issues. My currrent therapist pointed out that they were all related, and so I'm finally working on the root: me! What a shock, huh? No blaming anyone else for teh choices I made, and the reactions I've had. The good news it that I feel like I am finally making progress and getting somewhwere with my life. I wish you all the best in finding a good therapist and working on the root issue.

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


PlaynAgain 54F

8/17/2006 4:35 pm

I've been in therapy several times, some unofficially as my mom was a therapist and seemed to like "practicing" on my brother and me. Sometimes I found it helpful and sometimes I didn't, depending on the "fit" with the therapist. Mostly I see them as objective sounding boards to help you see where you're fooling yourself or what you're hiding from yourself.

"Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain."

rm_DarknStar 54F
2823 posts
8/17/2006 5:02 pm

Yes I have been to Therapy before..and I HATED IT!......Never went back....After theY say something DUMB to me!.

TzarsAmuseChant 41M
2854 posts
8/17/2006 6:18 pm

To fully understand my opinions concerning therapy, you must examine the word "therapist." Once we break it down into its root words, its true meaning becomes quite clear:

The *

take their science with a grain of salt, dear. get a second opinion before you agree to go on ANY medication.

SingleWarrior 52M

8/17/2006 8:52 pm

A therapist led my ex down the wrong path, and it helped lead to the end of our marriage.

I've posted about it before, and it's one of the main reasons I don't like them.

They rate right under blood sucking lawyers

twirly_girl 47F

8/17/2006 10:07 pm

I've never had therapy. I already know what they would tell me.
Quit your job, get laid and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I have issues.


florallei 99F

8/17/2006 10:39 pm

Hi Angel,

They do serve their purpose. I think though some who seek their help don't stick it out and try to really find out the deeper issues that go long way back.
We human beings are a complicated machine with multi level complexities. Our issues can't be solved in months or even years but sometimes decades depending on the problems.
Our healing process is a continuance of our growth and understanding of who we are and how we can be more wiser and successfull in managing our lives.
Good Wishes to You!!!

Fox4aKnight1 43F

8/18/2006 2:49 pm

I been going to therapy on and off for yrs .......I just use it as a guide post to what I need to work on next .....after all that is what it is for....

HighPocKets1938 78M

8/18/2006 3:55 pm

One of the best therapists that has ever lived was my grandfather. His philosphy on life was very simple and he drilled it into me.
1. Don't blame anyone else for your own mistakes.
2. If you F*** U*, admit it to yourself first then own up to it when the time comes.
3. If it ain't broke- Don't try fixin' it, if it is broke- Did you break it? If you did- then YOU Fix it and If you didn't- leave it alone, you will only make it worse.
5 (his greatest thought on life was-) "Anyone that goes to a "sicker-tricker-trist oughter have their head examined."

Most of the times that I have needed any therepy in the issues that confronted me, I just found that the person that was "supposed" to be there to help were even more screwed up than I was. I still rely on what an old "uneducated very wise man" told me.... Do what you can, with what you have and if it still isn't good enough for you, you don't need it or really want it.

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
8/18/2006 4:24 pm

Dearest Angel...FINALLY...I think I can actually help YOU...and give you the gift of peace. I too got sick and tired of going to see the perfect "therapist" only to have him tell me over and over again, "You have to leave your husband, you have to get him out of your life."...Well, NO FUCK...I knew that, but what I really wanted to know was...WHY? What was it in me that allowed him to abuse me? If I left him, what would keep me from making the same mistake again? The great therapist just couldn't seem to grasp those concepts...and so...I quit.

And then, through a series of unconnected incidences, on my 40th birthday, I ended up in the home office of a woman who changed my life. Though a mainstream, licensed therapist - she was also very much into homeopathic healing and used all mediums to help me find the courage to open the horror filled doors in my mind. In 9 mo's she did more for me than any of the other dozens of therapist ever had. Know why? She LISTENED to me, she VALIDATED me, she BELIEVED in me. I owe her my life.

Call me darling Angel and let me give you this gift too. Merci!

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

Dalmy67 48F

8/19/2006 9:29 am

OMG!!! I went and it was amazing the difference it made in me after just one appt. After finding out my lover had been carrying on with other women and lying about our realtionship for pretty much 2 entire yrs I was wrecked. I can't even remember what the counselor said to me, but it was enough that I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I could relax and smile and I no longer felt like I was one step away from oblivion. And I went for me, not to blame all my problems on my lover. I had to sort out alot of other stuff I feel had just accummulated. Finding out the man I loved was a mastermanipulator was just the last straw I think. Give it a shot and just keep an open mind!!!

somethingelse40 75M
14676 posts
8/19/2006 1:45 pm

Neither science nor psychiatry alone can explain the universe: Please bring whatever sense you can to your local shaman. POT-SHOTS NO. LOST.

theboredwife 63F
118 posts
8/19/2006 2:23 pm

I have never been to therapy but am trying to find a way to ask my husband if we can go to counseling. I am pretty sure he will say no. But I think we need to.

lovemetouchme5 51F
2102 posts
8/19/2006 7:43 pm

I have been to a therapist a few times in my life...Usually over the men in my life. During my first experience, the person tried to "get to the root" of the problem by talking about my parents. I never went back to her. The second time was when a man manipulating me and made me lose my teaching job. She blamed him for my problems. The last time was after I had hubby arrested. The therapist was wonderful this time. We did talk about my husband, but she concentrated on me for the most part.


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
8/20/2006 7:01 am

never been as an adult twice as a kid,the first one i liked he was great fair enough i was only 12 but a serious bed wetter lol ,the next time at 15 after i had tried to end my life so i had to go and as usually the arrogance of youth i refused to speak with him and my dad spent more time than me with him just shows who had the problem,but after that my Dad was more open with his feelings and muchmore loving which did help me long term.

Would i see one as an adult,i've thought about especially over babies and stuff and the mad black moods i get,but i know they will give me meds which i hate,so i battle the demons alone,i talk to my self often great ,wonderful arguements at times and if you could hear it ,you would laugh,also writing stuff down helps,long before blogs i would rant on paper and after seeing it in black and white 9/10 i would feel so much better.

Each person has there own way of doing stuff,while one may need a doc,or meds others just muddle on,no way is more correct than the other.

I'm a

i'm here to stay

ButteryDelight 58F

8/20/2006 10:24 pm

yes, i've been through therapy. i had a mental break down in college. i felt that everyone would be happier if i was not around to mess up their lives so, I tried to kill myself several times and almost succeeded. Though, i believe it is called a "psychological break" now, instead of a mental break down. Terminology changes.

Anyway, i don't ever want to get that depressed again. i protect myself now and back away from situations when i feel myself becoming too depressed.

Buttery Delight

rm_zard999 50M
5 posts
8/22/2006 2:23 pm

mmmmmmm well i dont know ! dose a sike word cont lol pot my self in 1 just to see if i waz crazy lol,waz there for 6 mouths i found it waz just what i needed a good rest .the DOC say that me not crazy .. i waz just lost in my oune world well i gess i still am lol

(Princess Lips)

8/23/2006 9:50 pm

listen to your inner therapist


waldstille2 59M

8/24/2006 4:04 am

I started psychotherapy after a love affair ended that I had considered very promising, and I didn't understand why. I went with the idea of adding the one piece that was still missing (at that point I was feeling very good about myself, and thought I deserved a good relationship – at last!). I asked all my friends for recommendations and came up with a good list of therapists of different kinds (this was in Paris, France); I went to see them all and chose two (yes, two). After about six months, whittled it down to one.

The therapy I did was a combination of individual sessions and groups (one live-in weekend a month + a 5 day in the winter + an 8 day in the summer). To me, it was the school where I finally learned the important things in life (I had spent more years than most people in universities in different countries and among other things I had read dozens of books on psychology and psychoanalysis, including the complete works of Freud). The therapy took more than ten years, but it was worth every minute and every cent. I came to an understanding of myself and of how the human mind functions that I could never have acquired in any other way. It gave me a basis for spiritual development that otherwise would have been a sham (in my case).

I should say clearly however that the therapy I did was exceptional, both in its aims and in its quality. I don't think I could have gotten a tenth of what I got elsewhere, or at least not with 99 out of 100 therapists (I am well versed in the literature and know a great number of therapists, my ex-wife among them).

Therapy starts with our immediate problems. If after improving our immediate situation we continue the therapy, we begin to realize that we react and act the same way in all situations (even though these look completely different and unrelated). From there, we begin to see the particular structure of our unconscious mind (different with each person), to understand our fantasies/desires/dreams and their origins, and to distinguish between these and the reality of who we are. Gradually we push back the boundaries of the unconscious mind through increasing consciousness. This is necessarily a long process, but I know of nothing more interesting in life.

rm_CurvynCuddly 29F
36 posts
8/24/2006 3:14 pm

I've been to a pychologist before. A couple eyars ago I got into a black mood and, well, it didn't end. Since serious depression (as wella s other fun mental conditions) run in my family, my mother would always trya nd get me to see a psychologist. For the longest time I wouldn't though, because the only time she would mention it was when i managed to piss ehr off, so it was like it was something bad, something you had to do ebcause there was something wrong with you, because you were broken.

Eventually I agreed to go, if only because after a year of being in an absolute funk you're willing to try just about anything. My first psychologist was a tiny, wizened up old lady. Which was probably a good thing, since I don't open up well to men, and women my own age who aren't my friends make me a little bit defensive or aggressive. I guess my main issue was that I didn't tlak to people. Ever. Not about anything important anyway. When I was younger, after my parents first split up, one of my aunts who's a psychologist suggested to me that maybe there was another little girl inside of me, and that maybe she was sad and would like to talk about why. I guess that approach works on little kids. I told her that there was another little girl, but she was down in the basement, and she wasn't coming up.

I guess it's part of always being the stoic one. Of not complaining, of being strong and keeping what was left of my family together. I figured telling other people my problems would only make their lives tougher. And also I guess there was a part of me that didn't trust people not to just leave me. After all, if my own father would do it, what was to stop anyone else?

I don't think psychologists can 'fix' you. But they can help teach you how to think. Not on purpose sometimes. I learned to anticipate what mine was going to say. I guess that's bad because I tailored my answers for ehr, but it also taught me to be objective about things, to step back and look at the bigger picture. And how to communicate how I felt about things, at least a little.

Anyway, that's all i have to say, started out as my two cents, i think I'm up to two dollars though!

DeledBasksClaps 78M

8/24/2006 4:17 pm

Been there done that & I'm still doing it. I have just ended a two year battle with depression which I've be fighting for over thirty years.

No one can help you with anything unless you admit you have a problem and are willing to fix it. Takes a lot of work in my case. Every day I have to decide which road to take. Some days I take the high road and some days I don't even take the first step.

Drugs will not your problems go away. You must live every minute of your life as though you could fail at any time. If you fail get up and try again.

IamWetFire 52F

8/26/2006 4:00 pm

Yes, I've been through therapy 3 times. All three were to work on myself. The first happened when my ex-husband (Toad of Darkness) was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and failed to respond to the first 2 rounds of chemotherapy. The second was at the end of our marriage as I tried to deal with why he felt compelled to cheat so profligately on me, then and beat me when I confronted him. This last round was due to losing my job thanks to a work-related back injury and harassment on the job.

I learned that I was allowing myself to be victimized because I always wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they manage to cut my throat. It's taken a lot to shut off that natural instinct to comfort and rescue--and it still shows up all the time--but at least I've learned how to employ it selectively.

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
8/26/2006 10:15 pm

I've done it off and on since college--1968....

A lot depends on the fit between the therapist and patient. I've had therapists that I've been very comfortable with, and others that I've had no rapport with whatsoever. It also helps if you can get a feel for how it works, and then to determine what you want to accomplish. I can readily believe that it isn't going to be any use to someone who goes in not wanting to be there, and resisting the process.

My last one was excellent.. it's the first time I've "graduated" out of it for having accomplished the goals I'd set when I started, and not having any new goals.

On the other hand, I also attended "couples therapy" with xgf's therapist. While she did have a number of useful suggestions on how to communicate, I still believe that she encouraged xgf in a lot of directions that will only lead to sorrow and disappointment down the line. Said therapist also had an ongoing agenda from the very beginning to get her to leave me. It was a running joke between the two of us, right up until she actually left, leaving me wondering when things changed.... her only excuse was "I changed my mind."

When xgf was still married, her husband started counseling, she went to a couple of the sessions. It became evident to her immediately that the husband had not been at all honest with the therapist, and that the therapist had no idea what his problems really were (he had been diagnosed as bi-polar and was a compulsive liar. I'm not even sure he knew what was true. The last time she saw the therapist was at the husband'd funeral, after he'd shot himself in the head. The therapist admitted that she had absolutely no idea he was so disturbed. But then, I think he was only in therapy because he was trying to salvage the marriage after it had already been destroyed. He had no interest in getting better, which is why he killed himself when he finally got it into his head that she wasn't coming back.

cplkaotic 67M

8/27/2006 4:14 am

I am fortunate to know a therapist, whom I trust, I have only been to see her once. I never thought I could pour my heart out to a woman therapist,I found out otherwise, I think this world would be a better place if men let their inner feelings surface and talked about them rather than repress them

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