The Dash  

angelofmercy5 59F
12148 posts
8/10/2006 10:37 am

Last Read:
8/23/2006 8:55 am

The Dash

If you've been reading my blog this week, you will know that I have been heart broken over my husband.....who, while not suicidal, has stopped all medications and indicated that he has lost the will to live. Oh....he told me that he loved me when he kissed me goodbye this morning. But it was as flat and devoid of emotion as I've ever seen him before.

My husband had a car accident this morning on the interstate. His car is totaled and he had to sit for more than an hour before they could get him out. He says he's okay.....just very shaken up. I was on my way to make the 90 minute drive to get him when he called back to say that they had given him another car and he would drive himself home.

I had to ask........
I felt terrible doing it.
But I had to ask........
did he do this on purpose? But he said straight from his heart that he had not.....and that he was lucky to be alive. So, my hope and my prayers are that he remembers whats really important in this life....and that we really only have a very short time to spend our "dash".


I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the the end.

Ne noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears
But he said what mattered the most of all
Was the dash between these years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Knew what that little line was worth.

For it matters not how much we own
The cars....the house....the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider whats true and real
And always try to understand
How other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives.
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
May only last awhile.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

1996 Linda Ellis are you spending your "dash" today?

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
8/10/2006 10:46 am

Now forgive me my special friends if I go out and live my "dash". I want to kiss my grandkids.....pat the new baby still in my daughters belly....and tell everyone that I love them. I love all of you! You have all made such a difference in my life! Go! Spend your "dash" wisely!!!!!!

a123rat 49M
1113 posts
8/10/2006 10:48 am

Today is a mad dash to get done all I need to do.
But tonight when I get home, I'm gonna take a little extra time to hug my loved ones. Thanks for reminding me.

Be sweet, aRat.

florallei 99F

8/10/2006 10:49 am

Hi Angel,

It must have made you sick about your husband's accident. Are you alright?
I am such a different person now Angel than I was even several years ago. I live my love responsibly but with fun and anticipation of what I can explore and taste and feel. I was re-born and my true authentic self came out years ago and I love Me and I love my life the good, the bad and the ugly.

twirly_girl 47F

8/10/2006 10:51 am

I'm trying to spend my "dash" with as many friends & family
as I can. In the end, that's what matters to me.

Glad hubby wasn't hurt. Maybe he'll get back on his
meds. *crosses fingers*


rm_SWSunset64 51F
3940 posts
8/10/2006 10:59 am

Part of my dash today was spent with my mom when I took her to get hooked up to a heart monitor. Hopefully the doctors can figure out what causes her to sweat whenever does anything physical no matter how simple. She is 84 and in good health otherwise. Now I'm at work checking out can tell how busy I am.



rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/10/2006 11:02 am

Look, his meds obviously weren't doing the job in the first place or he wouldn't have been so depressed to quit them altogether. After awhile brain chemistry can change so they dont work as well, or he has them in his system so long he is becoming immune to them.

He is asking for help by saying he has no reason to live, he needs to be seen by a professional ASAP.

fantasylover_05 62M

8/10/2006 11:04 am

My dash is much brighter since I met you!!

I intend to do all I can to live my dash everyday... with love and laughter and sharing with those I love............

I do so hope maybe today is a turning point for your husband.......................

ps.... the confirmation number for this comment is 777..... I just hope it truly is good luck!!!

love ya

clitalicious67 49F

8/10/2006 11:12 am

Angel I thought the same thing when you said he had had a wreck...but I am thankful it was truly an accident. I am also hopeful that maybe this will shock him back into how lucky he is to have you and your family...and that life is such a gift.



By the way...I love the dash...

digdug41 49M

8/10/2006 11:14 am

I remeber this poem from treatment I never thought to post it I hope that your husband will be ok angel I know its rough sometimes we all go thorough something and they call it life

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_pagan380 65M
4405 posts
8/10/2006 11:23 am

Can you ever be sure it wasn't on purpose, he may not even know. He does need help. He's crying out for it even if it's only with his calmness after such a life rattling insident. Watch him close, and seek help.
We're your friends and will always be here for you but right now, your going have to be there for him. Take control!

Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.


rm_lefever3 52M/54F
16 posts
8/10/2006 11:39 am

sorry for all your going through, just keep your heart open and things will get better,

2943 posts
8/10/2006 11:41 am

Wow angel..thank God he wasn't hurt or anyone else for that matter.
Perhaps this will wake him up to what really is important to him.
It is really hard when you are that down with despair for yourself...been there done that. Please keep encouraging him to seek help...I hope he didn't just stop his meds abruptly himself. That can cause even more have to be weened off of them from what I understand...I wish you all well and you will be in my prayers.

As for my I began new meds myself...I am slowly starting to get my life in order and getting more accomplished day by day.
I feel like I am getting another chance to have a great life so I am really paying attention to it this time. I owe it to myself and to my kids. ((((hugs ya)))


Panthiest 73M

8/10/2006 11:47 am

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    Look, his meds obviously weren't doing the job in the first place or he wouldn't have been so depressed to quit them altogether. After awhile brain chemistry can change so they dont work as well, or he has them in his system so long he is becoming immune to them.

    He is asking for help by saying he has no reason to live, he needs to be seen by a professional ASAP.
I second this. "Feel good" pills have been known to cause greater depression.
Looks like the "Universe" is stepping in here. Hoping that car accident woke him up. I'd take these things as warnings that I'm out of balance and know that if I didn't pay attention and do what's necesary the next warning will be stronger.
Get to a professional and then perhaps take a few days away from job, family, friends and get yourselves[/COLOR] together.

LTsGirl915 34F

8/10/2006 12:19 pm


AstirRelicLatah 64M
1993 posts
8/10/2006 12:34 pm

What an interesting concept, spending the dash....Should I spend it on myself or share it with others? If I share it, with whom and how? If I spend it on myself, will I feel guilty afterwords....This is a great question, one I'm going to have to ponder....I still don't have any advice about your husband...I wish I did, but nothing is coming...I actually think the best thing we can do is just listen....the world works in mysterious ways...(((hugs)))

Panthiest 73M

8/10/2006 12:39 pm

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    Look, his meds obviously weren't doing the job in the first place or he wouldn't have been so depressed to quit them altogether. After awhile brain chemistry can change so they dont work as well, or he has them in his system so long he is becoming immune to them.

    He is asking for help by saying he has no reason to live, he needs to be seen by a professional ASAP.

He might be facing what has been termed, "The dark night of the soul." Some folks call this a "mid-life crises" almost jokingly. But I believe most times it really is the butterfly trying to emerge from their cucoon. The problem is society, friends, family, their entire upbringing tells them to stay in that cucoon, but something inside is trying to force them out. Whatever it is, if it is at his core then there will be changes coming.

I would find a good therapist not just another Fruedian anylist. Check out Radical Therapy and other's on the cutting edge. They can facilitate good changes but he will have to make the core decision to live. You can't force it on him anymore than you can tare the skin off a snake to make it shed faster. And be prepared to be tested. Be prepared to make lifestyle changes. It could get rough, but if you get through it, you will open up whole new levels and fields of intimacy and bonding. If not, then you take what you have learned and start again.
We're all pulling for you and yours. Hang in there kidd-o!

HighPocKets1938 78M

8/10/2006 12:40 pm

"I had to ask........
I felt terrible doing it.
But I had to ask........did he do this on purpose? But he said straight from his heart that he had not.....and that he was lucky to be alive. So, my hope and my prayers are that he remembers whats really important in this life....and that we really only have a very short time to spend our "dash"."

My Special Angel, you both have been given a double blessing, and my prayer for you both is that your life and his can now start from the time you have just been given.

My grandfather, a very wise man indeed, who btw, was raised by his mother in the ways of her Native American ancestors, always told me that, "things always happen for a purpose- to learn to grow, to accept the "gifts" that are there for the taking, to use those gifts to enrich our lives." Your hubby has the means, as do you now, to take this "gift" and build on it.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
8/10/2006 2:19 pm

just glad he is and well for both of you

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_WildBill688 52M

8/10/2006 2:19 pm

Bless you

Just checking your blog out, how about you checking mine?

free2chose2 66F

8/10/2006 3:01 pm

I spent my dash sleeping-(worked last night-now going to see a good friend's new granddaughter-her daughter is visiting from DC area before going back to work.

Hopefully that accident was fate stepping in for your family sake.

Don't worry, be Happy

bigandtallreturn 37M

8/10/2006 3:02 pm

Well, I have a 4-day weekend coming up. So I plan on enjoying that certain "dash"... because trust me, it'll go by in a dash.

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
8/10/2006 3:10 pm

Been working most of the dash away today but now it's time to give out a little luvin''s just the two of us tonight!

I hope things are going better for you and yours...


wickedeasy 67F  
26772 posts
8/10/2006 4:07 pm


but i promise, i'll do better tomorrow

i am so glad he is safe - and i have you both in my prayers

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

spacecadet561 60M

8/10/2006 4:28 pm

Spent a good chunk of it working, then getting car in for replacement part (warranty work, mercifully), then a little window shopping (literally, for the house), and a little clothes shopping (for "herself"), then dinner, now blogging.

I do hope your husband gets himself sorted out soon. He may not care anymore, but you obviously do, and I suspect your children and grandchildren do. You're too young to be a widow.


TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
8/10/2006 4:37 pm

First Angel, I am so glad your husband is ok and to hear he was shaken up...maybe it was a sign to show him how fragile life is and to be thankful for your love and the love of your family. It is so strange how these things happen...

I love Dash..I have never heard that and am going to keep it.
Well, today not much exciting...wish I could be livin' on the edge, lol...but I have 2 young children that need me, and I needed to work today. But I look forward and appreciate every tomorrow, even though the road is not always easy.

Bladesong 40F
476 posts
8/10/2006 4:40 pm

Hi Angel,

I hope that your husband gets better and does think about what life is worth. When I had my last car accident where I almost lost my life it made it sureal for me. I live my life to the fullest every day and take all the blessings I can for I may not be here on this world tomorrow. That's how I live this 'dash' of a life. I also strive to better myself every day that goes by.

~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!

Be Good to those around you!


firestarter665 42M/39F

8/10/2006 4:41 pm

My dash means so much to me. I would do anything to make my dash longer so I can spend more time with my beautiful family and my friends.

I would like to tell you that last year I went through horrific post pardum depression. When I felt that my world was crashing down around me I went and got help. I went through therapy and medication to feel good about life again. I also did it for my husband and kids so that I could give them a wonderful wife and mother.

I hope that your husband can find the strength within to seek help. I also hope that the both of you are alright, physically and mentally.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

rm_Jamie12866 43M
31 posts
8/10/2006 4:52 pm

Hard day 2, had ex wife round 2nite pick up her last stuff, still friends, just some how the spark went out & she left.
Tried to fight to keep her, tried to let her me free, tried to be normal.....
I remmember when we where together I told her "You know what you get with me, I'll always keep you warm with heating & hot water (I'm a Gas heating engineer), my eyes & my boby will never lie they will always tell you if you do look good in that dress, even if my male brain says lie, I always want to make you happy.

I can't do that in marriage any more but seeing her to nite made me happy that I still no her & in a way love her, marraige does that to u... nite & thank u XXxx

mysticdreamangel 61F
2759 posts
8/10/2006 5:15 pm


May you and yours find the strength to get beyond this. My heart and prayers are with you at this time.

To one Angel from Another...


tadpudgy 56M

8/10/2006 5:24 pm

I have a lot of my inner pains that i continue to work on healing. But i promised myself that i was going to take control. My 'dash' is spent looking for reasons to smile and laugh! I want the first and last thing i tell family and friends to be uplifting and an "I love you!" I even want to share Hug=gasms in my posts/comments/responses. I don't any of you personally, but i will extend to you all kindness and hugs each time we correspond! I am on Prozac and blood pressure meds. There isn't a day when i don't grapple with my own demons, but by laughing and smiling and hugging, i make it through the day. HUG=GASMS!!!!

4me_n_269 65M

8/10/2006 5:29 pm

My dash has taken another dip last week I found out that my87 yo mother has Cancer of the stomache , yesterday I was told I had lymphoma on top of the Parkinson that has progressed ,, so I plan on spending more time Living with my wife . Hope everyone else is doing better in Blogville

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
8/10/2006 5:43 pm

Sounds like you got your prayers answered in a very unique way. Nothing wakes a man up to the things in his life he appreciates the most than being confronted suddenly with his own death and then given an hour or two to stew upon it.

rm_devilsgrin69 51M
223 posts
8/10/2006 5:44 pm

My hope and prayers are with you.
My hope, is that his mind was preoccupied, and I pray that the accident was just an accident.

I'm not usually lost for words but...
Between this and amber, i'm not in a great frame of mind

Angel, the devil is thinking of ya.


(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

8/10/2006 6:19 pm

For today I'm fighting off a deep depression, where all this sadness is coming from I don't know...Thanks for reminding me the Dash is worth the struggle from time to time...Ready


40lovesetmatch 59M

8/10/2006 6:52 pm

We are temporal beings. What we see. What we touch. What we smell. What we taste. What we hear. All of these senses are perceptions of what has occurred. The only thing that we have in the present is what we think, and that is fleeting as well. We live moment to moment. We pine for what once was. We stumble over what is here. We plan for what we don't know. We should live in the moment. We should treasure what we have learned. We should look forward to what we will learn. This is the gift of the creator who knew we wanted to be like them.


rm_Happyfree50 66M
76 posts
8/10/2006 6:55 pm


Thanks to the invite to your blog and WOW, what a first thread. I am glad your mate is alive and healthy, though he does not sound well at all. I will say a prayer to the Great Spirit for his return to normalcy and that he begins to understand the great gift he has been given.

I hope too that you are OK. Living with something like that and knowing that nothing you do will ultimately effect the decisions he will make must be as sad as it is maddening. A prayer to GS for you too.

I am an artist at living and my work of art is my life -- Japanese philospher Suzuki. I hope your mate becomes that artist again.


VTLakesideVixen 60F
458 posts
8/10/2006 7:42 pm

Angel thank you for posting "The Dash".

I think I would give your husband the benefit of doubt. I know that when something different but with a similar result happened to me (yes, I obviously survived)
I wasn't intending even to attempt to take my life--I only wanted a little peace and quiet. There was too much loss and stress in my life, but waking up in a hospital with that machine breathing for you--you suddenly have a way of knowing that there HAS to be better ways of dealing with things and you are grateful (if not happy) with having the chance to search for that better way. In the search you both will stumble a lot and falter, but you will find it--or at least enough of it to keep you searching for it.

Today I spent the day with the person who found me that fateful day--
the one that I was trying to escape from--and I think that we are both the better for it.

Please keep blogging on this subject--I know that it's painful--but you don't know how much you may be helping others in a similar situation--giving them the strength to keep searching for help.

Angel, I will continue to pray for both of you--I hope that you will find the peace, strength and help that you need during this time.

Hugs to you Angel!


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
8/10/2006 7:47 pm

He needs an intervention. He needs to be reminded of the people who love him and whom he loves. AND... Saint is spot on right...his meds need a good kick in the ass. I am lifting him up and all of you too. I'll call tomorrow....

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
8/10/2006 11:03 pm

Well, I just spent part of my dash catching up at your blog. Seems I've been away longer than I realized and so much has been happening with you.

I'm really sorry to read about your family and your husband's depression. I'm sorry that you're all suffering this way and wish I could do more than give you only words.

You know I wish you all the very best and hope that things change very soon for the better. You're all in my thoughts sweetie. (((((BIG HUGS))))) Whisper...


8/11/2006 3:20 am

I'm happy your hubby is ok...

I will just be dashing around dancing naked under the stars

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

libgemOH 56M/52F

8/11/2006 3:24 am

I don't blame you for asking that question. It's the first question I thought of when I read this. Thank God and Goddess he is safe!!! And I'm praying for you both that this is the wake up call he needed to get himself back..... -B

bustybettyboop 50F  
59325 posts
8/11/2006 6:08 am

Quoting saintlianna:Look, his meds obviously weren't doing the job in the first place or he wouldn't have been so depressed to quit them altogether. After awhile brain chemistry can change so they dont work as well, or he has them in his system so long he is becoming immune to them.

He is asking for help by saying he has no reason to live, he needs to be seen by a professional ASAP.
i totally agree! i'm so sorry that you are going through and your husband are in my dreams! hugz,lisa

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?

VATraveler1948 68M

8/11/2006 7:34 am

I know that things will work out. I think that your husband has been given a pretty clear wake-up call.

sexyariesgirl 57F

8/11/2006 9:12 am

Angel....many Huggs and heartfelt prayers coming your way! Stay strong sweetie....and spend that dash well darlin....I LOVE that poem!

Power To FOK

aries_flames 48F

8/11/2006 9:50 am

Very nice poem about "The Dash" Angel. I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your husband. I hope things improve for the both of you!

electriccompany 52M

8/11/2006 10:12 am

I'll be dashing off to the liquor store so I can kick back and celebrate finishing the final installment, Fantasy: How I would run my detective agency! (Epilogue). If you need a totally mindless chuckle or two, please go check it out, Angel! (BTW: You were fantastic in it!)

pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F

8/11/2006 10:37 am

As always...I send you our love and concern. {=}

rm_DarknStar 54F
2823 posts
8/11/2006 11:09 am

OMG.....sorry to hear about your hubby...............As for my *DASH*, Im doing that tonight! .......................and as my main DASH, My day off from work and I have my grandaughter today with ME! I miss her so much, now that Im working!


Have a Great Weekend Angel!

EstopBetelRoomy 62M
2 posts
8/11/2006 2:10 pm

Angel, your situation is a tough one. Your husband obviously views the glass as half empty. You have to get creative and introduce him through charity work or volunteerism to people who really have it tough. I know, I have lost all of my living relatives and I still have a positive attitude. My formula for success is one that I know is attainable. "Every day above ground is a great day!" I had my bouts with being negative, and then at 45, I became an EMT Volunteer. Every day it made me appreciate what I did have, not what I didn't have. Good luck.

Juliet610 51F

8/11/2006 7:11 pm

I'm doing the best I can to make the most of my dash. I invest in the lives of my nieces and nephews, my clients, and of course my friends. Today I spent my dash doing laundry--it felt so good to be able to do something normal, even if it took me all afternoon to fold the load.

We're praying for you and your husband. I want you two succeed every bit as much as you want Jason and me to succeed. (((Hugs!)))

nikki_im4u 53F

8/11/2006 8:15 pm

I spend my dash everyday with my 2 daughters and Granddaughter and brandnew grandson. I kiss and hug them so much sometimes they think there is something wrong with mom and gramma, but oh well as long as I keep the dash workin.




8/12/2006 6:28 am

I am so sorry to hear about the troubles, and now the accident. I hope that your husband is truly alright..and that he did not try to hurt himself. Even if he will not seek help, please go for yourself. Don't lose yourself in the fight to keep your husband safe.

A little something to, perhaps, smooth the way.
The Irish have a way with words.
To better times.
As ever was.

May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
when the shadows fall
You do not walk alone.

MWWwantmore 51F

8/12/2006 7:53 am

Sometimes it takes a scare like that to make someone realize how important they are to people. Hopefully he will realize this and try to make things better for himself.

My thoughts are with you and your family

I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!

vrec_dawn 40M

8/12/2006 8:10 am

Holy schiznit!

I'm glad he's alive though.

And you're not crazy for having had to ask. Chances even are that even if it wasn't a conscious decision, the subconscious had a part to play in it.

Demented as it sounds, further, hopefully it's exactly what he needed. You don't always appreciate what you've got until you've lost it. (Or darn near lost it.)

I have to say, when I had my fire, and woke up to turn over and see those flames dancing inches from my face, well, after I settled anyway, I had to wonder how much of it was subconscious desire and not accident. But I also thank the gods every day that I'm still here. It helps put things in perspective, even if it royally sucks.

So hopefully, once he manages to settle, and things start to sink in, it will turn out to be just the kick in the pants he needs to appreciate life, and you, that much more.

ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
8/13/2006 6:17 am

As I read this person came to whose dash (in my opinion) not long was full and will always be remembered for all that it did hold for all that came in contact , with her.
Thank you *hugs) for you and your loved ones

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
8/14/2006 3:50 pm

There is nothing I can tell you of depression that I'm sure you have not already heard. Other than even with the meds I go through the spells like your hubby. Meds were meant to be taken in conjunction with therapy.(if that helps)

As far as the dash goes. I am going to do allot differently now

rm_SusieQ27 46F
2093 posts
8/14/2006 8:57 pm

My maxim is'Do unto others has you would have them do unto you.'

Part of my 'dash' was spent in a worthwhile way...reading your blog.

Luv n stuff {=} Susie {=}

spiderbeetle21 33M
52 posts
8/15/2006 2:55 am

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. How has he been doing?

spiderbeetle21 33M
52 posts
8/15/2006 2:57 am

Oh, thanks for the comment by the way. It means a lot to know that people actually read these things. (encourages me to write more often)

I hope all if well in your world,

rm_aprildawnn 64F
29 posts
8/22/2006 7:10 am

you know the saying
* if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it*

i am wishing you the best and hope that you both make it through this

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