On Inhibitions  

amigabrianr 59M
3 posts
12/31/2005 8:09 am

Last Read:
11/27/2011 11:45 am

On Inhibitions

What is it that makes us shy? Or reticent? Or cautious? These words describe similar reactions to a given situation, but what lies beneath is based on personality (in the case of shyness) or experience. Caution and reticence are usually learned attributes, from a bad experience (like a stock market crash, burned fingers or a bruised heart). Many are born shy and remain that way throughout their lifetime. I was a shy boy, but very few would characterize me that way now. I'm a private person, to the extent that phrase means I prefer intimate dinners over crowded gatherings, solitary activities over group sports, a small group of close friends over a pack of fraternity brothers. And while those are my preferences, a concert in the park or a night at the baseball diamond, or chatting in a public forum aren't foreign to me.

I exhibited these "private" tendencies early on. My early education was not in my hands, but a small catholic school with small class sizes fostered close personal relationships that carried for 8 years or more. But high school was really my first assertion of my desire for closeness and intimacy. I opted to study for the priesthood, foregoing a large high school in Indy and attending a small seminary with less than 100 students in all - my graduating class size was 12. Isolated in a small community north of Cincinnati, I again found myself surrounded by a very finite group of people - people I spent every waking moment with. Classes, work periods, hobbies, hiking, sports and meals. Everything. Those awkward, hormone-filled, adolescent-to-adult chrysalis, body-discovering, emotion-filled, identity-defining years that every teenager goes through. It was a unique experience and one that I would repeat if given the chance. Sure, I missed out on dances and mixers, and those even more awkward boy-girl discovery moments, but I think I learned about a different kind of love, a different state of being, the unconditional love of a person, not for his/her sex or attributes or the way they dress, but for who they are.

College was a fantastic experience. And while the university of choice could not be considered small (Purdue University in West Lafayette, IN), I was lucky enough to share an apartment with my oldest brother who had decided to return to Purdue and get his masters in Sociology the same year I started my freshman year. So, another opportunity to join a large group "thwarted" by the chance to live in a small apartment off campus with my brother.... I fell in love with my brother's girlfriend's roommate, that all-consuming kind of puppy love that fills your every waking moment and clouds your good judgment. The kind that leaves you emotionally devastated when it ends and causes you to vow never to love again. A vow that almost no one ever ends up keeping. I did love again, and again, and again. A fantastic experience? It had its moments - But I dropped out after getting my 2 year degree in electrical engineering. I managed a restaurant in that same college town for 6 years and learned a hell of a lot about life. I discovered my love of computers and all things logical and went back for my bachelors in computer science. With help from my soulmate, and a swift quick in the pants, I knocked myself out to get a 4 year degree in 2.5 years and landed my first job in Columbia, SC working for NCR.

oh boy have I gotten off track. This has turned into a boring biography of my educational years - I apologize. I'll stop here and you can file this under "More than I ever wanted to know about this guy". I promise to work off an outline next time and try to keep to the subject....oh yeah - inhibitions. Guess I've overcome my fear of writing...

audicpl 50M/50F

5/18/2008 10:48 am

Reticent? Your wonderfully uninhibited writing certainly doesn't reflect it. As an Italian priest might say: "I wouldn't give one 'red-a cent' for what other people think of me . . . "

rm_myflako 44M
21 posts
11/2/2009 7:50 pm


tierno con las mujeres, asi hay que ser si son lo mas lindo que Dios nos dio.

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