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Romantic Love is all about chemistry. People either click or they don't. It's a binary state with little room for middle ground. You can love your friends platonically, you can love your family, but romantic love is something altogether different, and its intensity means you have or have not actually succumbed to its workings.
Sexual chemistry, while not as black and white, is very similar.
I've had my modest share of sexual partners, and they've ranged from thin to fat, from naive to experienced, from young to middle aged, and from borderline afraid to utterly uninhibited.
Some have simply not been a good match at all to me. They wanted to speed up, I wanted to slow down, I wanted to go crazy, they weren't there yet, I wanted to come up with a new position even the authors of the Kama Sutra would have blushed at, and they wanted missionary. And those were at least the ones that at least looked at sexuality the same way I did. One other thought sex was simply too shameful. Issues there.
And then there was my wife, who due to trauma, gradually locked sexuality away in a closet, never to be touched except in a functional way.
But I can say that many of my partners have been a good match for me, even though I am far from being a pr0n star quality performer.
And then there was one.
I'll call her Finnegan. Don't bother googling.
We didn't love each other romantically. We were friends. Maybe a little romantic love started to develop out of our sexual chemistry, but given where we were in our lives when it all happened, romance never had a chance.
Sex with Finnegan was simply amazing. She lacked the shame that others I was with had around our time of our dating. And through her self assuredness, any inhibitions I had also went out the window. Screaming in orgasm was not out of the question. Screwing until we were both dry, but still horny, was the norm.
It was with Finnegan that I for the first time managed to screw all night long. She amazed me. I get erect just thinking about her, even now, years later.
Her oral skills were what won me over. Prior to her, I had been with women who swallowed, while most did not. But never before had I been with someone who not only swallowed, she devoured. Here was a woman who completely enjoyed pleasuring a man. She got off on it as much as I did. I remember looking down in amazement. How was it possible I'm getting hard again, so soon after erupting like there was no tomorrow? I could never have sex again and consider myself experienced, and yet, here we go again.
And intercourse was incredible.
Women, know this. Just as every man's penis is different, every woman's vagina is different as well. I've been inside of women who, thanks to Kegel, were so tight that it was almost painful to penetrate. I've been inside pussies that were mushy and moist. And past those external muscles, the inner sanctum is different in all as well.
Finnegan was perfectly made for me. She was tight but yielding. Her muscle control was exquisite. During orgasm, her vagina's outer muscles would shake while her inner chambers would almost expand like a balloon, sucking the semen right out of me, as if someone had taken the perfect mouth and transplanted it. And I guess I was right for her as well. While missionary would have me penetrating downward, practically every other position we used would have my head rubbing her G-spot on every penetration.
It was with her that I realized that sex could be more than mutual masturbation, but could be a joint endeavor where both people reach heights neither could alone.
And in that way, it wasn't unlike romantic love - two people together exceeding the sum of their parts. (pun?)
So as I go forward, it is looking back on my experiences on Finnegan that give me the goal, the bearing I'd like to head toward. Surely, with my emotional maturity, my ability to decide what I want in my life as I've never been able to do in the past, I'll be able to find that kind of chemistry again. Dumb luck let me experience it before. Surely, somewhat less dumb searching will let me find it again.
10/16/2005 9:06 pm
Ambidext~ Thanks for sharing this story. It's an education and an inspiration. I am currently rediscovering my own sexuality and have been amazed and surprised with what I have learned. Here's hoping you find your new Finnegan and begin again...|