Well...which one is it...?  

amberabercrombie 37F
11929 posts
6/12/2006 3:29 am

Last Read:
7/28/2006 7:10 pm

Well...which one is it...?

I have this girlfriend...she’s the girly girl type to a fault....when we were younger she was always on the phone talking about boys....always knew the latest fashions....the gossip queen if you will....she’s a beautiful down to earth girl...the kind of girl who stands for sugar and spice and everything nice...You never would have guessed this girl to call you one night and say...I think I'm gay....let alone be engaged to a woman many years later.....

Personally I think its great she found love...other friends in our *little circle* are giving her a hard time..telling her how wrong and immoral it is...They seem to forget this is the girl that helped them with their exams....this is the girl that if need be would give them the shirt of her back....this is the girl that stands by everyone and passes judgment upon no one....it makes one wonder...why cant we accept people the way they are and leave well enough alone...?...Why cant some stand by their friends and embrace their choices....what gives one the right to pass judgment upon others....?

What about you....Are you the kind of person to stand by your friend if they told you they were gay....would you love them no matter what...embrace them how they are....or would you tell them how wrong they were and pass judgment upon them...frown at them....Where do YOU stand on the same sex marriage front...?...Does a same sex marriage bother you....What kind of friend are you?.....

TheCliticals 35F/F

6/12/2006 4:50 am

Whats all this fuss about ? "))

We believe that the natural way for everyone to be is bisexual, so who is anyone to judge how your friends love and who they love?

We even have friends who are in hetrosexual marriages


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

6/12/2006 4:57 am

My uncle is gay. He's a great guy. I've visited him in West Hollywood, met his friends, and they helped squash any homophobism I might have had. I'm for same-sex marriage. Two people in love, wanting to celebrate and demonstrate their commitment to each other should be able to do so. How many straight people are hurt or otherwise affected by a gay couple getting married? Zero. I think everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but those who chose to impose their beliefs or morals on others are not worthy of my respect.

rm_kneel_be4me 49M
457 posts
6/12/2006 4:59 am

OOOH a very tough one.... If a male friend of mine came up to me and anounced he was gay....

I would not condem him for it... I unfortunatly do have a hard time dealing with it... that is my problem not his... If that is his choice fine the only thing I ask is not to overwhelm my life with it... If he still acts the same when we are around eachother (he would have to already have a personality that fit in to be called a friend) then there wouldnt be any problems. If he suddenly changed how he acted and who he was then there might be a problem because he has changed from who he was and now he might not fit in any more ( I have had straight friends do that too).

MMM very tough subject... Too early... my brain might explode from being used this early...

whats4dessert2 49M

6/12/2006 5:09 am

To each their own. What do I care what someone does in the bedroom or who they choose to be with. My friends are my friends, unconditionally. Unless they are hurting someone, anyone that puts expectations on how a friend should live their lives is not a true friend.

As far as same sex marriage goes...I'm not against it and I'm not for it. Honestly, it doesn't affect me at all so I don't really care. Each person has a personal definintion of what marriage is to them and if two people choose to call themselves married it doesn't bother or excite me no matter what sex they are

itsallfun1957 59M

6/12/2006 5:52 am

Amber, good post. I would be the world's biggest hypocrite if I did not support them. As far as marriage goes, if they are in love and a couple wants to go down that path then have many wonderful years together, I'm for it.

OK, bump the context up a bit, if you have a child or children and they came out how would you react? Hopefully as supportive as you would for a dear friend. In my mind there's no difference.>>>itsallfun1957

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
6/12/2006 6:00 am

I heard a comment recently that went like this ... Why should gay people be exempt from all the pain and suffering of marriage?

As to how I would react if a friend, say you, were to declare you were gay? Come here, girlfriend, let me help you explore that a little ...

Ok, I'm going to hell. I've know that forever. But love and lust just don't fall into neat categories for me as far as gender is concerned. Some men turn me on, others don't. Same for women.

Go to the damn doc!

rm_Hunkdaddy10 33M
96 posts
6/12/2006 6:07 am

Believe it or not, it's not that uncommon any more. I do think it's easier to accept women doing it than it is for the guys. I have had several friends to come out and I have to admit at first it was weird. Now it's no biggie.
I actually dated a girl for years off and on. She was SMOK'N hot! We even talked about marriage but thought it better we stay best friends. Long story short, she totally hits from the left side of the plate now. It was strange at first but it's sooo nice to see someone you care about be that happy because they are in love. I support her 110% and always will.

Love your blogs amber. Keep em coming.

TabithaElectra79 38F

6/12/2006 6:09 am

I think why should it matter? It is the person you are friends with not their sexuality. I know some people have a problem, but I can't see why myself, surely they have things in their own life they could be concentrating on rather than what someone else is up to!

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
6/12/2006 6:10 am

A friend is a friend...period.

happyladychat 47F
3740 posts
6/12/2006 6:19 am

I love my friends as long as they are kind-hearted.

Make it your challenge.... turn me ON!!

rm_chislut 42F
710 posts
6/12/2006 7:13 am

Unless I'm sexually attracted to a friend, I don't see why their sexual orientation would make any difference to me.

As for gay marriage -- I think the institution of marriage as it stands now is pretty f'd up. But, if we're gonna let heteros mess up their lives, I think we should let the non-heteros do it, too!

earthShiva 59M

6/12/2006 7:39 am

We naturally want to feel attached to those to whom we are close. It is often more difficult to accept anything new that emerges in their reality that conflicts with our own personal reality simply because we see them as part of ourselves. That's just too darn bad for us. They aren't attached to us, nor us to them.

First and foremost, we need to give each friend the freedom to be his/her own person without it being conditioned by our own beliefs. Belief in anything other than the here and now is only a crutch we use to explain the things beyond our experience. If we are capable of true friendship, a direct relationship with another loving human being should trump all dogma.

T_A_B_75 42M

6/12/2006 9:43 am

I like the Cliticals, they make me laugh. Kelli4U2Dew's comment hit the nail on the head. I personally don't worry about sexual orientation, to each their own.

This situation would completely take me by surprise. There are way too many beautiful women out there to look at guys that way, all my male friends agree. The females are all in relationships, most anyway, and the others are always hitting on me.

Outsiders to our group of friends probably wonder at times whether or not we are gay. We are a tight group, and there are lots of us (both genders).

The reason I say this is because I have been mistakenly put in a relationship with one of my girl friends by someone on the outside of the group (this happens quite often). So if straight people make this mistake I'm sure gay people would think the same. I act the same way toward all my friends, male or female.

rm_rlandma 41M/40F
476 posts
6/12/2006 10:01 am

*winks* some of my best friends are gay ...

wanderlust01970 50M

6/12/2006 10:19 am

My best friend in college was gay and came out in our senior year. When he told me, I said to him with a st8t face...don't tell anyone but I'm a hetero, shhh. Well, he and I had a huge laughs, lol! We hugged and remained friends. I'll never understand what the problem is why some people get so wrapped up with this issue. Why can't the right wing conservatives live and let live. Same marriage, no problem!

rm_moonboy23 36M
893 posts
6/12/2006 10:43 am

I really do not have any problem with gay or les .I get on with them and i make it clear I am not bi or gay. some time gay or bi can be very nice as friends.

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
6/12/2006 10:50 am

I'm totally open-minded on the subject. I got along fine with the xgf's oldest sister and all her friends (check out my post Sex and Politics) on my blog for a larger perspective. I've known all types in my life, and I think that the overall prejudice against them is another example of the way that the religious right has demonstrated way too much influence over our environment.

chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
6/12/2006 11:44 am

I think it would be strange for a mate to suddenly confess that he was gay, but I don't think it would be a problem.

Aside from yourself of course, it sounds like your friend might need new mates. Friends are not supposed to judge each other.

I see Bush wants to amend the Constitution in order to ban gay marriage. Are people so unconfident that they need to ban something which should have no effect on them? Are they afraid that everyone secretly wants to be gay and is waiting for official sanction?

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
6/12/2006 11:48 am

My initial reaction would be to shrug and say "ok." I might ask questions as to how she came to that conclusion.

I have no problem with gay people. Their sex lives are their own business, and I don't care to know what they do in the bedroom one way or the other.

The only instance where it would affect my relationship with someone would be if they had developed sexual/romantic feelings for me as a result, which would not be returned because I have no sexual/romantic desires towards men.

nascarmike1957 59M

6/12/2006 12:25 pm

thank you for being sweet.. ty nascarmike2 daytona beach, fl.

puntachueca 105M

6/12/2006 12:57 pm

I just don't get why people get so freaked out at gay people. Love is love. period. I've know a lot of gay couples that were much better people, and more loving towards each other, than most of the hetero couples I've known.

ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/12/2006 1:03 pm

Everyone is entitled to make their own choices. Far be it for me to stand in their way. A friend is a friend no matter what. I would wholeheartedly support them in whatever choice they make.

I am not opposed to same sex Marriages.

rm_cnilingsfan2 48M
158 posts
6/12/2006 1:22 pm

I have grown up with men and women that since school have "come out of the closet" I never cared, a few we just said What took you so long to figure that out
When They asked me what I thought I just asked them. Are you happy because that is all that counts.
We are all in this together gay and not gay

westhill2006 53M

6/12/2006 1:26 pm

Couldn't care less what adults do Amber,their choice.
However,same sex marriages and children,no,sorry...

closer2u1971 46M

6/12/2006 2:36 pm

i would stand and stand tall. i never pass judgement because i carry that feeling with me. if you wish not to be judged then don't throw it around.

nascarmike1957 59M

6/12/2006 3:32 pm

its nascarmike2 .

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
6/12/2006 3:45 pm


I feel if a friend is a friend you accept them as they are no matter what.


NGs_lady / Lady Stee

Straightupugirl 30M

6/12/2006 3:48 pm

People are entitled to make their own choices and live their life on their own terms i think tearing chunks out of someone because they have a different sexual preferance is sad.
I would have to wonder if people like that werent suffering from a low self esteam or identity crisis.
I had a mate at school who was straight he left school and decided he was gay you mean that didnt change my opinions on the dude i still think hes a alright person.

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

6/12/2006 3:53 pm

I have a brother who is gay, and I consider myself bisexual though I do not like labels of any kind. I could see the pain when he came up, so many friends and relatives turned their backs on him, he was so hurt, he is the type who would do anyhting for ya too !! How could people who "claim" to be your friend do that to ya, well who knows for sure, but you are better off without friends like that.

blackleather2006 51M/49F

6/12/2006 4:30 pm

You accept people for who they are - my uncle is gay and after 25 years of marriage to my aunt, came out of the closet and told the family... we still love him, but 2 of his kids don't talk to him anymore... this was 20 years ago!

My daughter recently told me "Mom, I'm so excited! I have a date on Friday! Her name is Ashley!" And she really was excited so I was excited for her... I want her to be happy... whomever she is and whomever she wants to be with.

OOOSupplier 46M
1 post
6/12/2006 4:32 pm

If you can't accept a friend who suddenly tells you that they are gay, then you were never really their friend to begin with, nor are you capable of truly being a friend to anyone. A friend should always be there when you need them.

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/12/2006 4:48 pm

You go girl. Support your friend, and be there for her. When the smoke settles some of the nay sayers will come back to her. One of the basic precepts in the Bible and reflected in our Declaration of Independence is that we are free moral agents. That is WE have the right to choice. If two people are committed to each other, what difference does it make. Once it was race or religion or national origin now its gender. Hopefully this too will pass. I am ashamed that people in this Country would even discuss much less support a Constitutional amendment to TAKE AWAY rights as opposed to the others that increase and protect rights. Closed minded bigots. And most of them are the biggest hypocrites, doing all sorts of things that society views as wrong. The biggest critics talk about AIDS and monogamy, and then oppose the chance for these people to be totally monogamous. Please, go fight something that makes a real difference, like war and world hunger. Let people chose the course of their own lives.
Support them, they are your friends and thats what friends are for.



Djeeper1987 47M

6/12/2006 4:58 pm

I am there friend no matter what. I have a couple of good friends who are lesbian and I don't care. They love each other and thats fine with me.

Carpe Diem

rm_ChiRugger 43M

6/12/2006 5:19 pm

I am all for same sex marriage, however I think we need to change how we benefit those who are married in a tax savings sort of way. We decided as a community to give benefits to those who are married as a way to help them start a family because of the cost of having children. Well now many straight people don't ever to intend to have kids, and some of those who are in gay unions are going to be some of the best parents ever.

I feel people give homosexuality a hard time mostly because of two things fear we all know the fear thing. The jealousy thing is another many people are jealous of others happiness. If people are happy and they aren't they point out whatever is different, and say it's wrong.

trynewthings41 47M
2 posts
6/12/2006 5:22 pm

hi amber,im paul, i just want to say a big thank-you for leaving me a message on my blog, as of yet your the 1st person to do so, so again [COLOR red]THANK-YOU

evil_lolita 34F

6/12/2006 6:03 pm

Been there, done that. I was the first person my friend came out to in high school when he decided it was time to admit he was gay. We all knew anyway, but it was nice when he finally felt comfortable enough to admit it to us.

I'm a good friend. A damned fine friend, if you must have the truth. I think it's because of how my parents raised us - family is everything, and my friends are merely another part of my extended family.

I would love to see everyone out there find happiness and love - whether in the arms of the opposite gender, or the same gender. It makes no never-mind to me. I don't understand the problem that some people have with it, and I don't think I ever will.

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Alberta Nightlife Under 40 - check it out!

TheThunderstorm 61M
33 posts
6/12/2006 6:26 pm

Aloha Amber, thanks for the comment on the Mermaid. Yes I find it breathe taking.

TheLilFondler 33F  
2576 posts
6/12/2006 6:46 pm

well when i was 17 i found out my mom was bi and soon after i found out she got engaged to her lover... to bad things didnt work out... she was an awesome woman and my mom was lucky to have her for the time that she did... i feel it is up to the poeple to decide what is right and wrong for them... not those arounf them... they need to do what they feel will make them happy bot what will make those around them happy!

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....

real36CgirlPA 38F

6/12/2006 7:11 pm

One of my friends came out years ago and it was hard for him to do since we all grew up on a small town area where people got beat up if they didn't fit into a cookie cutter to begin w/... I started asjking him questions about cocks and anal sex right away, of course...lol.

I think as far as marriage goes it should be all or nothing...Let gay people marry or abolish marriage altogether. Otherwise they are making a moral (and dare I say churchy) issue out of something that is really a legal rights issue.

rm_lwyslkng4it 41M

6/12/2006 7:13 pm

I would embrace anyone who is willing to admit to everyone that they are in a non hetero relation, my brother moved to NY to do exactly that. We came from mexico and moved to a small town where homosexuality is frowned upon. He is going to become a famous designer, and is well on his way. Most people who are homophobic, have had or regularly have fantasies about it so they're natural reaction is hate when confronted with it. people are people, get over yourselves.

reverend21 49M
1913 posts
6/12/2006 7:57 pm

The person would still be my friend regardless. Same sex marraige, I don't have a problem with it, but unfortunately the church has to change the definition of the word marraige to accomidate same sex couples. Until then I feel the governments, hospitals, insurance, etc. companies should accomidate them as best as they would any other couple.

JaniSux 44F

6/12/2006 8:50 pm

That's not tough at all for me. I like for the people I care about to be happy and if that is what makes my friend happy, well then more power to her or him!

Obviously in this world, living gay would be more difficult on them than living straight but I will back my friend whatever their decision because that's what you do for you friends.

My mother & I had a lesbian friend, she was a good friend to us, we didn't care that she was a lesbian, as long as she knew we are both straight, but my older sis chose to be an ass and judgemental and say stupid shit to my mother, like she would become gay because of her gay friend. Homosexuality is not a disease and it's not contagious you ass! I wanted to tell her..


helltopay06 32M

6/12/2006 8:54 pm

    Quoting TheLilFondler:
    well when i was 17 i found out my mom was bi and soon after i found out she got engaged to her lover... to bad things didnt work out... she was an awesome woman and my mom was lucky to have her for the time that she did... i feel it is up to the poeple to decide what is right and wrong for them... not those arounf them... they need to do what they feel will make them happy bot what will make those around them happy!
Well, that partly explains why you're so fucked up?! LOL! That should make it easier to make a case for a history of perversion in the family? Hey, because you keep banning me? I am forced to respond to you on others blogs. And now that you're situation is going to be seriously heating up? You might want to keep some things more private. So I would seriously reconsider your strategy when dealing with me?! Who ever you're getting advice from must be a fucking idiot?
I have reviewed the evidence I have against you with an attorney. There is definite grounds for a case against you. If you haven't already, you better find yourself a lawyer! You don't know me or the information I have aquired about you. You have a very serious problem!

jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
6/12/2006 9:05 pm

A true friend is a true friend!!!!!! It would not matter to me one way or the other, it would catch me by surprise that is for sure, but I would still be a friend and the same friend that I always was and supportive. Same sex marriage to tell you the truth it would not change my life I just don't see the big deal. I am happily a girl lover but I know many gays and there is a cute lesbian couple that calls me big brother they are friends and I love them for the people they are and they love me for the person I am. We are all just people trying to live a life that makes us happy what is wrong with that? Nothing! Later girl JD.

intierzha 43M

6/12/2006 9:11 pm

While I do not mind the question, it is a pity the question has to be asked. A very long time ago, I might have thought differently, but I do not anymore. Suffice to say, I have a great many friends and family from a wide range of orientations and I care about them all. How they conduct the business of their life is not that important to me, only that they know I care regardless.

As far as same sex marriage... I feel that regular marriage is a product of social programming, so I am only against it in the since I do not like marriage in general. Still, it speaks volumes of the small-mindedness of this planet that the issue even has to be debated. As hopeful as I would like to be that we can get beyond such things, reality tempers any idealism I would like to have. In the end, I am disgusted that a union of what should be love continues to be abused politically and socially. Disgusted, not surprised, alas.


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

6/12/2006 10:33 pm


Mr. Bambi and I have very strong feelings on the issue of gay rights. We are staunch supports of gay rights, gay equality, and gay marriage.

In a country that was founded upon the principal of separation of church and state, there sure are a lot of "Bible Thumpers" in government. Too bad we can't leave politics to the politicians (take it out of the churches) and leave religion to the churches, masques, and synagogues.

Lady Bambi

Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
6/12/2006 11:26 pm

A friend is a friend....no matter what.

Great post...hope you're feeling better....

NG61....slipping back into the shadows...

CharlesAvalon 57M

6/13/2006 2:46 am

Bloody Hell - you certainly have a following - I'm jealous

I don't mind Gay people - as long as they don't try and feel my arse.

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/13/2006 3:04 am

Love is a wonderful thing whether it's between people of the same sex or opposite, as long as they are 2 (or more...lol) consenting adults I say we need more love in the world. If these people were truly her friends they would be happy that she is happy. Life is too short to judge people. {=}LeeAnn


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
6/13/2006 4:43 am

What about you....Are you the kind of person to stand by your friend if they told you they were gay....would you love them no matter what...embrace them how they are....or would you tell them how wrong they were and pass judgment upon them...frown at them....Where do YOU stand on the same sex marriage front...?...Does a same sex marriage bother you....What kind of friend are you?.....
This goes without saying. Of course I stand by my friends AND my relatives and fully support their choices as long as no one gets hurt.

rm_skyeone2 64M/45F
7186 posts
6/13/2006 6:22 am

If it's wrong to be gay then I'm in deep trouble. I'm bi-sexual, and how wrong is that!?! Whoever is judging your friend should be judged just as harshly for being a (hmmm what's the word, not racist but... damn there has to be a proper term for it!?!)

Ah well, can't think of the words I want, I hate it when words fail me! Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I truly hope your friend can get over the close mindedness of the rest of your group!

Hugs to you and your friend,

Blessed Be

alphuctup 40M

6/13/2006 9:49 am

It seems that most people are saying they'd stand by their friend, and in this case I would agree that is the right thing to do.

But that's because I don't see anything wrong with homosexuality, I believe in free choice, it's not for me personally but each to their own. So in that sense it's not that I'm standing by them as they haven't done anything wrong.

I wonder though where the lines would be drawn? How many of us would stand by a friend if they assaulted someone? How about or murder?

Good question Amber, you've got me thinking hard on this one.

Dildo_replacemen 38M

6/13/2006 2:04 pm

I've only ever had one friend come up to me and say that he was gay. I was very supportive of him, it's completely natural. I think same sex marriage should be allowed and so should all the rights that go with it. I always loved the saying, you don't know until you try... I've tried and I know I'm not, I however consider myself extremely supportive of my friends no matter what sexual orientation, religion, past mistakes, etc!

I'm a friend to the bitter end!

docdirk 47M

6/13/2006 9:44 pm

This is exactly the type of situation that makes me grateful that I don't have any friends!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

rm_lust2u2 51M

6/14/2006 2:00 am

Everyone have there freedom and right to choose. I would support my friends decision, and of course asked if he/she had done a considered decision

rm_SeriousFun2 55M
38 posts
6/14/2006 10:53 am

Friends stand by you. They don't turn on you because you make a choice about your personal life. But then aren't scorpios supposed to be loyal?

Same sex marriages should be allowed. If two gay people want to get married and pay more income taxes than they do as two single people then they should be allowed to.

somethingelse40 75M
14676 posts
6/14/2006 5:05 pm

Please don't ask me what the score is ... I'm not even sure what game we're playing.

lookinaround347 46M
3 posts
6/14/2006 7:01 pm

I am very straight myself and have no interest in other men. However, eash person makes up their own mind about how they want to live their life. I wish more men were gay as they way I think, that would leave more women for me! I have several les friends, even with kids, and have always thought they have been given a hard time for nothing.
To each his own!

dreamswyou 50M

6/14/2006 7:52 pm

How easily people forget!!!!!!!!! (You description of how your friend helped out others before she let it out.)

I don't have a problem with gay people at all. In fact I love bisexual/lesbian women and I have worked with gay men and had no qualms about it.

Just depends where your head is at!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people are closed minded which is a big surprise to me in this day in age.

Now she knows who her TRUE friends are!!!

Judge not lest ye be judged!

I just love your pic!!! So beautiful and sexy!!!!!

OboesHonedIambs 62F

6/14/2006 8:56 pm

Just dropping by and caught this post. I think your friends are being unfair to your other friend. You'd think with all we know about human sexuality and the varietys of sexual identity (which can be pretty fluid) that people would be less judgemental. In the long run, the one's who reject this friend (after ALL you've all been thru together) are the one's who'll end up with the most "regrets" over their life choices given another 20, 30 years. Sure as the sun rises in the east.

To my thinking, the "it's wrong and ewww, not normal group" are the one functioning from an immoral set of premises and prejudices.


Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

rm_OnlyU1962 54M
2 posts
6/14/2006 10:39 pm

I have no problem w/the use of the word union......with all same rights and resposibilities that comes w/the word marriage. THAT DOESNT MEAN I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A GAY PERSON FINDING SOMEONE TO LOVE AND SPENDING THE REST OF THIER LIVES TOGETHER. AMEN.I ALSO THINK A LOVING COUPLE --SAME SEX OR NOT-- IS ALL CHILDREN NEED.

rm_LUV505ACTION 46
27 posts
6/15/2006 8:58 am

Both of my Aunts are Same*Sex kinda gals...both have different tastes in ladies but both get equal love!

As for guys, I don't have any gay friends in my closest circle and won't say I do to be cool.

I do have friends that I go out of my way to see, support in their life work and have all the respect and love in the world for.

I'm a former Marine and a very good friend is a dj in vegas - also gay - and when I see him, I sometimes get questions.

They are easy to handle b/c I see them as opportunities to broaden other's horizons.

CharlesAvalon 57M

6/16/2006 6:15 am

Dont you have a job? - how do you find time to reply to all this lot
does my head in trying to find my comments again....

If the female felt your arse - could I come and watch? - I'd keep one eye shut.

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